TOS: Facebook owns you. Get over it. Here's how.........Part 2

Previously on "My $0.02"............TOS: Facebook owns you. Get over it. Here's how.

ADDENDA!!! - 04/14/10

So here's a shocker, over a year to the date I originally wrote this, facebook has a whole new interface, look at navigation. YAAAAAAY....pay attention, they took away more rights.

Have you noticed that you're getting more random solicited friend requests and msgs from strangers, stalkers and ex's you've been trying to avoid? Are all the ppl you've tactically blocked finding you? Well, Mr. Zuckerburg and co., who are admitted huge fans of Twitter (insert frowny face emoticon) did away with many of your our privacy settings YET AGAIN. Gee......what a shocker....this is outrageousssss [insert uproar].

Sidenote: Why do I have a feeling that Twitter will bring about the fall of
mankind?

Well have we been violated? Well yeah, if you haven't read TOS: Facebook owns you. Get over it. Here's how. and applied those simple tips to safeguarding your information. For additional not-be-a-moronomics, also revisit: PSA: "Facebook/myspace/twitter/Blackplanet ruined my relationship." However, since the playing field has changed, we must now adapt. Here are a few more pointers that can help safeguard your privacy. Please, feel free to add any that you may have discovered.

Sidenote: The real question or rather commentary to ponder on your way home is, if you decided to make a public personal page on the World Wide Web (www.) then why in Lou Farrigno, are you so concerned about privacy, but I'm not going to be a jerk to point fingers and ask questions. I'm just saying. Personal accountability ppl.

-PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE take the year out of your birthday! I know I mentioned taking all biographical information out of your page, but for those reading for the first time (and the hard headed alike) along with your other info....which we encouraged you to take out, this is the last piece of the puzzle for your friendly neighborhood identity thief.

-Re-visit your privacy settings. A lot of them are still there, but have somehow, mystically been set to "public." Most of them are just a click away.

-Limited profile. I don't think ppl utilize this feature nearly enough. Some ppl, you just need their contact, but they don't need an all access backstage pass.

-Disable tagged pics. I did this for a project that was under great scrutiny.......but now that the project is over, I think I'll leave it the way it is. I think my photo albums and profile pics are more than enough for someone to identify me.

-Toggle your photo settings. I recently found out that a lot of my albums were reset to public, when a friend told me how her friend spent some time going through my photo albums. Make sure they're all set to "friends only."

-Stop linking accounts. I'm very wary about anything that requires putting a screenname and password from another account. Whats the point of a pseudonym or an avatar if it's linked to your biographical info? Is anonymity the modern duck-billed platypus?

-Disable your wall. What better way to keep raggedy comments off your wall, then to not have a wall? I see more and more ppl doing this..........or maybe they just put me on "limited profile" :-S

If worse comes to worse, I supposed you can delete ppl. I've clicked on contacts before only to find that we were no longer contacts anymore. No fall out or disconnect, they just decided our one or two interactions were not enough to bless me with the honor of their facebook page. Can't blame em. But once again, the greater question is, what are you so afraid of revealing? Are you a douche who goes through great painstaking lengths to conceal it? Hell, if a fugitive can evade authorities while updating his facebook page AND build a fan page with over 10,000 followers, what are YOU worried about simple person?

REF:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/12/23/uk.fugitive.facebook.prison/index.html
http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/facebook-fugitive-taunts-police-while-on-the-run-20091229-lhyn.html
http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-10434345-71.html

Sidenote: He probably got caught by signing up to Twitter.
Sidernote: My friend and I have a number of theories where he may be hiding. Remind me to share.

Are you suffering from "Recession Body?"

I've noticed a peculiar trend over the last year. All the ppl who I know to normally be health nuts, fit freaks, gym rats, diet natzis have all slipped and slacked off. Myself included. Could this be another adverse affect of the recession?

"Recession Body" Diagnosis:

• Are ppl spending less time in the gym bc they are spending more time at work?
  
• Second jobs?
  
• Job searching?
• Are more ppl packing on pounds bc they are home and out of work?
• Are more ppl canceling their gym membership to cut corners in an attempt to save money?
• Are ppl generally less happy, and thus unmotivated to work out?
• Are ppl just so stressed that they are drawn to worry about more pressing matters than their physique?

I had to give myself a stern reminder, my whole get it shape campaign was by no means cosmetically motivated. I actually went through some serious series of events and health issues (I'll stop there in the name of TMIatry) that made me undergo a serious life and health overhaul and think of my life/health in the long run.

The thought first occurred to me during Carnival bc number one, I was not content with how I looked (never again!) and two, a lot of ppl who normally take Carnival serious and go all out to get in shape for it.........for lack of a better word, fell off.

Well fortunately here are two great motivators for fitness: New Years, and the one currently upon us, WARM WEATHER!!! There's just something about warm weather that just makes ppl want to get naked. And with much skin exposed, comes much responsibility. The weather hit 60 in NYC last weekend and you would have sworn it was 80. Ride that momentum and let it take you out of your current slump. The economy may be in shambles, but must you be? If the country is on the up and up towards recovery, how about you?

Reasons why they invented camera phones: NOT THESE FOOLS AGAIN!!!

Cant make this stuff up. And no, the images are not photoshopped. Across the street from the glorious Kings Plaza Mall in Brooklyn, (Kings County, get it?)........................















For the full comprehensive list of ppl that should be thrown out into the street and shot, please reference: Reasons why I always have a camera...LMAO!!!!!!

........................OR, if you're feeling lazy, I can stop being lazy and just relist them, HYAH!


