LEAVE OUR BALLS ALONE!!

In response to:Men & their B A L L S

[In my best F.D.R voice]

"Yesterday, Tuesday 20th, 2010 -- a date which will live in infamy -- the United States of Balls were suddenly and deliberately attacked by oral and verbal forces of the Empire of Estrogen.

The United States was at peace with that nation and, at the solicitation of Estrogen, was still in conversation with its government and its emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Vulva."

I'm tempted to really go in and go line by line, but its not that serious bc its still a good light hearted comedic read. The two primary attacks was on our sports fascination and our penile "obsession." First off, let me just tackle the latter. Idunno what it's like on the other side of the fence but let me just tell you..............having a Bobby Dangles, is AWESOME!!! I'mma have to write a "Penis Monologue" one of these days. If it had a bill, it would be the first one paid every month. Men would go homeless, lose their car, lights and phone before they lost it (oddly enough, there is no bill and unfortunately some men do lose everything for it, but that's another conversation - there's extremist for everything). So leave us to our testicular devices. As much as I study, I swear I learn something new about the triangle every year, so why would you think for a second that our attachment is any less complicated?

Secondly, sports is waaaaaaaaaay more than just entertainment and I promise you all I will expound on that at a later date. But I digress, a line by line retort does not tackle the macro issue at hand.

Tread lightly ladies, your stepping on sacred territory and crossing some serious boundaries. There are many things about women we don't understand but leave it be bc we know how ugly things can get and how quickly we get accused of insensitivity. But for men, we can lash and lash away and just say "man up" can't we? Ah the double standard lingers. Not complaining bc we can't take it................just advising that we can easily go down the same route if that is in fact where ladies wish to go. Men, we must quell this peasant uprising before it rallies momentum in the surrounding towns and neighboring villages!!

Estrogenic Sacred Cows that Men don't understand, but respect and leave alone:

Make up - Any man who really likes to loves you will say he prefers you without it. Any man that says "OOOH GOSH bebe! Put on some MAC or we not leaving the house," you might want to reconsider. We don't question why your make-up box is more elaborate or intricate than the average mans tool box or surgeons spread. We don't question why you have more colors and tools than Bob Ross or a first year fine art student. We just smile, play video games or watch TV while you're getting ready.

Shoes - Most women I speak to average somewhere btwn 40-70 pairs and more. Why you need 10 pairs of black shoes, that's another conversation. I've heard some really creative explanations that I'm sure would sway a jury of your peers in a court of law. But not every man has lived with a woman for enough months or years to BEGIN to grasp this concept.

Jeans - Why exactly do you need 12 pairs of blue jeans, I'm sure you can come up with and already have very sensible sounding reasons.....but once again, it's a rhetorical question. We leave that alone.

Periods - The red light, Aunt Dot, Your friend, T.O.M., Aunt Flow, or any other myriad of names you call it. Its a part of life, we accept it, but it will forever gross us out. Sorry, its the truth. But out of respect for you, we stomach it and speak nothing of it. The most profound summary of our feelings on it is from South Park's Mr Garrison when he said, "I don't trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn't die." BUT, we have too much love, respect and adoration for the female body and know better than to go there.

You're "EX" - I'm convinced that 99% of women have or had at least one ex that they cannot stop talking about and you are sick and tired of being sick and tired of hearing about. She'll go on and on about all the reasons why he's the most terrible person in the world. If it happens to be someone you're dating, find said ex and punch him in the face bc he's to blame for 80% of your relationship issues. He does or did things to her that if it were to happen to your sister or cousin, you would consider murder. Yet, she still goes back with him, sees him, hangs out and carries on as if none of that ever happened. And you're in the awkward position of forcing to keep a straight face bc the dude is always around. Oh the dilemma: do you tell your friend STFU and risk alienating a good friend who needs someone to confide in, or do you stomach it and be a good friend to your own personal and psychiatric dismay? Again, I'm sure you have all the reasons in the world why you can't give up on Blood Liver, Stabwound Stan,Bullet Tooth Tony, or Ike Turner just yet.

Like Scarface said, "All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for no one. Do you understand?" So leave the balls alone [except for the one or two acceptable permissible occasions ::GIGGITY!!::]. We will forever be very protective of them in a way that until you've been kicked, knee'd or grazed in the nuts, will never understand. Remind me to tell you all one day the many lessons in life and manhood that you can learn from sports. It's more than just a game. The key take-away here is that full understanding is not requisite for compliance, respect and symbiotic cohabitation.

We protect our nuts like a squirrel with a bazooka!!

Dont Fall for The AT&T Okie Doke!! [From the Blackberry Chronicles]

I'm always amazed how ape-shit ppl go over new Apple products. You couldn't even load the att website when the new iphone was announced bc all the iphone feens crashed the sight. Att is hilarious. They realized that they are utterly incapable of keeping up with the massive demands caused by the Iphone, so in an attempt fix it, their solution is..............stop using the network so much or we'll nickel and dime you out. But since they cant exactly cut your service against your will, they had to come up with a more alluring, seductive way to do pull this off.

