Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 6 [From theThe Blackberry Chronicles]

Previously in My $0.02................... Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 1

Followed by.................................Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 2

Then..................................Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 3

and............................................Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 4
And last time .......................Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 5


One of my biggest pet peeves is SPOILERS, so without giving one, everyone needs to see the movie "Brothers" with Tobey Maguire and Natalie Portman to truly understand the frustration and annoyance I experienced. See the climax of the story, then re-read this blog. If you have seen the movie....... keep in mind the most disobedient and unruly act in the history of children on film. What would provoke ppl to act the fool, wilding out in public, carrying and having fits.........what causes all of this?

Theory #6: No beatings!

At some point in time we decided that its inhumane to whoop our kids asses in school (despite the fact that every other country that does it kicks our butt in education) then it trickled into the households. My brothers and I grew up with beatings (we called it "licks) like we grew up on milk. We were never the type to act up in public, throw a temper tantrum rolling on the floor kicking and screaming. We got our asses kicked for far lesser infractions and my parents were never the type to beat in public. Could you imagine the thrashing that would have ensued when we got home if we pulled that tomfoolery?

Children, correction, babies do not understand English! Or any other verbal language you raise your kids around. They read, understand and interpret feelings. Socket example: [theses are little esoteric notes I leave myself in shorthand to remind me to add content....why am I leaving this? Why am I explaining this???] If you see an infant heading towards a fork....red flag.........the child has it....red light are flashing..........if the child with the fork is near a socket....the alarms are blazing by now, do you talk to the child, or do you slap the fork out of its flapping hand? Ppl sometimes respond best to action. This applies well into the early 20's with most ppl. Cognition isn't necessarily indicative of understanding.

I remember reading about a child who misunderstood what was said at school and called child services bc their parent punished them. What kid in my generation would have had the cajones to do that? First of all, you pick up a phone during a beating in my house you won't make it to the second "1" and you just inherited a new pummeling device once the phone was snatched out your hand. Secondly, how many of us heard the threat that if we successfully dialed, there would be nothing left for 911 to save once they got here? Third, we live in the hood. 911 aint coming no time soon. The folks could get in 3 rounds and intermissions by the time they arrived on the scene. The cost/benefit analysis was heavily imbalanced.

Now you have all these child disorders that keep psychiatrists gainfully employed, pharmaceuticals companies profitable and grad school/phd students funded. I have self diagnosed myself with ADD. A.D.D. = As I speak, I am on a train, mentally packing for my trip tomorrow, listening to some dance tracks and choreographing routines in my head. And working on ANOTHER reason why kids are so blasted dumb bc they're interrelated....but I digress.

If I had homework and I couldn't focus here are some surefire cures to ADD:

• Finish your homework or imma whoop that ass!
• - or I'll throw away all your toys!
• - or I'll throw away all your comic books!
• - or no TV, video games for you! [Sidenote: You remember when being sent to your room was a form of punishment? With my brothers and my creative asses, my parents punished us by making us come out of our rooms.....and watch the news.....and Jeapordy....and read]
  
• Pass this test or you'll fail
• Pass this class or you'll lose your scholarship!
• Do well in this class or you'll be kicked out of school!
• Finish this project or you're fired!
• Make this money or you'll lose you're house!
• Get this calculation right or ppl will die!

You think time and all these circumstances care what your conditions are?

So for the love of God, whoop yo kids monkey ass ( and their asses sure are monkey!) bc they need to understand consequence, causality and penalties. You think I'm evil? Send your kids into the world with no regards for respect and limitations..............then you wonder why yo lazy ass roommates don't wash dishes for days on end! Got yo place smelling like frog placenta.....no? No good? Too much?

Sent via some provider who doesn't pay me to do say who they are.

Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 5

Previously in My $0.02................... Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 1

Followed by.................................Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 2

Then..................................Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 3

and............................................Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 4

Here's a baby. Look at the baby!! LOOK AT THE BABY!! Cute aint she? (Scientific studies of extensive researching stuff state that cute babies are soothing on the eye and make ppl more susceptible to accepting theories) One of my newest cousins. Can you believe this little jerk doesn't like me? YET!? She's one of those stoosh "Imma play shy in front of company" types. But the one in the back is one of my favorite little girls in planet. Now its one thing to be ignored by the newbie (she'll come around sooner or later), but my fav was in another world bc as you can see, she was enthusiastically programming all her contacts into her new cell phone. This led to a very intriguing discussion btwn us about usage and habits of why a 12 old needs a cell phone. Which leads me to theory #5:


Theory #5: Everyone has cell phones

This might seem minoot, but technology impairs our memories. When I was in high school, I had about 40 numbers memorized at the tip of my tongue at any given time. Now, if you lose you phone, you might as well be in a tunnel on Mars. Pop quiz: without looking at your phone, how many phone numbers do you know by heart? PS, you parents or home phone doesn't count. Don't cheat...well it doesn't really matter bc if you are cheating, its pretty self evident that you failed this little social experiment.

I recall correcting a teachers spelling in high school and I always remembered him saying, "wait until you're out of school and have been using spell check for a few years" and I laughed at his warning. Now, how many ppl can get through a document without that red squiggly line? On top of the mental address book, I also had everyone's birthday memorized. These days, if I didn't sign into Facebook, you more than likely won't get a birthday greeting from me.

Kids do not need cell phones for the same reason students don't need calculators. I'm old school so as far as I'm concerned, until letteration starts popping up and your math class starts looking like some english class typos, you don't need a calculator. WHY? Bc you impair, or rather, stunt your learning growth in the embryonic stages of cognitive thinking. Let's be clear. 70% of what you learn up until grade 12 is utter bs and will be of no use to you in life. It's not the content thats important, its the methodology of learning. If you bifurcate the two and focus solely on content, sans the methodology, you birth a generation of droid who basically are programed with RAM (random access memory) and no hard drive (long term storage) mental computation.

I digress.

Why are cell phones problematic? Other than all the reasons I stated above? The brain is like any muscle, and lack of usage leads to atrophy.......after development. Lack of usage before development can lead to impotence if not paralysis (didn't I tell you guys I had no regard for the english language? It's misuse and mishandleage? - quote from my open mic slam days - TEEHEE!). I mastered 258 ways to cheat and not get caught without technology. Who knows what tomwreckery the youtes are doing these days?

I won't even touch on smart phones. When we have a generation that can't answer a questions with any critical discernment bc we've replaced "thinking" with "googling." Sad forecast. An armada of smartphone in the hands of dunce users.

Reasons why they invented camera phones: NOT THESE FOOLS AGAIN!!!

Cant make this stuff up. And no, the images are not photoshopped. Across the street from the glorious Kings Plaza Mall in Brooklyn, (Kings County, get it?)........................















For the full comprehensive list of ppl that should be thrown out into the street and shot, please reference: Reasons why I always have a camera...LMAO!!!!!!

........................OR, if you're feeling lazy, I can stop being lazy and just relist them, HYAH!


List of ppl who must be thrown out in the street and shot:
The person who came up with it.
Their buddy who said "that's a great idea!"
The person who decided to put it on a highway
The person who designed the ad
The person who agreed to pay for it
The person who decided to use the 'O'

List of ppl who should be slapped, but you can't REALLY blame them:
The people who printed the sign (I want to know how they kept a straight face or were they laughing all the way?)
The people who gave the permit for the sign
the people who mounted the sign

Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 4

Previously in My $0.02................... Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 1

Followed by................................Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 2

Then..................................Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 3

Now........
I'm going to re-enact a few of the many traumatizing yet vital, character forming moments in my childhood:

Dramatic Dramatization 1

Me: (full of glee) MOM!! DAD!!! LOOK!!! I GOT A 95 ON MY TEST!!!

Parent A or B interchangeably: Where's the other 5 points??

Me: (absent of glee) [actually attempting to rack brain to answer pointless question]


Dramatic Dramatization 2

Me: (full of glee) MOM!! DAD!!! LOOK!!! I GOT A 98 ON MY TEST!!!

Parent A or B interchangeably: Where's the other 2 points??