List of ppl who must be thrown out in the street and shot:
The person who came up with it.
Their buddy who said "that's a great idea!"
The person who decided to put it on a highway
The person who designed the ad
The person who agreed to pay for it
The person who decided to use the 'O'

List of ppl who should be slapped, but you can't REALLY blame them:
The people who printed the sign (I want to know how they kept a straight face or were they laughing all the way?)
The people who gave the permit for the sign
the people who mounted the sign

"How do I Identify if I'm in the Hood or Not?" [from The Blackberry Chronicles]

Prologue: I loathe the term......or rather misuse of the term "GHETTO." The common or rather collective, normative (same shit, but I like all those words and couldn't decide which one to use) usage today is thrown around to mean "cheap, inexpensive, half-assed, make shift" and even worse but basically "negative." I won't get into the whole eptimology, but prior to the 20th century, "ghetto" meant (short-end) a low end community comprised of a specific ethnic group, and more commonly associated with Jews in Europe (look it up yourself). So post civil rights movement (which I think did as much damage to black ppl as it did good, but thats another conversation), industrialization compiled with the proliferation of the highway matrix/suburbanization/"white flight," the term "ghetto" has been stripped down is now associated primarily with blacks, poverty, and violence. Not everyone in the ghetto is black, poor or violent, so I hate the umbrella grouping associated with the word. So when I refer to a poor violent neighborhood, I typically use the term "hood" (a hybrid derivative of "hoodlum" and "neighborhood").....[dismounts from soapbox A, gets on soapbox B]

With this mass gentrification/ reverse exodus going on nationwide (naaaah homie its not just your hood) many "hoods" are turning around and becoming trickier and trickier to identify these days. This is a good thing however this can be very dangerous. Many "hoods" these days are not as easily identifiable as the blatant hooditry of the 80's and 90's (i.e. Crack vials, abandoned buildings, crackheads and homeless ppl rampant, thugs posted up on the corner, ppl drinking 40's and other liquor right in the street, etc). Rather than large masses and clusters of hood, we're seeing more and more common, patches with a chance of scattered hood in the forecast. You could live in a really nice house in a decent neighborhood........and have that one suspect house on the corner. You can live on a really nice block......just don't cross one avenue east. Great community.....but walk three blocks down and you'd swear insurgents crossed the sea.

Folks, we're in a new era. Don't be fooled by the old signs of good neighborhoods.

Sidnote: White people walking through the ghetto alone at all hours of the night was the first sign that the ghetto was being turned around. Especially if they're walking a dog cus then you know they live nearby. But don't let that fool you. Just bc the Euro's are moving in... it's still pretty much Bedstuy, Harlem or [insert local hood thats being gentrified here]

Sidernote: I'm half joking, half serious from here on out.

So, what I've decided to do is put together a comprehensive list of iconic yet subtle signs so that when apartment hunting or visiting your friends, you too can identify whether you can listen to your mp3 player, or pull out the headphones and dial 911 and keep your thumb on "send." These hood landmarks have not changed in 30+ yrs regardless of who's in office or what economic cycle we're in. This has taken years of research and travel and investigatory investigation to compile. The thesis first hit me in the mid 90's when I returned to Brooklyn after spending a week in long island by my cousins. I noticed certain staples in the hood were unheard of in the suburbs and vice versa. Also, traveling city to city its harder to spot hoods; example, in NYC, project typology is tall brick buildings grouped together. In New Orleans and Connecticut, projects are a bunch of low rise buildings. In Cali and Tennessee, they have projects that look like NYC suburb houses....that is when no one is around.

Now don't get all alarmed and worried about your property value plummeting bc you recognize one or two things. Rule of thumb: you have to have at least 5 or more of these within a 2 block radius or strip to classify as a hood. 2 minute drive for more rural driver based communities.

The 10 Quintessential Iconic Marquees of a "Hood"
1. Check cashing places. Outside of a busy metropolitan area, you'd be hard pressed to find these unless in the hood. Typically bc of high immigration/lack of papers, ex-incarceration (the penal system in this country is SO cruel how non-violent convicts are treated upon release, but thats another conversation), bad credit, high rates and fees, tax evasion (stuffing the mattress) and a plethora of other factors (sometimes plain ol, "don't trust the system"), many ppl in the hood don't keep checking and savings account. The check cashing place is swamped Thursday through Monday with ppl dying to cash paychecks, pay bills, play lotto or wire money to family "back home".......a Caribbean epithet of endearment for back to our native country.
2. Hair SalonS/ BarbershopS. "Now wait a minute! Barbershops are everywhere!" That is true, but ask yourself can you stand on a particular corner and identify 5-10 barbershops and/or hair salons in visible range?
3. Korean shops. I decided to lump the "Korean vegetable store" and the "Korean variety store together." Add to the list Hair supply stores.......and nail salons.

Sidenote: It is a crying shame that so few black ppl are capitalizing on the collosal market that is black hair. I previously said "there are fewer procedures on earth, shy of surgery, more complicated than the black mans facial grooming ritual." Here you go. This is one of the most complex subjects.........sciences in the world. I know grown women who are older than me and know less than I've learned on my 11 yr journey of hair. Everything matters from what you eat, how you wash it, EVEN WHAT YOU SLEEP ON.