If I believed in the market, I would have invested heavily in att about a month ago when they announced that they were no longer offering unlimited data to new users and revealed the new tiered data structure. Smart users will save a lot of money, but ppl who use their phone ignorantly will get raped. Once I get my new phone that will do all the things I currently don't do, the data calculator estimated me at 4.45 gigs a month. Att's "high end" plan is 2gs and $10 for every 1g over you go. Couple that with them raising the early termination fees on smartphones, (therefore, if you jumped ship just for the Iphone and are dissatisfied with terrible service, you're trapped or have to part ways with a kidney to go back to your old provider) att stands to make a killing.

Remember at one point, phone companies discontinued the unlimited nights and weekends (unless you already had it) bc of usage congestion and only offered 1000 nights and weekends. Remember when long distance wasn't included in your anytime minutes? Calling your neighboring state...and in some cases town, was an additional charge.

Sidenote: My first ever cellphone plan was 200 anytime minutes, long distance not included, unlimited nights and weekends, and I had it for a year before I ever went over (relationships are costly). My first txt msg plan was 200 msg... I average 1200-1700 txt msgs a month now. Can we agree that time and habits change?

Idunno about yall, but I would hold on to a grandfathered unlimited data plan (which they are discontinuing). At first glance, a $15 blackberry plan looks very enticing, but who knows what the internet will look like in 1-3 yrs. Look out for a few things here and on the horizon that will forever alter the next generation of cellphones. Here are a few reasons why you should hold onto your unlimited plan.

Video Calling: Although its currently choppy at best, if you can even connect a call, this is going to be the next mega-craze for smartphone usage. The Evo, Iphone 4 and a small handful others are a few that can video chat now. The quality is about as poor as pre-T1 speed webcam chat but will only get better. Soon, it will be as common as having a camera on your phone. You can't even find a phone today without a camera (they even have flashes that rival your actual camera). I would have preferred companies spent more R&D and fine tuned the concept first, but I credit these folks who pushed to be the first.

Tethering: It's bad enough that att charges you additional fees to do this, while other providers don't but with the tethering option, coupled with an unlimited data plan, you could make a wireless hotspot right at home without a cable or dsl internet plan. You can even use it anywhere with your laptop like an air card. You would definitely need an unlimited plan for this, otherwise whats the point? You think cell phone internet eats a lot of data imagine your computer internet usage? It transfers information to and from your computer even when you're not doing anything.

Video Texting: Att has a phone called "The Shine" and there are a few others that can already insert video into a txt message. Not a hyperlink, not an attachment. Yes. The actual video as streamline as those messages with pictures in it. After thinking "how fricken cool is that?" my inner nerd (shut up Denisha! He's inner I say!) couldn't help but think "that is going to consume a lot of data. Email can't even do that yet w/o youtube.

Wifi: If your wondering why you walk around with 2 spare batteries and bring your charger EVERYWHERE, its bc you probably have your WAP or wifi set to "on". Wifi is much faster than 3G (since its using a different network than what you use for voice) and can handle greater data transfers. This is perfect if you're trying to save $$ bc you can opt out of a data plan and just pick up a reliable wifi signal just like you do with your laptop. So what's the Achilles heal here? See first statement: since its doing more work and constantly checking for more reliable networks, its exorbitantly taxing on battery life, rendering it an unattractive option. As networks get faster and faster, unless companies do something to improve power management, more and more ppl will rely more on their data plans.

Blackberry Messenger: Yall know by now that if bbm was a woman, I'd massage her feet daily. I'm seriously about to get rid of or lower my txt msg plan (I haven't bc I had a conversation similar to this with myself) bc everyone I talk to most is on bbm. You can already have group chats, conference chatting, file sharing, send images, files and even record voice notes back and forth (how's that for a spin on free international conversations; feel free to steal that; you're welcome) its only a matter of time before video chatting is an option.

Multi Media Messages: Show of hands, how many ppl have more than 3 megapixels on their phone cam? Ok, now how many ppl have a phone cam that rivals most digital camera's? I remember when 3.0mp came out in the art/graphics/photography world, that was the death of "point and click" cameras and the 5.0+ was the nail in the coffin for film (outside of industry preference). Now they are making 5-10mp HD cameras on cell phones. Better quality = larger files = more data required to send those picture msg we send so frequently, a la "hey I bought some bomb ass new shoes - CLICK:::SNAP:::SEND- see!!??" You may not exceed 2gigs a month NOW, but 2 phones down the line you may. Which leads me to my last point:

Most users are oblivious of their data usage: Can anyone quantify the txt equivalent of 20 bytes of data?.......... The Final Jeopardy answer, "how are you?" I know this bc I had extensive conversations when trying to figure out an international data plan. Images and attached files are easy bc they tell you the file size but how much data is a 2 minute streaming video, Facebook page or even this blog? Plus these newer phones can do more like view flash, allowing you to watch hulu or netflix on your phone.

