Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Sheer Madness

I'm not one to keep up with the hidden underworld of the fashion mafia who decides whats going to be hot this season BUT, I have a keen sense of observation. So let me ask a two questions that have been burning my naps for a few months now:

Who decided that this season's new "it" color was sheer?

When did naked become the new black?


Who is this fashion guru that came up with this? I need to shake his/her hand.

Haven't you noticed more and more women wearing less and less? Clothes that previously were reserved only for bedtime, slumber, underwear and intimate occasions? Not to the bedroom, but in the street, to the grocery store, in the bars, clubs, lounges, and yes, in some cases, to work. Its like some places, all you need is nice underwear, a matching pair of shoes and bag and you're good to go. It's a beautiful concept. It's like Christmas Eve, you're looking at your tree (that is those of you who still get Christmas gifts) and all your gifts are wrapped in clear wrap. These sheer cat suits or full body pantyhose are becoming a bigger fad than those multi-colored atrocious Chinese slippers were.
Sidenote: I've even seen sheer bathing suits. Who in a million years would have thought in their wildest imagination that someone could make a bathing suit even MORE revealing? Somebody nominate this man/woman to the Nobel society.

Sidernote: My favorite by far has to be what I call "flash sheer" that looks opace until the camera's flash.
As a society, our psyche is being desensitized by over stimuli sensationalism. Our barometer for surprise has changed so radically that its increasingly difficult to shock these days (shout outs to Erykah Badu, who managed to pull that off amidst this atmosphere with her "Window Seat" video I'm no performance art expert, so I can't say for sure that's what her intention was..but its definitely one of her results. About the only thing that shocked me was those two dinosaur eggs she's been sitting on all these years. I never knew!). It fascinates me that things that were previously deplorable are acceptable as common place now. I remember a time when you never saw any type of frontal nudity in mainstream publications. With the amount of nipples being showed left and right, thanks to the sheer brigade, what'll be the point of Playboy pretty soon? TV is just as bad. Spartacus: Blood and Sand should have been called "Blood and Sand..........and Titty" and True Blood should be called "True Porn." But then again, there was a day when you couldn't say "damn, ass and bitch" on network TV.
Sidenote: No Spoiler Alert, but everyone was smashing on Spartacus, at least 2-5 times an episode. And is it just me or was that show like a "Where's Waldo" for breast? I mean seriously, gadzooks and kumbaya, there was nudity in scenes that in all honesty, required no nudity whatsoever[No complaints of course]. Pan through the crowd at the coliseum - random couple smashing. Walk through the halls - random pair of titties saying hi to me. Two ppl having a conversation in the foreground - random blowjob in the background.

Sidernote: All nudity aside, if you haven't yet, you have to watch Spartacus bc it has THE greatest season finale in the history of television. I wish the lead actor a speedy recovery as he was diagnosed with cancer.
To the women who embrace this trend, we applaud and salute you [stands......commences a slow clap]. You revolutionary trailblazers are paving the way to equal rights and freedom from the oppressive tyranny of clothing. You too will one day enjoy the freedom and jubilant feeling of the wind and sun on your bare chest in public on a nice summer day. Curl your face all kinds of ways you want, but if I told you a year ago to wear a pantyhose and a clear top exposing your bra and tong-ta-tong-tong-tong-tong and go out on the town, you would've probably had the same reaction. My friends and I laughed the first time we saw one. We didn't know we were in the presence of a trend setter.
"You see, I'm not a monster.....I'm just ahead of the curve." The Joker, The Dark Knight
WARNING!! Consult your fashion council......cus quite frankly..........not everyone can........or should wear sheer. Some ppl cover themselves up for damn good reasons.

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