Sidernote: Give it up to the Korean pioneers that strong armed the black community and cornered all the markets of highest consumption in areas with low property value. They only missed out on one industry which leads to # 4

4. Bullet-proof chicken spots. Sidenote: This probably should have been number one, and as much as I hate to perpetuate stereotypes.......black ppl eat a lot of fricken chicken. I remember in college I use to go eat my home cooking by myself bc every time my classmates saw me I was eating chicken. But that's another conversation.
Every neighborhood has Chinese restaurants and wing spots, aka "wings n thangs," but when you see a 1/2 inch Plexiglas btwn you and the merchant, with some double windows or revolving drop box, congratulations your in the hood. I remember the first time I walked into a Chinese restaurant and there wasn't a foggy layer of plastic btwn us, I was shocked! Wings n thangs, aka "the A-rab spot," box chicken, or wing spots may come under the name of Kansas fried chicken, Kennedy fried, crown fried, royal fried, kantaky and even of late Obama fried (to much protest), basically any fried chicken that aint Kentucky, where you can get anything from fried chicken, bbq chicken, pizza, hot dogs, burgers, apple pie, ice cream, gyros, cheese fries, milkshakes, ice cream, cake and fish.......and salads. I'm just talking for NYC. Names vary from city to city. But what surprised me is that other cities serve in similar red and white boxes.

Sidenote: the A-rabs have the stronghold on oil in the middle east and oil in the black community. Crying shame that there's not one black person capitalizing off the distribution of chicken.

Sidernote: To help understand why black ppl rock with the bird so much, understand this. Chicken is a cooks blank canvas and its cheap. Idunno where the saying "tastes like chicken" comes from. Chicken doesn't taste like anything until you give it flavor. You can eat chicken 3 days in a row and have 3 entirely different meals. Wanna know how: baked chicken, stew chicken, jerk chicken, curry chicken, fried chicken, stir fry, bbq chicken, hot wings, chicken fingers, teriyaki, orange, pineapple, mango, grilled, etc. But I digress.

5. Storefront Churches. When you see what looks like it should be a store, a house, garage or apartment, and you see a "chuch" name as long as a bible passage itself, that is one of many chuches in the hood. Hood ppl love them some "chuch" and aren't limited to steeples and traditional church structures. Don't be surprised if you see someone posted in front of a van with a megaphone singing and sharing the gospel.

6. Bootleg movies. Like Jadakiss said "we in hood like bootleg movies." The bootleg is the answer to the age old question, "why pay $25 for the two of us to see a movie (yeah, NYC is ridic) when I can get it on dvd for $2-$5 (sacrificing some a/v quality) and watch it wherever, whenever we want?"

7. Liquor store. Typically a with a big yellow sign with black letters with creative names like "Liquor" or "Wines and Spirits." Very subtle.

8. (In some states) Gun stores....in close proximity to homes, churches and schools.

9. Pawn shops. There MAY be pawn shops in some good neighborhoods but A: I've never seen it
B: check again. They may be on the "border"

Sidenote: I'll never forget, I was in DC and I saw a Check Cashing/Pawnshop/Liquor Store all in one shop. Congrats. That was a kami hami uber hood!

10. "Tags" or "Tagging" (not to be confused with Graffiti) aka some cornball who knows nothing about the art who feels the need to scribble his/her name all over your neighborhood (back in the day, these ppl were known to the graffiti world as "toys"). Ppl who actually own property have a greater respect for public property and are less inclined to badly tag up schools, garages, churches and houses with markers and cheap spray paint.

Close tie for # 10 and honorable mentions: quarter waters, 50 cent sodas (aka "kill-baby" sodas, as we used to call em back in the day), 50-99 cent beers, and malt liquors. Try me on that. Someone please find me a nice neighborhood that sells Tropical Fantasy or St. Ives! All over this country I have yet to see one [interesting article on crimes n malt liquor].

"Drinking one 40 oz. bottle of St. Ives is equivalent to drinking a little more than five shots of whiskey."

Now if you happen to have ALL of these, congrats, you live in the UBER hood, but by now, I'm sure you already knew that.

Sent via Raphael  "I am Raphael Charles and I approve this message"

How to cellebrate Caribbean American Month. [from The Blackberry Chronicles]

Sometimes I have what I call an "I'm loving me some Barack" moment. This was one of them mid month this past June:

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim June 2009 as National Caribbean-American Heritage Month. I urge all Americans to commemorate this month by learning more about the history and culture of Caribbean Americans.

This is one of those stories that got very little to no media attention and I wonder how many ppl even know. I encourage everyone to read to official presidential proclamation in its entirety. This is indeed a joyous and monumental day for all of us of Caribbean/ West Indian descent.

Sidenote: Some people like to kick n scream n cuss about names and say nonsense like "I'm not west indian! There were no indians in the west!" Well newsflash! A: Caribbean implies that of the Caribbean sea. Guyana is not an island and its not in the sea but is included. Puerto Rico, Cuba and DR are in the Caribbean sea but are not of West Indian culture. B: Caribbean comes from the word "Carib" whose etymology derives from Cannibal so pick your poison. "A rose of any other name...."

So halfway through the month you might be thinking: "good googa mooga! Holy current roll batman! I have been slacking and not doing my part to honor and celebrate the great West Indian nation. Hark! How for can I ever celebrate and partake in thus glorious recognition?"

Good question little timmy! I'm glad you asked. So in order to help educate the masses, I have braved painstaking liberties to compile the official complete guide to celebrating West Indian American heritage month. One mustn't feel compelled to do everything bc everything is not applicable to everyone. Some of these are old fashioned, some of these are more advance but not for the novice W.I. Tis merely a pallet for allyuh to choose from.