Sidenote: wifi and netflix kills my laptop battery life what pillage and desecration will it do to my poor wee lil cell phone battery?

Rumor has it that other carriers are looking to follow suite with the tiered data pricing. If history repeats itself, they may eventually bring back the unlimited plans as data/network supply catches up to consumption demands.....but what if we don't. Do we as consumers need to usher into a new era of limits, restriction, become more cognizant (thanks lady in red) and responsible and considerate about our data ussage?.............................................................MAAAAAAAAAAN, [UGHFFF] DAT!!! As much as we're over charged?!! Shooooot, I'll take a picture of my hand giving a middle finger, attach a voicenote of me singing "lalala," type "how are you" 100 times, and bbm that bitch to Mars if I damn well please!

Sent via The RrChitect by Some provider I refuse to advertise for.

PSA: DEATH TO BBM CHAIN MAIL!!!

This was a malice that I thought had passed around freshman year of college. After you curse out enough friends, pretty much everyone in your address book in your email account should know by now not to send pointless spam. Right? WRONG!!

The menace has re-surfaced, transcending the email realm and has infiltrated the once sacred sanctuary of Blackberry Messenger (BBM). For those who don't know, BBM is an exclusive, internal service for blackberries. Since it communicates via the phones pin number through web/data service, you txt in an instant msg platform anywhere in the world for no extra charge. Kinda like VOIP, for txt msging. Unlike gchat, aim or msn, its not inviting a third party application requiring migrated screen names and passwords, and the only way you can establish connection is through direct invite and authorization. Twas once sacred :(

About 3-4 yrs ago, in the golden era, facebook was still private, and the only ppl who had blackberries were actually serious ppl about serious business. But since then, all di damn sidekick babies grew up and realized the fisher price "My first smartphone" made you look like 12 year old at the office, and hopped onto Blackberries.....bringing all their sidekick-ass habits along with them. SN: I ABHORRED!! SIDEKICKS. It all makes sense now! Why did I not figure this out until just now.

Think about this, 4 yrs later, I have over 100 contacts on bbm. Don't dwell on that, just open Friends vs "Friends" in a new tab, keep it moving and read later. Same concept. If the message says, "send this to everyone on your list, except me, bc I did my part" (clever) thats over 100 ppl sending me the same stupid message at once! Sometimes I need to silent, not vibrate, silence my phone bc it sounds like a flipping sex shop in my pocket. Some ppl say I need to calm down, its not that serious, and I agree. One of my biggest pet peeves in the galaxy is repeating myself excessively. So I do not understand that if one person requests that you not include them on something, multiple times, explicitly verbalized dislike and annoyance, what is sooooooooooooooooo difficult about respecting that person's wishes? It gets worse. The latest version of bbm invented the "broadcast" so one monkey-nut gorilla can simply send one pointless foolish msg to the entire list in one stroke.

I kinda understand you want to share a good joke but very few and far in btwn. I dont need "joke of the day." The "send this to 300 ppl or my deity will kill you" msg need to stop, but the worse is the erroneous information that lazy ppl wont even take two seconds of due diligence to confirm before blasting it to everyone. IF there is a number or a email, check the thing before you fwd info that may make you look like a less credible, fraudulent ass. Someone broadcast a number about some discounts that turned out to be a recording telling you how stupid you are for falling for it. Someone fwd' me info about job offers and didn't even realize there was a 9 digit phone number, no email and not even a name of the company hiring :\ A great fact checking, myth-busting resource to double check is www.snopes.com. BBM, facebook, gmail and aol (for the fossils who still use it) is not deleting accounts who don't fwd a blasted msg. It's been almost 15 yrs and I can't believe that ppl still believe that Bill Gates will give you all $$$ for forwarding a msg. "No trust me! It works!"

Fight fire with fire! If I've asked you not to spam me and they don't get the hint, I send ppl photographs and audio clips of things that I will not speak of, but lets just say you wouldn't want to open up on your phone. So please, please PLEASE stop spamming ppl with junk and bbm'ing "wolf" then wonder why no one responds to you when you need them. Keep that up and you're going to find pictures of poop on your phone next time you open it.

Some ppl need to be demoted back to txt msg, email and phone status.

Why arer ppl still watching BET?

[From the Blackberry Chronicles]

Prologue.... Once you start reading, this blog begins to date itself. It apparently fell by the wayside and I was reminded of it in lieu of last weekends Soul Train Awards show.

Why are ppl still watching BET?

Seriously??