Me: (absent of glee) [actually attempting to rack brain to answer pointless question]


Dramatic Dramatization 3

Me: (cautiously) MOM!! DAD!!! LOOK!!! I GOT A 99 ON MY TEST!!!

Parent A or B interchangeably: Where's the other point??

Me: (ambivalent....despite not learning that word for another 20 odd years) [walks away to play with toys or draw]

Sidenote: I actually did get A's and 100's from time to time. What's that you say? Ticker tape parade? Hang my test on the fridge? Not me. If I got a "good," "nice," "very well," keep it up," that was epic.

So my parents taught me inadvertently....in a low budget Pavlov fashion, two valuable lessons. First, how to deal with disappointment/rejection/defeat, and secondly slash most important of all, never settle for your current, average or bare minimum. Have you ever been at a point in your life where you want to fight a teacher for giving you an A- minus, but in the same week you get religious for the first time in your life and beg God, "if I can only just maybe get a 'D'"....... Am I the only one who's ever heard the phrase, "D is for D-ploma?" Got you in the teacher or professors office looking like the crackhead from "Menace to Society."

That's bc both mindsets are that of a winner: never settle and never give up. Granted, I may have cursed my parents under my breath many a time as a child and could possibly blame them for my "prodigal son" derailment years, but in my life (and I've been telling my students this for years) it doesn't matter what you do in that first 95% if you can't execute in that final 5%. And if you don't believe me, ask the '07-'08 New England Patriots.



So what is today's theory on why kids are so DUMB today?

Theory #4: Winners are Losers and Losers are Winners

I was shocked to learn recently about a soccer game... and then I found out other sports do this too......... they gave out trophies...................... TO THE LOSING TEAM!!! Are you kidding me? What happened to trash talking and rubbing in the losers face? I cringe to think where I would be today, how un-creative and lame my life would be had it not been for fierce and vicious name calling as a child. What incentive is there to win now? To keep on playing in the last 2 minutes when you're down one score?

It's not just sports. Some schools have a passing mark of 50 or 55! And the saddest thing is, college aptitude exams have a FAAAAAAAAAAAR higher passing bar. It's like we're setting our children up for failure. I recall the passing mark being 65 when I was a wee lil lass. And even that is quite horrible, in hindsight. That means my generation was subconsciously programmed that 65% of our possible output was/is acceptable.

Students would do so much better if school work was more life-applicable. Teach children percentages in kindergarten. Ask a student if they'd be ok, with 65% of their allowance? If you were on a plane and the pilot announced that they landed safely 50-65% of the time, you'd either jump out the plane yourself or have a heart attack.

And how excited would you be if there was a doctor on board....... who saved 65% of his patience?

Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 3

Previously in My $0.02................... Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 1

Followed by................................Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 2

And at long last, the third installment in the controversial series dedicated to solving the quagmire of our time.

Theory #3: Lazy ass moms!
[From the Blackberry Chronicles]

Yeah imma get some flack for it but its my $0.02, aint it?

Disclaimer.....or ill-conceived attempt to cushion my behind from all the stilettos currently aimed at it.......now I know being a mother is arguably the hardest task on earth, second to being a single mother (technically I don't, and I understand my perspective emanates from hearsay, anecdotal data and census before you come at me with that "you will never know" nonsense - save that for a talk show). I have many dear friends who happen to be mothers, mostly single (aint that what they all say? "I can't be racist, I have tons black and Hispanic friends"...not exactly helping my case now am I?) and I've witness the trials, struggles and innovations that a mother has to come up with to raise a child and still maintain some quality of living. I'm not talking about those who give their all and fall short or who don't have all the resources and support they need.

[Now that we got that out the way...]

At the end of the day, some things I see are just flat out lazy and hilariously foolish, IMO of course.

The Baby Backpack
This is the one that triggered this brain fart. I can support the frontal kangaroo sack, not 100, but I can at least think about it for 2 seconds and find some amicable justifications (despite depriving you of a simple excellent workout and the subsequent "mommy arms").