How to celebrate West Indian-American Heritage month:
1. When driving, disregard 40% of your local DMV manual. Standard laws of "right of way" and common etiquette need not apply.
2. Never signal when turning or switching lanes.
3. Drive everywhere as if you have a lady in the back seat, who's water just broke, on april 15th, and you haven't dropped off your taxes yet. Curse at ppl who don't.
4. Hang dice, boxing gloves, shades, baby shoes, tassels, lanyard, flags or any token with your country's colors on your rear view mirror.....and a rosary. Not from the West Indies? Not a requisite. No problem. Just pick an island from your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, cousin, co-worker, best friend, neighbor or the last west-indian you ran into.
5. Pick an island and refer to it as "back home." Any time there's a problem with this country in the news, complain, rant and boast about how "tings" are SOOO much better "back home." Typical opener: "Ya know back in [insert country]..." Use this as an opportunity to threaten ppl about you goin back home.......despite the fact that you:
A: been living here for 20+ yrs
B: was born in the US or last went 15 yrs ago or
C: never even seen "back home" outside of cable TV or other ppls vacay pictures.
6. Exercise tactical west indian utilization of the word "ting" (substituting "thing) as a noun, adjective, verb, adverb, pronoun, subject and predicate in the same sentence. Ex. "Allyuh jus a too damn ting! Ayee minute ayu only tingin di ting till ayu duz ting an ting wi di ting. Yuh tingin on too ting!" You've mastered it when everyone around you completely understands.
7. Point with your nose, chin and use exaggerated hand gestures. This will help with #6.
8. Spend one entire week where you eat rice or chicken, or both EVERYDAY. A true west indian can cook rice or chicken 7 days a week and each day will be a different meal.
9. Men. Brush up on the news and spend at least one day debating politics with a group of friends for at least 4 hours straight. If the subject matter involves a state, or country that doesn't even concern you, even better. Bonus!
10. Women and children. Stay clear of men when debating politics. Particularly older men. They may appear like they are about to fight and knock each other out, but trust. Everyting is ok.
11. Married couples. You are not to show any type of love and affection to each other. Not in public. Not in private. Not ever. Sleeping in separate beds, rooms, states or countries is acceptable. You will know you're successful if your children start asking you for your anniversary date, wedding photos or question if you are in fact, actually married.
12. Spend one day watching an Oliver Samuels Marathon.
13. Contrary to one island (Jamaica) the official music of the west indies is Calypso and SOCA! You must fill the air with as much calypso (pronounced "ky-ee-so") soca and pan music as possible. Must be '09 or up to 5 yrs back. Ol school soca is acceptable at family gatherings, Saturday/Sunday mornings to afternoon or whenever doing household choirs. (And even Jamaica has a soca/cayiso carnival). Its not mandatory but when playing old school calypso, macaroni pie and or potato salad should be within reach.
14. Enjoy the heat......not outside, INDOORS. Disregard the fact that its June and wear sweaters/ fleece and sweat pants indoors and sleep with the heaviest comforter you own. If you're feeling really festive, use a space heater around the house, complain to the landlord once a week about "not enough heat" or turn your thermostat up 5 degrees....regardless of where it was.
15. You must attend at least one "fete" this month. There's a huge difference from parties and "fetes." But that's a whole nother conversation.
16. Fellas. The days of "ma, can I holla" are dead. You need to step your game up to ol' G west indian cat-calling. You need to wow the ladies with the romantic prowess of such beautiful pet names like (but not limited to) BAY-bee, sweet-EE, dAAH-ling, doo-doo, doodoo dAH-ling (thats a combo/advanced concepts), mommy nice child, macaroni pie, dump-ling, suga dumpling, chunkalunk, coconut wata, or consult the nearest elder west indian male, preferably one with gray hair, gold and or missing teeth. Laugh, mock, criticize and poke fun all you want. Most of these dudes have like 10-15 kids with 10-15 women.

Sidenote: Rule of thumb, the most important thing should either go first or last to really emphasize significance.

Most important of all: you must learn as much as possible about all the other islands. Master the accents. This has nothing to do with unity, but quite the opposite. The Caribbean is the most divisive, dysfunctional household on earth. You must use this knowledge to insult and degrade each island....out of love of course. Forget cricket or football, the international past time is hating, dissing, ranking, snapping on other islands.

Hands down the biggest offenders, Jamaicans and Trinidadians. Should they pre-empt an unwarranted attack, call the Jamaican a beef patty and ask why the women talk like Jabba the Hut and the men pants are tighter than them women? Call the Trinidadian a pulouri and make fun of the sing-songy accent. If they persist, jingle your keys or bang anything that will make a "ping-di-ding" noise. The noise will ensue an uncontrollable urge to begin whining. It will distract them long enough to get away. Tell a Baijian they talk like they have hot metal balls in their mouth. If u actually can find one of the 12 ppl from Grenada, Antigua, Martinique, St. Lucia, St. Kitts or one of those other small sandfly islands, hold up a magnifying glass and offer an award to anyone who can find these islands on a map. If you see a person with more gold than Mr. T, they're probably Guyanese.

Sidenote: I'm made in America but manufactured with Grenadian parts, but I'm an equal opportunity hater. Our dollar is worth more than the rest of them so kick rocks!!!

Now as a courtesy, leave the Haitians alone. Haiti was the first independent black nations in the west and one of the few armies to defeat Napoleon and for the subsequent 200+ yrs have been unjustly persecuted, discriminated and hated on more than any other island. Respect that rich culture.........but if one of those Haitian booty scratchers should start with you simply remind them that Haiti is not an island or country, but merely a town in the Dominican republic.

WARNING!!! Make sure you only do this amongst close, close, CLOSE friends bc letting a stranger hear you talk like this might lead to lost of teeth (and replacement with gold ones if you're Guyanese). West Indians like to cut ppl. There is a machete in every household even if they don't have a front or back yard.