First, let's look at one rudimentary fact......Black Entertainment Television is not even owned by black ppl!! Yeah, I'm sure there are many black avp's, vp's and svp's and managers and directors but nothing says power like ownership. Its like Chris Rock's joke: "Shaq is rich; the white man that signs his check is wealthy" but remove money and equate it to power and influence.

How authentic would we look at any other business if the owner was not of his own product?
-How would you look at "Original Southern Food" owned by Filipino or vice versa?
-Would mainstream America take seriously a Black owned Chinese, Italian or Indian restaurant?
-Would Israeli's buy kosher goods from..... Ya know I was trying to name a black neighborhood that was a notoriously infamous hood...but can't think of one that hasn't been partially watered down and gentrified in some areas.
-Should a Muslim trust a halal meal from McDonald's?

I say this bc last Sunday, news feeds all over the net from......sites that don't pay me........were flooded with commentary on how terrible the BET awards were. The phrases I recall seeing most frequently: "hot mess" "ghetto" (although yall should know by now how much I detest that word), "bootleg," "low budget," "half-assed," "piss poor...." and an armada of synonyms along those lines.

My response to them all was........"are you surprised?" Seriously!? Bc of BET, ppl all over the world (and many parts of America) think that all black ppl in America do is watch rap videos. They used to show variety and good music from gospel, to island, to soul........but someone decided "let's make a separate channel for that"....that's not even in HD for that matter.

Sidenote: why isn't BET JAZZ or SOUL in hd? And Starz Black for that matter? Why does Stars even have that channel to begin with? I swear I saw Pretty Woman and Silence of the Lambs on that channel.

We're talking the same BET who invented "Uncut". The same BET who showed infomercials on New Years Eve 2000! I recall turning to see how they were ringing in the new millennium to see infomercials.

Sidenote: I recall that new years eve quite vividly bc I spent it in Jersey City.... Clear, visible, yet very safe proximity to NYC. The news had us believing that all the lights would go out and everything from al queda, the four horsemen of apocalypse, the Internet and an army of ones and zeros were coming to kill us if we were in new york. That's what i think this 2012 crap is about. They made a killing off of batteries and canned soup. My parents still have a kerosene lantern somewhere in its original plastic wrapping.

Another common comment (looks up, thinks twice about that grammatical assonance) was that many BET pessimist watched with a common, hoping anticipation. Hoping that just this once. Just once! The mothership harbinger of black ignorance would pull it together. If for nothing else, out of a fleeting hope, that they would, at least in Micheal's name, pay decent tribute and homage to the greatest entertainer ever. But 10 yrs later, alas. Much like a battered housewife, Redsox fan (sans that one anomaly) or a New York Knicks fan who got their hopes up after a mid season trade or shift in management........no dice!

Gimme five on the Black hand SIDEnote: I think "American Gangster" is the most God awful production in the history of television...........followed closely by "Cops" but thats another conversation. When half of the world, arguably more, don't even know who Elijah McKoy is, why do we have a show glorifying and displaying criminals?!!!!

Let me tune into TV-One and cross my fingers.


Sent via Raphael  "I am Raphael Charles and I approve this message"

EFF FALL!!!

Sidenote: When I used to teach, in my Drama/Spoken Word/Creative writing class I made up an assignment where students wrote a letter to a season.....years before Jay-Z wrote dear summer. In lieu of my nostalgia in front of the kids, I bring you, "Dear Fall"

Sidernote: I seriously need to consider copyrighting the "sidenote." It's proliferation is running rampant throughout the land.

"Dear fall.........EFF YOU!!

After a long hiatus, 3 months to be exact, The RrChitect is back. When last we left off, our hero was amidst a month long birthday celebration, and as dire as I predicted, it was a perfect birthday, weekend and month.............................................

Then you came. With your decrepit wench of a friend named September!

With the exception of a couple birthdays of a few friends, nothing good ever comes out of the month of September. Perhaps I've always taken a personal view. For 29 years you've marked the end of my birthday season and I didn't quite appreciate that. The harbinger of cold and death. Your arrival took away my ice cream trucks, beach trips, long days and warm weather. I now have to wash all the sweaters I hid away in the closets to replace my shorts, swim trunks and tank tops in my drawers. I now have to tactically strategize on when I can and will wash my hair so I don't get sick. For a good 20 yrs you always herald the accursed "back to school" season. And for many years, on the other side of the classroom, you ended my vacation and brought me students who were hand picked by karma to pay me back for the carnage I inflicted on my teachers.

I read once that the third quarter reporting in business always takes a dip (theory is that ppl are laxed, go on vacation or not as focused or aggressive in the summer months). Everyone will forever remember where they were and exactly what they did on september 11th 2001. If you're in finance, you will remember 2008's september [tee hee! that rhymes!]. I know ppl who went home one day and by the time they got home, not thier job, THEIR COMPANY didn't exist!!