I mean, this is a new era, day and age and this generations moms have waaay more to worry about than baby boomers and even generation x'ers. Reports of mommy's dropping babies for more important tasks rose to alarming heights so something had to be done. Today's mommy needs her hands free for a myriad of critical operations of vital consequence. Three for instance:

-the number one reason: momma gotta pick up her cellphone. Blue tooth don't send text messages and operate her camera phone, blackberry messenger (you can't PING!!! someone with a headset, don't be ridiculous!) or switch tracks...which is a good segway to the next one
-mother has to operate her mp3 player. We love the kids, but heaven forbid you get btwn a woman and her Souljah Boy!
-Momma gotta swipe her transit card. She gotta pay her fare somehow. Are you volunteering to drive her everywhere?

But my biggest justification with the kangaroo sack is....AT LEAST YOUR BABY IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!! Who on mother earth thought it was a good idea to carry your child on your back -literally- needs to be thrown out in the street and shot. Unless they start equipping those with surveillance cameras or some system of rear view mirrors, anything happen to your baby you're the last to know. If I can be extreme for a second, a sniper can take out your baby and you'd walk a good block or two before you found out. We need a recall on this idiocity!

Sidenote: [Commence venting] I wish ppl would watch where they were going while walking down the street. I'm typing a blog damnit! What's your excuse? [Conclude venting]

Sidernote: "Idiocity" was intentional. Its been a long hobby of mine fuse words, language and tenses together (since I have little respect for the english language, but thats a nother conversations... and "a" and "nother" were intentionally spaced) to form hyper-zoanoid hybrid words. "Irranoid" is my favorite of recent times. I needed to invent a word to express my heightened level of.....irranoiance at the time...............and apparently spell check has no problem with that!

The Leash
Kat Williams affectionately coined the most appropriate name for this: "material for black ppl to laugh at." If you can't keep your child at arms distance, there's a deeper rooted discipline issue you're not addressing. Perhaps this was invented so mothers can check their txt messages, switch Souljah Boy tracks and not lose sight of little jimmy. I'm a jerk, I know right? What's my problem? There is something fundamentally and ideologically wrong with the times where people put clothes on dogs, pets in strollers and LEASHES on children.
















The SUV Stroller......that you CAN'T manage
I know that your ecstatic that you got someone to get one of the top 5 most expensive items on your registry. You all have seen it, the stroller/crib/rocking chair/high chair/car seat/ computer desk/hdtv entertainment stand/ minibar/smoothie maker/subway space consumer with the retractable sunroof top, that you can't carry up a flight of stairs by yourself. Understand something: its not meant to be an all purpose, all terrain, surface-to-air missile stroller. In tight, crowded, congested places, please have the courtesy to carry one of those fold up strollers that are designed for mobility. I know jr. loves his Batmobile stroller with the front porch, plasma tv, dvd collection and jungle gym, but let's think feasibility.

Last but seriously not least (most of you know I prefer to commence or conclude on the most paramount)

GROWN EFF'ING CHILDREN BEING PUSHED AROUND IN STROLLERS!!!
In case your thinking: "Gee RrChitect! Aw hamburgers, that's a pretty subjective statement. How can you say what and when is too big for a stroller?" I say, good question little Timmy, I'm glad you asked. Here are some clues:
-if his/her legs are dragging on the floor
-if the child has to put in considerable effort or work to stay in or balance is an issue
-if he has facial hair
-if they have a cellphone
-if they can operate YOUR cellphone
-if they have an mp3 player and can sing Souljah Boy verbatim
-if they can operate a nintendo ds or psp
-if your arms and legs start to burn after a few feet
-if they can pick up and carry the stroller like or better than you can
-if they're the one helping you carry the stroller up the stairs


THEN YOU PROBABLY DON'T NEED A STROLLER FOR THEM.

And then you wonder why their monkey ass don't wanna read, study or go to class.......and their asses surrrrrrre are monkey.

Sidenote: note to self - remember to write blog on why I feel Souljah Boy is the truth.

Sent via Raphael  "I am Raphael Charles and I approve this message"

Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 2

The second installment in our investigatory series dedicated to solving the quagmire [GIGGIDY!!] of our time.