Sent via Raphael  "I am Raphael Charles and I approve this message"

PSA: "Facebook/myspace/twitter/Blackplanet ruined my relationship"

As stated before, I have an armada of blogs, that I've typed but haven't gotten around to posting. I prefer to stagger them, long as they are anyway. Here's another PSA from "The Blackberry Chronicles"

Sidenote: I know what some of you are thinking and yes, BP is still up and running.

NEWSFLASH!!! If u fight over these sites, you two have bigger problems yall need to hatch out n discuss. But since technology is so prevalent in our lives and some of us are dense, and coincidentally I like to write about random shyte.........at long lengths, let's exonerate some lessons.

STUPID Things that probably shouldn't but most likely will cause problems in your relationships

-If you have a "top" or "favorite" friend list and ur "other" (just bc someone is occupying your space and time doesn't guarantee significance) is not in the top 3 or 5 and "Joe Schmo" is, expect to hear it. (Now notice I didn't say #1 cus clearly you had a life and family and friends before the person so I hope I'm not being too drastic here). I'm not talking about every single friend you have who gets mad bc you moved them down the list, so in retaliation, they take you off, I mean you're partner. If u don't get that, then that's a bit beyond dense. Its quite simple, if its not that important or mean anything, why even have a list? But going back to my original statement, if everything is alright, this wouldn't be a problem now would it?

-Guys!! If you're in a relationship, your big pimpin days or over....well at least they should be. Stop putting up profile pics.....with all these girls.....kissing........and hugging on you......IF ITS NOT YOUR GIRL!!!! I think this is prolly more dense than the first..........yep, definitely. Some guys just don't get the fact that a girl who like, loves, lust, and or cares about you, doesn't like to see other chicks putting there lips where they do. Vice Vera, bc some ladies are wreckless in this department too. You can argue that "well if you were secure it wouldn't bother you." Perhaps.......and I can argue that getting hit by a car won't kill me, and that's probably true..........but why go through the experiment anyway if I don't have to, ay? Why take the obviously harder, less respectful route?

-Don't get mad bc you lied about going somewhere and your monkey ass got tagged up a storm in someones photo album, being somewhere other than what you said. Didn't we warn you about this before? (REF:“I don’t believe in lying…….but if I did, here’s how I would do it…”)

Sidenote: See, technology didn't create the problem, it just exposed it. You're really mad at yourself for A of all, lying, and B of all, getting caught.

-If you don't have the decency cut off your boytoys or big booty hoes, at least have the common sense to tell them to stop or not leave inappropriate messages on your wall.

Sidenote: the wall post is not an inbox or chat window. If one person is visible on your wall more than 3 times at any given point, that's a bit much. Even further, the wall post is not the place to declare how great the dinner, date, sex, movie or Yahtzee was last night. Some ppl got family and co-workers on these things.

Funny thing, I know tons of ppl who have "stealth" profiles set up, for the sole purpose of doing dirt on the low or stalking (they may say "checking up on" but I say call a spade a spade") their man/woman. They will never post pics or add you as a friend. But they know everyone in your top 300 (yeah, it kinda lost significance after 8).

So in conclusion, if you and your other are in the same state, or some reasonable striking distance, sign off from time to time and fricken talk. We get so caught up in computer mediated communications (Dr. Hales -in training- taught me that term) that we forget to fricken talk to one another. I dated a girl in college who could never have a serious convo with me unless over instant messenger. She literally would call me just to tell me to sign onto im. Granted, point counterpoint, one can argue that some ppl are passive introverts and CMC gives ppl an outlet to express sentiments that would otherwise be bottled up and repressed. We like to blame everyone but the person in the mirror. CMC just gives us another direction to point.

Sent via Raphael  "I am Raphael Charles and I approve this message"

P.S.

-Its cool to keep your friends posted and publicly declare funny thoughts, but please don't use your status as a public forum to air your dirty laundry. I read some statii sometimes that really make my head shake due to extensive T.M.I.-atry. Please note, when you put your others' or ex' sex life on blast, you're also putting your business out there.......and making an A-nus of yourself more so than the other person! Its childish. Please stop, or detention for the both of ya!!

P.S.'er
-Can someone PLEASE tell me wtf is "complicated" under relationship status supposed to mean, other than a topic starter for ppl to nag and probe into your business?!! LOOK! you're either in a relationship, or not. We don't need to know your problems.

Sent via Raphael  "I am Raphael Charles and I approve this message"

TOS: Facebook owns you. Get over it. Here's how.

Recent uproar has soared through the news, Internet and all other forms of media about a recent change in Facebooks Terms of Service agreement. For those of you who don't like to be bogged down with esoteric terms and legal jargon mumbo jumbo, its that loooooooooong notice that comes up before you sign up for an online service or install software, which you are supposed to read but instead, scroll to the bottom,click "yes".....and in doing so, legally state that you actually did read it.

Useful Reading:
Uproar about FB's TOS "Facebook's terms of service (TOS) used to say that when you closed an account on their network, any rights they claimed to the original content you uploaded would expire. Not anymore."

"What does arbitration mean?"

Mark Zuckerberg's response

Now there are a number of reasons why I am not concerned, but to mention a few:

By definition, an agreement is a decision made in concert btwn 2 or more parties on a series of terms...........ok so maybe that's just my definition but I typed this on my blackberry one night btwn rem cycles when I couldnt sleep. LEMMELONE!! Facebook and sites like it are mutually beneficial. A virtual database to serve as an addressbook for every possible social network you've ever been a part of with 1 click access to 1000's of ppl?? How much would it cost you to build and maintain a website that does half of what it does? I hope Algorhythm or any other experts can chime in here. And how many different sites would you need? Example. A friend of mine writes and draws a comic strip called "Justus" . And by me promoting his facebook group, in the last few months he's gained about 400+ new subscribers who recieve his updates/subscription to new comics.