For all fall enthusiasts and all the zodiac signs in this season that I can never remember, nothing personal, but Eff the fall. The fall and I have beef.

Alas, there is some promise in you after all. The abundance of orange hues throughout the land. I completely forgot about season premieres, but those are cool too. I retired sitcoms years ago and the ones I watch, I get from..........website movie rental thingy-ma-bob.... The world series, big plus for us Yankee fans. Moder Warfare 2, we really appreciated that. You're lucky I have such an immaculate scarf collection that I love to sport. So for now, I'll spare you....until I find a suitable way to destroy you. You're like that one friend in the crew that I personally can't stand, but tolerate bc everyone else seems to like and get a long with them.

Worse Regards,
The RrChitect

Sidenote: I would like to thank my recent trip to the Nuyorican Poets Cafe for the refill in my creative writers tank. Also, http://www.willeyelisten.com , my new blog that I follow.

I AM NOT A FAN!!!

One of the glorious things about FaceBook is that is has tons of applications that can allow an almost infinite spectrum of user possibility. To each is own, and that's wonderful. However, just bc you're in love with a particular app, doesn't change the fact that some of us find it 100% absolutely asinine.

Sidenote: Not to mention that the agreement to accept the app gives authorization to these third party (non facebook) companies who make the app, to use all your personal information you post on your facebook page at their discretion, but that's another conversation [see previously on "My $0.02" - TOS: Facebook owns you. Get over it. Here's how.]

So out of respect, please keep your invites and suggestions to yourself. My biggest current pet peeve: "FAN PAGES!"

I could understand you wanting to be a fan of billy joel, and missy elliot, elliot spitzer, hugo weaving, or some notable personality or viable cause, but some of these are downright ridiculous!! Every day, I'm confronted with newer and worser shake-my-headism and tomfoolery. So just in case you thought I was on the fence and you had high hopes and aspirations of swaying me, let me make it clear. I am not, nor will ever, in the near conceivable future (and or), will be a fan of:
Sunny days
Texting
Hating Mosquitos
Hating Mondays
Drake
Twitter
Pizza
Oxygen

I am a fan of the following, but don't need an app to exercise this:
Naps [short intervals of sleep that is.......but I sure do love nappy hair]
God
The Bible
Jesus
Cake
Blackberry
Hugs
Chocolate
Either Obamas
Black hair
Good sex

The funniest thing, I didn't have to be creative or outlandish to write this one. These are actual facebook fan pages that have either randomly popped up or ppl have suggested to me. HMMPH!!

And one last jab: quizes. God bless you that you have so much free time, but I honestly don't care what diva, "Friday" Character, Shoe, Sex style, wifey material, how long you last in the hood, what day of the week, cocktail, what island or part of brooklyn you are from [sidenote: do you really need a facebook quiz to affirm this?] what 80's movie, what comic character or which Cosby kid Facebook thinks you are.

Thank you!

"I blame Twitter/Facebook/Myspace/Everyone bc I'm dumb!!"..........The Honorable Moron Award

A friend of mine posted this article and I couldn't stop laughing about this tomfoolery. Nor can I stop commenting on it:
Twitter gets you fired in 140 characters or less

Sidenote: I already expressed previously in My $0.02 how hesitant I am about Twitter. It was only a matter of time before the bungling buffoons would come tumbling in.

Question,................. if you were on an Internet networking site.........and you knew everyone online can read whatever you write.......and you're page is not set to private, so that includes ppl who aren't even your friend.........does this sound like an intelligent thing to post on you page......for the entire World Wide Web to read?

Sidenote: for our less tech savvy readers, "world wide web" is what "www" in your website url stand for! Stick around and someday we'll reveal what url means, http and the difference btwn http and https!!! :).....anyways....onto the quote....

"Cisco just offered me a job! Now I have to weigh the utility of a fatty paycheck against the daily commute to San Jose and hating the work.”

Now that's still not the funny part. It gets better. He gets a message from someone who works at Cisco and apparently it was an "open response." Hope that means something to you twitter ppl or rather....twitter-ers. My naive guess is that it's open for everyone to see:

"Who is the hiring manager. I’m sure they would love to know that you will hate the work. We here at Cisco are versed in the web."

How syntactically lethal? I just love the simplistic, yet sinister latency of that phrase! Just laced with an innocent candy coating of cynicism, with a creamy gooey evil nougat filling. The guy who responded should teach a class. I'd sign up for it.

Sidenote: Can't you just hear a mini Homer Simpson going off in his head saying "D'OH!!!"

It's not Twitter's fault ppl are idiots. Especially in this economy when thousands of fully qualified ppl are getting laid off for no wrong doing of their own and can't find work to save their life, you're dumbass is complaining about a commute when you know you'll be getting a "fatty check?" You tit! I have a friend that commutes from Brooklyn to Long Island 90 minutes both ways (sometimes 2 hours) and has been doing so for 6 yrs! Do what you gotta do damnit!!