Previously in My $0.02................... Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 1

Now...............

Sidenote: You know your a dweeb when something happens and your first thought is "I can't wait to get on my pc and write a blog about this....". And your an uber dweeb if you type it up in the memo application on your bb or phone, email it, proof in on your pc an post when you get home or to a computer

Another sidenote: how the hell do you start a conversation with a sidenote?

Shout out to Karen Phillips for mentioning about this one. You accelerated it on my list, however, the bus ride I got off of made me think of it too. There were 3 "youts" on a bus (boy-approx 15-17, girl-approx 11-13, boy-approx 8-10) all talking about who fights more and comparing who's knuckles were more bruised n darkened.

Sidenote: I wanted interject and correct the eldest young man on his form. You should never land a punch with last two knuckles of your fist (as they are merely attached by cartilage) but instead you must aim to connect with your first two, pointer and middle fingers (since these are actually securely anchored into your forearm) to inflict maximum damage and minimize risk of self injury........ Then I caught myself and agreed that that would be more so fueling the flames of ignorance than imparting knowledge so I decided to hold my tongue and let it be.

another side note: this is my new format for "sidenotes". I figured typographically it works. What do you think?

Granted every generation has its knuckle heads, numbskull's, and plain addle brained idiots, but why are these kids not home at 9pm (granted this was on Presidents day but still)? Which leads me to theory # 2

Theory 2: No quality after school programs.

When I was young, you couldn't PAY me to hang out after school. Matter of fact, I didn't even realize ppl actually did that until about 6th or 7th grade. I had no time to get into trouble, I had to race home to catch my cartoons, NO QUESTION! My roster varied from years to years. Examples:

3pm - G.I. Joe (if you wanna know how much I heart that show check this out).
3:30pm - Transformers. Extra-terrestrial bi-pedal cybernetic organisms, or rather autonomous robots (Auto+bots) that transformed into vehicles, cities and any other inanimate object in order to disguise and blend into our environment - GREATEST FRICKEN CARTOON CONCEPT....EVER!!! Worthy of its own blog...hmmm......

Sidenote: Watch any old Transformer or G.I. Joe episode now as an adult and you'll see why my generation and I always had a monster vocabulary.

But I digress......

4:00pm Video Music Box - another staple in NYC growing-up-ness. For those of us who didn't have cable and waaaaaaay before run dmc, waaaay before "Yo MTV Raps", The Source and eons before the God-awful atrocious atrocity we know as BET, VMB held us down. VJ Ralph McDaniels kept us up to date with the latest rap videos, dances, politics and fashion trends.

Then there were other generations. Not quite the golden era, but you have to give props to Disney afternoon for holding a strong arm on after school action (Darkwing Duck, Gargoyles, Rescue Rangers, Ducktales, Gizmo Duck, Gummy Bears etc), the WB era of Tiny Toons and Animaniacs (another contender for my favorite all timer), Toonami and too many others to name.

And let's not forget the many valuable after school specials specifically designed to teach yo kids while you make your way home, prepare dinner and do all your parenting duties. Lessons like:

• "You see little Timmy, there are good touches, and then there are bad touches..."
• "Jus bc all your friends are smoking glass pipes doesn't mean you should too..."
• "......and that's what to do if your teacher touches you little Jane..."
• "Now that we've learned our lesson, what are we gunna do next time we find a gun in mommy and daddy's room?"
• "Unless they're a doctor, you should not let anyone stick you with needles..."

[PAUSE]

Every single child program was designed to deliver a key valuable life lesson. You'd swear a panel of psychiatrists were on the team of writers. I believe Ren n Stimpy was the beginning of the end (coincidentally around the time I stopped going home for cartoons, started hanging out and got caught up in various nefarious urban stereotypical activities before turning my life around), inspiring an armada of badly drawn, poorly animated thick outlined cartoons with pointless plots and stupid brain cell killing characters. American animation went from being nominated for an Oscar for best film (Beauty n the Beast) to Beavis and Butthead and we've been spiraling downhill ever since. I don't care how tough you are, every human being I've ever met cried or at least teared a little when they first saw Lion King (however in a bit of irony, I laughed during a similar scene in Bambi) and if you didn't, then....then....your just evil! And a meanie! And you should die...okay too much. A meteoric fall of elephantine proportions.