Well since we're screwed, here's how you COULD HAVE saved your privacy and moving fwd.....I say could have bc you most likely have done most if not all of the following already:

sidenote: I absolutely refused to sign up for twitter and lattitude as soon as I heard about them.

-The cliche mantra, as old as time, "READ THE FINE PRINT." I hope you finally learned this. In the information age, we are long pass the era of "ignorance is bliss"....its actually quite lethal. You can plead a lot of things in court but ignorance is not one of em.
-Learn the meaning of the term "ARBITRATION." Too much to get into on that topic but I gave you a fine article on arbitration you should read....and more importantly understand.
-If you don't want anyone to know, don't post it!!!! The people who actually need to worry about this bc they're doing the shit the govt wants to track are smart enough not to have fb accounts. You think al queda or the mob operate on fb? Don't nobody in NSA, TSA, ATF, CIA, FBI, NORAT, LMNOP or da WEST SIIIIIIIIIIIDE give a fuck about who tagged you in their spring break southbeach album.

Sidenote: I figured out years ago the only way to keep a secret....IS NOT TO TELL ANYONE! For the hard hearing, that was "ANYONE." Everyone has at least 1-5 people they can trust to tell things and won't repeat it......except to THEIR 1-5 people they can trust to tell things and won't repeat it and they may have a totally different wheel of morality and ethics than you two do, but we digress.

-Please don't link accounts. "Hey use this finder thingy to find your friends in your email address book who's on fb!" "Link it to your im or email account". Okay! GREAT IDEA.......... Let's completely forget that fb is still a complete stranger who you just willingly gave away YOUR FRICKEN EMAIL SCREENNAME AND PASSWORDS TO!??? You think they deleted it???

Sidenote: the amount of ppl who use the exact same screen name for multiple accounts, including bank and credit info is scary....exact same password, even scarier.

Sidernote: Apparently Karen Phillips likes the new format of the "sidenotes"..........but wont leave a fricken comment IN the blog

Side side sidenote: Screw spell check!! I will stand my ground and spell "sidenote" as one word. I lost respect for this bastard language after 2005 when "bootylicious" got inducted into the dictionary.

-Don't install mobile aps. Hmmmm let's think. A website that tracks data and stats and imma install its software on my mobile phone device thingy? I don't see the point, you can go on fb from your smart phones web browser anyway. Why do I need an application? Which leads to my next point.....
-Stop adding applications. Aps were cool the first few times enticingly luring me in with things I like but the agreement just kept raising my eyebrow. Your basically given additional third parties (that is a company outside of facebook) the rights to use all your fb info. This is why I don't get the outcry, this has been right in our face all this time. Read bitches!!! READ!!!

sidenote: I considered hyperlinking the "read a book" video however, although I agree with its satirical message, I do not in no way shape or form condone the use of the "n" word whatsoever.......but so far Boondocks gets my only "pass" card.

-CC INFO?? I hope to God that you did not put in your credit card info into fb so you can buy stupid "gifts" or pay for "premium" superpokes ::shakes head::
-Don't get specific. Why are you posting your physical address to a virtual?
-Leave the important stuff vague. Basically the stuff that you can't find on any public record. For example, look at my "info," always was and will be
Employer: "one of those firms"
Political position "lesser of two evils"
Religion: "trust in God, but lock your car door"
Relationship status....NOT POSTED and will never be posted ever again (talk about unneccesary drama in the ex-files)

sidenote: what the EFF is "complicated" other than a conversation starter and a reason for ppl to bother and ask "what's so complicated?" REALLY!?

sidernote: My ex-coworker Tiffany (God bless her, I heart her so) could not understand why I had all my co-workers on limited profile....

There are ppl who've know about this for years. A friend of mine Nazinimod, poet/designer, told me years ago that he won't post pics of his clothing line on myspace bc their TOS basically said the same thing that you forfeit or rather consent some ownership of anything you post to myspace. Hence why I post my blogsite LINK in my status and not the actual blog through rss feeds so it appears as notes. Blogs are copyright protected to SOME extent but posting it through the fb application absolves, basically null, void and yields that to guess who? Besides, all the comments go on fb, not here :(

sidenote: Thank you all for your continued patronage, praise and compliments but is there some technical difficulties as to why the frick you don't leave your comments HERE and not on fb, gchat, aim or txt msgs?? I'm such a comment whore (hangs head low)

In conclusion, to all you ppl who say my blogs are too long, think about how much software you've installed and downloaded that had a TOS that you just scrolled to the bottom and clicked "agree" and didn't read bc they were "too longl?" I've been installing computer software for years and all TOS say the same give or take a few articles, clauses and esoteric rhetoric. Specifically (paraphrasing):

"...you also agree that we have and or can exercise the expressed written right and or privilege to can and or will change this TOS at any given point and or time in juncture with and or without notification......and or."

I'm no lawyer, but basically that sounds like your telling me to agree to an agreement and or contract that you can change whenever and or however you feel and I have no power to fight? AND OR?? Oh yeah, I'm really going to put the coordinates to my secret volcano lair on this web site MUAH HA HA HA HA!!!!

Relax, even if there really is this big brother element that you're so deathly afraid of knowing all about you, chances are they prolly already do :)

ADDENDA!!!!

Another eyebrow raiser. FAMILY APPLICATIONS???? Why the hell are you calling out, listing and identifying all your family members on fb? We called that tattling or snitching. Don't wrap me up in third parties bc you're push button crazy!