Why ppl publicly post where they place work online is beyond me personally (as I've stated before), why ppl friend co-workers and bosses is a complete alien concept to me, but I can't even begin to comprehend why the hell someone would curse out or insult their place of work....ON A PUBLIC NETWORKING WEBSITE WHERE ANYONE CAN SEE?

Even before twitter, most companies had a Google search service that tracks every news article or blog that mentions the company name, let alone a technology company. They mostly do this to post in the company intranet and keep track of its media/press coverage. Reminds me of the guy who worked for the Eagles who got fired when he cursed them out on a facebook status.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3965039

So I guess in the new employee manuals, by Friday COB (close of business), there should be an addenda that specifies "don't curse out the hand that feeds you on public domains," bc common sense is not only not common, it's flat out a myth. And if it existed, its chillin with a stegosaurus, woolly mammoth, and dodo bird right about now...........[sigh]

Sidenote: Are Bald Head Eagles extinct? Did anyone see that Inauguration Concert for Obama (YAAAAY I WAS THERE) when they brought out the eagle? Gotta love the irony of what our nations symbol is......... the strongest, free-est bird with the widest wingspan..................who's bound by the leg and can't fly anywhere bc it's shackled to its master.....WOW...............MESSAGE!!!!!!!

Sidernote: If you haven't seen "Don't be a Menace to South Central While Drinking your Juice in the hood," its one of the Wayans Brothers finer works. Here's a compilation to better understand the context. It spoofs all the hood movies of the early 90's namely the sentimental moments and allegorical themes. Hence, the mail man blatantly pointing out every time there's a MESSAGE!!

PSA: Ladies!! If you want to dance alone.........stop going to parties full of ppl....who want to dance!!

This is a phenomena that has plagued men for an age and puzzled me for just as long. Fellas, we've all been to a bar, lounge, house party, or club and experienced this at some point in our lives (unless social interaction, partying and dancing just isn't your thing...seriously, not being sarcastic....a lot of my friends and one of my brother are not party dancing ppl):

Eager and overzealous guy # 246: Hey young lady, would you like to dance?
Unenthused female at party #73: [forced smile] umm..no thank you, I'm just dancing with my friends.

I've always wondered this question........If you don't want to dance with anyone........why did you choose to come to an uber crowded establishment..........where music is playing...and ppl are going to be there dancing....and you know guys are going to want to dance with you....and dress like a cross between a lead video girl and the lead sex symbol in a James Bond film..............IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DANCE WITH ANYONE!!!!!????

This comes to mind bc I went to two events in one evening, one with a female friend home for spring break, then I got a txt from some friends who happen to be in the same area who invited me somewhere. At the latter venue, which was a post office in comparison to the first one, I was on the dance floor and did the old fashion "hey can I dance with you gesture" and a lady stopped dead in her tracks and started talking to me asking me questions "That's ok, I don't feel like dancing. hi, how are you, what is your name," clearly in a sarcastic demeaning tone. I just walked away.

Sidenote: I'm just asking for a dance, it's not that deep. If you look out your window, past the trees and way over the telephone lines, higher than the tallest building outside, you will see the flying fat baby's ASS that I give about your name and who you are? Had I wanted to know who you are, I would have asked.

Sidernote: In contrast, I actually have a number of good friends who I actually met during situation at parties, however it was always something memorable that happened, that sparked a dialog and a moment of bonding. This chick was clearly being a dick, and don't challenge me at that bc I'm quite seasoned at it.

Point of clarification: "Post office" is a term from a song by Soca artist, Bunjii Garlin and Reggae Icon Beenieman, called "Plenty Gyal." Some of you will get it on the way home or tomorrow during lunch...."post office.....mail.....sounds like male....oooooooooh!!!" Other more common terms, sausage fest, sardine can, sword fight, mailbox etc, feel free to add.

Now I'm sure ladies can come up with a trillion justifications for her reaction and I can too, but that's irrelevant in first person perception, now isn't it? The reason why I see this as imbecilic is in reference to such stark contrast to the first venue. I had to take a phone call at the first spot, so I had to leave my friend alone in a lounge (with the "vultures" hovering waiting for me to step aside from her) and and she didn't want to talk to anyone, dance or be bothered....so you wanna hear the crazy thing she did??? She sat down....in a corner....FAAAAAR AWAY FROM THE DANCE FLOOR WHERE EVERYONE ELSE WAS DANCING!! What a complex, alien concept!! NONONONOONO!!! I have a better idea. When the hot tracks come on, I'm going to dance not near, IN the middle of the dance floor, by myself, surrounded by men....bc that's the surefire way to avoid hassle and dance by myself.