What ever happened to the "Moral of the Story??" What do our kids learn from Pokemon and Yugi-Oh (promiscuity?...."gotta catchem all?".....no?...no good?.....too much?)? And for the life of me, why the EFF is Power Rangers still on the air?!! What's the incentive to even go home after school now? Where's the all-star line that has kids running home after school or has network television fallen prey to the avalanche of Judge "So n So," Judge Pookie and Judge Ray Ray 'nem?

Sidenote: Dora the explorer is THE SHIIIITTTT!!!!! Wonderpets are THE SHIIIITTTT!!!!! I never knew the hype about Dora, but I recently caught a few episodes..........hoooolyyy learning tools Batman! I love that show. When I have kids, they're watching nothing but Dora. Spongebob however,.......... I know grown women who love Spongey but I'm sorry. The only thing you can learn from that tomfoolery is be dumb, how do be dumber and new dumb shit to say. And you wonder why your littl'ins can't read at their level worth a shyeght!.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 1

YEAH I SAID IT!!

I can easily see myself as a future Bill Cosby, giving key note addresses at graduations in a sweat suit and slippers and cursing out the young generation.

I've been pondering this question for a number of reasons. First of which, if you're not up on "JUSTUS" comic, you really need to check out last weeks http://www.isitjustus.com/ comic "recreatioNULL"

So other than having every means of access at their disposal, we have an alarming increase in the rate of high school drop out, late graduations, and students reading below grade level. So I began looking at our society and amongst many reasons, here is a major one.

Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 1: NO G.I. JOE

I would love to give my parents ALL the credit for my fairly stellar upbringing, but they didn't get home till about 4-5pm. So alongside a host of wonderful cartoons, too many to name, the most influential was G.I. Joe. Let's ignore the latent pro-army/patriot, anti-terrorist, good vs. evil dialectics, the gratuitous fascination with guns (every man born btwn 1970-1989 can accurately mimic any gun noise with their mouth and easily identify a tech-9, mac-10, m-4, m-16, desert eagle, colt .45, glock .45, 9mm, .38, .22, Beretta, calico, ak-47, Uzi, or German Luger...to name a few.....or just anyone who grew up in "Reaganomics" Brooklyn). Let's ignore the fact that it was the most racist show in the history of TV (like I'm the only one who notices all the black ppl rapped or barbecued, and the one Chinese guy was bare-footed and while everyone had guns he carried throwing stars).

G.I. Joe did something that saved the lives of so many other children..........PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!! We live under the guise that "Common sense" is "COMMON." ITS NOT!! Look at just some of the valuable lessons GI JOE taught us:

• Don't swim in a lake during a thunderstorm
• Don't touch downed electrical lines
• Don't accept offers or talk to strangers
• How to stop a nose bleed
• How to swim and not drown
• Don't touch stray animals and not to run away if a dog approaches you, walk away slowly.
• What to do if your clothes catch on fire
• What to do if your house catches on fire
• Don't stereotype and prejudge ppl
• Don't hide in things that can potentially suffocate you (saved my life many a game of hide n seek)
• And 15 others!!!!!!
  

I watched the GI JOE movie on dvd the other day and as an added feature it includes ALL ORIGINAL 25 PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS. OMG!!! I last night realized I quite possibly learned more from GI JOE than from any other one source in my life!!!!

At a latter time I will delve into the seemingly disturbing question as to why a Joe was always in a 2 minute radius of these children when something went wrong. I found it quite alarming that Wetsuit emerged from a lake as soon as the kids are about to get into trouble. Does he spend his free time observing kids swim from the bottom of lakes? Idunno. Damn pre-megan's law ass stalkers!!

"Thanks R! And now we know. "
"And knowing is half the battle!"

GEEEEEEEEEE.IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOE!!!!! [dunna dun da dnnnnnnn!!]