“I don’t believe in lying…….but if I did, here’s how I would do it…”

SIDENOTE: O.J. Simpson is a dick! (inside joke on the title)

I was actually writing my previous post but in doing so, my previous post slipped on a banana peel, got knocked up, and gave birth to this one. The first paragraph was actually started off as part of the previous, but it spawned on such a tangent it grew a mind of its own……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Why do we do this? Best answer I’ve been able to come up with so far,…”beats me.” Seriously, “Iono” is as profound as it gets. Maybe we can claim immaturity, irresponsibility, negligence, but I don’t lose sleep over it anymore. That’s why I’ve been preaching the mantra of honesty for years. I reached a point one day when I decided I’ve told my fare shares of lies. Let’s try this fabled truth thing…and ya know what? IT WORKS!!!!!

I dated a girl once who used to pick and choose what was important and decide what she thought was relevant to tell me and what was appropriate to lie about. Fair philosophy….but here is the fundamental flaw. When a witness lies on the stand, the court dismisses the ENTIRE testimony. Why? BC your credibility is now in question. “Well it was just one little lie,” well how are we supposed to know that now? Personally, I’d rather you hate me for who I truly am then like me, love me, adore me and relate to a lie. Not bc I’m captain noble or anything (I’m far more evil than I give off at first) but bc I’m lazy. Lying is too much damn work.

Recipe of a lie:
-First you gotta come up with the lie.
-It has to be vague and obscure enough that they can’t launch a full on investigation, but it has be, simultaneously, feasible and believable.
- It has to be complete enough not to warrant any additional questions (women love to ask questions, whether they think you’re lying or not)…..make that “complete enough to MINIMIZE questions.”
-In some cases you may need corroborators to back up the story and provide alibis.
- If it’s not a complete lie, you’ll have to come up with back up and supporting lies pre-established so you don’t stutter and pause when asked questions (which unless you’re an idiot or dating one, you will be asked). The stutter and pause are dead giveaways of lying whether you’re under suspicion or not…unless you’re Stuttering John or Barack Obama (MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK!!!!).
-Lastly AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, you have to remember the lie long after the incident and all its details.

A lie should be short and sweet. A good lie is like a bank heist. In, bang, grab, OUT! In that exact order. You more details you get into before you change the subject, the likelier you are to run into trouble, so you don’t want to linger around (NAAAAAAAAAAH LINGA). The structure, content and syntax are the most important parts………..Gosh damnit!! Why is lying so equivalent to writing a thesis paper?

Sample lie: “I went out with my friends last night.”

BAD LIE!!!
Here’s why.

-Too open ended: “Where did you go, what did you do?” See now you need back up and auxiliary lies to supplement the primary root lie. Two questions came off the bat that you invited.

-You invited accomplices. “Who did you go with?” Now usually, if you been with someone for a decent amount of time, they know your starting line-up, so make sure they’re on the same page (in this day n age with texts and technology it’s so much easier). Don’t wait either. Notify them before you get home….preferably before you even go out to begin with. I had a friend who had a habit of including me in his lies to his ex….the problem is, he neglected to fill me in on the latest intelligence briefings. “Hey Raphael, so you had a good time with ‘so n so’ last weekend?” Mean while I wasn’t even in the country last weekend. I can’t count how many times I had to be quick on my feet with the fumble recovery. That’s another thing. Women (most at least….that is if they care about you) remember everything. Even if they drop the subject at the moment, they’ll bring it up again. Better substitute is either your INFORMED starting line-up player, or “co-workers.” People rarely know your co-workers or have access to them.

-“WENT OUT LAST NIGHT??” “Where did you go, what did you do?” Let’s back up and look at these questions and where most ppl f up. If you pick a specific place or venue, you better have been there. I notice a trend in most major cities where photographers aka club paparazzi, photograph every major event that night, so please believe they will find ya ass on one of those sites. Next, do your homework on the spot. A dead giveaway is telling me you went to a club when I got an email saying that spot was closed yesterday. I know in NYC, the venue changes from day to day. One spot can be a restaurant in the week, the hottest hip hop/rnb/reggae club on Friday, and a gay club on Saturday……so you tell someone you went there on a Saturday….. Also, they have friends that go out too. “Oh really!?? Did you see Ney Ney, Qua Qua n nem? They were there too.” Lastly, I can’t tell you how many times I went to parties and a friend of mine ran into one of their girls at the place just randomly.


WORSE LIE EVER! Never lie about going to a movie, bc that requires more homework. You fuck around and tell that dumb ass lie in front of a whole group of ppl who just happen to have just seen the same damn movie, now they wanna play trivial pursuit or Siskel & Ebert with yo dumb ass. Personally, I believe that if you have to lie about where you’re going, that’s pink elephant you need to deal with, but if you must, my favorite alibi, “We went bar hopping, bowling, played pool, sportsbar,” bc there are millions of them out there, no one will care which one you went to.

-NO CAMERAS! I can’t tell you how many ppl were sold down a river bc some dumbass friend decided not only are they going to A: take pictures, but they’re going to B: post them on facebook, myspace, whatever AND C: tag your lying monkey ass in them. In that instance, shame on you bc you should have put your starting lineup on the same page in the locker room and not let bench players into the game.

DISCLAIMER: Raphael Charles is a retired Serial liar/damn near CIA agent and has lied to everyone from parents, bosses, professors and yes girlfriends. At the end of the day lying requires too much upkeep, stress and work and there are few joys of relief in life like telling the truth and being accepted for it. Now I’m not the first to cast stone, whereas I still lie from day to day….mostly to protect and help the innocent and guilty alike. There are two types of friends out there illustrated in the best example of friendship I ever heard, morbid as it is; “If I show up to your house with a body in the trunk, I don’t want a lecture in morality at the time, I want someone who’s going to help me get rid of the body.”