Granted we all know that some guys are a little bit more "ambitious" than others, so here are some helpful ways to avoid being hassled if you don't want to be bothered

• My personal favorite....I have a great place where you can listen to the best music, dance all by yourself for as long as you like, and not be bothered at all all day long.............its called MY HOME!!
• Learn from my educated friend. Find a corner, nook or seated area that is not as easy to get to. Standing behind chairs, stools, or tables can serve as barriers or vulture retardants.
  
• Simply don't go to parties. I know many females who don't "club" for this specific reason.
• Don't be cheap. Money and peace of mind are interchangeable. I know a lot of women, who for this reason, will shell out the extra money to get in the VIP section, which usually has tables, seats and not as much hassle. You get your own section, you can go in general admission and escape to your sactuary at any time, still enjoying the atmosphere and tunes with everyone else. If you go in general admission, ESPECIALLY IF YOU GOT IN FOR FREE, you get what you pay for...fend for yourself.
  
• Utilize "the impenetrable buddy circle fortress." You know what I'm talking about. That circle of 3-7 girls just dancing and enjoying life. This deters most guys who already can anticipate "oh, I'm just dancing with my girls" a block away.

Sidenote, there are cracks, leaks and points of vulnerability in this fortress so ladies be ware........but I'll be betraying my gender were I to reveal said tactics B-)

Sidernote: If you got in for free, quit crying. Too damn spoiled!!

• This one is kind of evil, but I've admitted that I'm evil time and time again. If you don't want to be bothered, always roll with a "body guard" or "Cave Troll."
  

Sidenote:The "Cave Troll" is the.......to avoid offending any potential cave troll or cave troll enthusiasts, let's just say....that.....very....masculine-esque not so attractive friend. If we measured on a scale, and attractive was in.....Seattle......the cave troll would land somewhere around.....say, Morocco. Yall can call me evil all ya want, I just invented the terminology, not the concept. If ya wan see real evil, I can give you the names to a handful of women who actually do this and think like that......and those of you reading who know you do it are prolly laughing you're tail off.

Here's something to consider next time you cry and complain, "Oh woe is me!! Everyone wants to dance with me or talk to me!! I'm soooo pretty/hot/attractive and SUCH a good dancer!! Why am I so cursed!!? Oh pray for me!! There are some females who go out all the time WHO NEVER GET HIT ON or so much of a "HI, can we dance." I see it all the time, and I know some like this. Imagine how sad and heart breaking it is to see your friend who has her pic of the litter, turns down guys you would dream to get, get hit on left and right, approached all the time and complain about it while no one ever wants to talk to you. I consider that "a good problem to have." So if you don't like the attention, make yourself less attractive, or consider some of the humorous tactics to combat this grave burden you are cursed to carry.

The UBER-est Nerdy-esque thing ever!!!

OMG!! I read this on someone's status and I had to look this up to confirm it. Today is actually "Pi" day....did ya know that?? I mean 3.1459xyzlmnopdpg's ova on da wesSIIIIIIIIIDE!!!!

........OOOOOOOOH I get it!!!..heh...heh..because it's March 14th today..heh.....and March is the "3rd" month of the year...thats right....ha...so numerically that would be 3-14!....haha......how cleverrrrrrrrrrr?!!!??? I wonder who's the pocket protector that came up this poppycock? Seriously! How many times must your milk money be stolen at lunch and your homework copied for you to say "when I grow up I'm going to make a day dedicated to the honor and glory of Pi!!!?" How many times have you had a family, school, job or medical crissis.................that was solved by the numeric medicinal prowess of PI!!!!??? I will investigate the significance of this cult-like phenomena with the number and report on my findings on a latter day.

And apparently this is the 21st year it's been celebrated too. I don't know what's more fascinating. The fact that someone came up with this holiday, the fact that there's and organization and website with shops and ideas to celebrate dedicated to it, there are hords of ppl who celebrate.....or that fact that I've never heard of this before. Hilarious!!

Sidenote/Disclaimer: We at The Rrchitect would like to apologize to all Pi and Pi day fanatics and enthusiasts who may have been offended by the comments in this expressed written brain fart. In the event of such said offense, we highly encourage that you engage in the following activities: either grow a pair, hold it the eff down or laugh it off as humorous.....which is the sole intent of the jest.

Sidernote:.....Yeah, so that was not so much of an apology. It's My $0.02 damnit! I find it funny. Laugh with me :)

ADDENDA!!!!
SOMEONE SENT ME A FRICKEN PI DAY SUPER POKE!!! LMAO!!!!!!

Why I hate Myspace Part 1

Ok, I just checked myspace for the first time in like..........months, and reminded myself of all the reasons why I hate going on there. Was about to write about it, but looks like i did that over a year ago. Some of these still stand and I have a few more. Until I compose my current thoughts, feed off of some 2007 'R.' Happy New year you all!!

Best Regards,

-R

p.s. 1 mont, 16 days 22 hours, 53 minutes, 10 seconds till carnival!!!!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

I finally come back and MYSPACE still sucks! Current mood: pissed off Category: Blogging ..>..> Those of you who know me, may notice I never leave comments, reply to messages or put html on your page. I've been on myspace for over 3 years now (give or take) and nothing seems to change except things just get worse and worse. Everytime I try to send a message, leave a comment, reply to a messsage, this annoying site crashes. After deletings all the friend requests from 73 "Webcam girl's," MC So n So, DJ Skratch n Sniff, Band #45,345,689.05, and declining invites from "My man's an nem" Promoters, I usually try respond to messages. If you haven't heard from me, please know that it's because I probably speant 5-10 minutes writing you a really nice letter/note and when I tried to send it my pc freezes or crashes and I get so annoyed I don't sign on for another two to three weeks or months. Typically it's one of these messages: "Sorry, we can't do that right now" "Sorry, you can't leave comment until the next quarter moon" "Sorry, our system is being hacked - I mean, we're doing maintance" "Sorry, you can't recieve pictures, see comments, press enter, use the delete key or adjust your top 24 until 3am pacific time. SIDENOTE! My friend is a designer and he took his work down bc he told me in the agreement (that none of us read and just clicked "accept") is says anything you post, you basically surrender the rightst and ownership to. Can someone confirm this? Am I the only one on this thing who's never been hacked? Why am I getting all these comments about "Male Medicine" (I'll leave it at that) ringtones and trips to disneyland from strangers and ppl I know? Don't they show the image that warns you, "Make sure when you re-login it has the myspace url at the top" It even points this out if you're paying attention. Sorry if I sound a little insensitive but the reason most ppl get hacked is bc they have 8 accounts online and use the same password and email for all of em dummy! Switch it up ppl if someone hacks your myspace and you have the same password and name for your email, checking, and credit card, you may be in trouble. Quit crying if you're not in my top list, I'm just too lazy/busy to change it all the time. 24 out of 900+ is a tough choice, give me a break! And after 3 years, I can't recognize half of you bc you change your name and your pic EVERYDAY!! You know how confusing that is? I have some great friends I met/found and I have no idea where they are anymore. You aint no car or anime character. How are ppl supposed to find you? Everyone one in the real world teases me about my name BUT YOU REMEMBER IT DONT YOU? DONT YOU? HA!! And it's been the same since I opened my account. AND FOR THE LAST TIME, I LIKE THE COLOR ORANGE, NOT THE FRUIT. THAT WOULD BE "GUY WHO LIKES ORANGES" LEARN TO READ. Stop asking, that joke got old 400 times ago. SIDENOTE: My user name btw has always been, is and forever will be "Guy who likes Orange" On the bright side, I'm thankful for all the ppl from highshool, junior high and other places that I've gotten in touch with. I'm thankful for all the ppl that I met on myspace that have become good friends to me. Keep in touch and thanks for listening to me vent my $0.02.......now let me copy this and save ithis before I hit "post," bc if I lose all this typing, I'll probably be so pissed, it'll be another month to a year before I attempt this horrible site again and then this will be longer and more MA-17. 1:03 AM - 5 Comments - 3 Kudos

Beware of bullshit dancehall reggae dancers online!

So I'm going through youtube today, one of my sources to stay up to date in dancehall reggae and other dances and tweak my techniques, and I come across this bs tutorial video. This dude is really thinking he's doing something....and he thinks it helps that he's wearing Jamaica apparel (despite not having a lick of an accent).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2PnN1-oZso&feature=related

For a real laugh, read the comments below the video.

This is just hilarious and sad. Hands down THE WORSE DANCE TUTORIAL EVER!!!! They are completely off! Not to mention any dancer will tell you you need to stay on your toes (whether hip hop, dancehall, tap, ballet, modern whatever) NOT YOUR HEALS! Unless you wanna break your ankles.

To see how the dance is really supposed to look (you'd think after 2 yrs ppl would have this down by now) check out this tutorial, or even better the Mr. Vegas video for the song about the kiss-me-ass dance. HMPH!!

Sidenote: If youtube is your only source for dancehall or any other dances, you'll always be at least 6-12 months behind. The average dancehall reggae song takes about 3 months to get to the US DJ's, about another 3 months for it to get big in the clubs or make it to radio... hence why radio is notorious for playing 6-12 month old reggae and calling it new music (and thats only big tunes bc the average reggae song takes 1-2 yrs to make it on the radio in the US). My suggestion, keep a host of Jamaican and dj's as friends. It's kind like having a Korean friend who sends you designer clothes from back home.

Beware of this fool. I'm sure he's probably an excellent dancer, but dude, know your genre and area of expertise, just as well as your area of suckspertise.

"Everyone can dance, but not everyone who dance is a dancer."