Do not in any way shape or form blame this post for any relationship problems you have or may incur. If you have relationship problems that are caused by something online or something one of you read NEWSFLASH, there are bigger issues at hand that you need to deal with……that reminds me…. I wrote something about that too.

Why are women bigger cheaters than men?

Now that I got your attention, this is my devil’s advocate response to "why do guys always cheat?" (Fuel for the flames)

I actually wrote this in word and it came up to 2 pages, so I’ll sum it up in a paragraph and you can choose to read the rest at your leisure.

I believe, if not all, 90-95% of women cheat. I believe most single women (and some in relationships) have at least 4 men in her life:
1. The “Buddy”
2. The “Brain”
3. The “Sugar Daddy”
4. "TNT"
You can read or skip through the 4 types (and there's more, I'm just generalizing)
the real bread and butter is at the bottom under the page break, but I highly reccommend learning the 4 types. DUDES ESPECIALLY! So you can spot the signs and avoid falling into some of these traps.

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1. The "buddy" - This is your sensitive/easy-going/good listening/always there to talk to/ shoulder to cry on/ Mr. Nice guy. You talk all the time, even go out, eat, chill, maybe even catch a movie. He cooks for you, his momma loves you. BUT you know damn well he has absolutely no shot in hell getting anything from you i.e. relationship, sex. The sad part is most times the guy likes, or worse, loves you. The cruel thing is, you probably know this. Even more f’d up is you probably talk to him in gross detail of your romantic/sexual escapades and how much your feeling someone else. No matter how hard he tries or how close he thinks he is, he will remain in the “friend zone” forever. FELLAS, BE WARE AND OPEN YOUR EYES IF YOU’RE IN THE FRIEND ZONE! MOVE ON bc you’re wasting your valuable time. – trust me, I’ve been there.

2. The “Intellect” AKA “The Brain”, “Mr. Sophisticated” – Women bore VERY easily and thus need mental stimulation as well. The buddy may sometimes be the same dude (women like to consolidate their shopping as much as possible, that’s why they sell accessories at shoe stores) so beware of double duty fellas. This is the guy who’s in school, graduated, in grad school, teaches at a university, won the apprentice or has an exciting job while your man works at BestBuy (no offense to anyone who works at bestbuy). You discuss everything from politics to globalization, to the nasdaq to the deregulation of telecom to Greys Anatomy, Heroes and 24. He listens to your poetry when your man and family could care less bc he writes poetry, listens to Smetna, Bach and Jay-Z. In this day and age with IM, facebook and text messaging, you probably even talk to him while your man is sitting right there next to you. His setback: you already have a man or either he’s not that attractive, too old, too young, too short, skinny, fat, (insert adjective here). Or maybe you did experiment with him sexually but he cant kiss, was wack or ill-equipped so you figured, you better off where you are. Same applies to #1.

3. “The Sugar Daddy” – Not all women will experience this luxury, but if you have, I say reap it! This is a dude who takes care of you financially and may not always want something in return (but let’s be real, most do). I never been one, I don’t understand this phenomena but hey, I’m not signing up for that course. If you need anything, he got you from food, to shoes, to rent and everything in between. Typically; an older dude more accomplished, more mature, secure with a “good job” (personally don’t believe the words good and job go together but that’s another conversation) has his own place, car and is financially stable or well off. Most times, some dumby you're beating in the head (the wrong one that is). Sad thing is, sometimes this dude has a girl. Evil thing is sometimes he has a wife and family but chooses to find happiness in pouring money into some young girl to see her happy. You may not have had your rent paid but a few dinners, movies and gifts qualify. His set back: See #2

4. The last category has several names. I’ll refer to him as “TNT.” Usually, when I find a girl in a destructive, abusive, imbalance relationship and I ask why are they trying so hard to make this work (remember, I used to be a 1 and a 2 and 4 so I'm speaking first hand) it usually boils down to two things: The Tongue or the Tool and God forbid the dude has both – TNT is dangerous and women are attracted somewhat to that dangerous element. The sad thing, women will put up with verbal, emotional even physical abuse that much longer with a TNT dude. The evil thing about it, TNT dudes know this and tend to be assholes, arrogant and could care less. WHY IS THAT? It is much harder for women to find good sex and head than guys. A guy can make himself cum in 3 minutes or less. No matter how bad the sex is, it always has a happy ending. Most women have had more wack sex than good and I know women from their mid 20’s to early 30’s who have never climaxed (which is partially the woman’s fault for not knowing her own body but that’s another conversation). So when a woman finds good TNT (or one of the two) she will hold on to that bronco for dear life. He could have no job, 3 baby mommas, a rapsheet a mile long, never take her out anywhere or spend one cent, drop out the 3rd grade and slap her momma. And the girls response is “What did you do momma!!?” His setback, he’s an asshole, broke, unstable dangerous or all of #2

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If you read all of my brain fart, here’s the real bread and butter;

That breaks down to at least 4 guys in her life and she's cheating on all of them. She's satisfies her emotions, her mind, her finance and body, but not necessarily with the same person. If you're in a commitment but satisfy your needs elsewhere, is that not cheating?

Women always say guys cheat, and by cheat we mean sex right? “All they want is sex.” DUH!! Did you just figure this out? Were you born this size? I’m in no way advocating cheating, but I love to argue (it pisses my girl off like you wouldn’t believe).
If it’s wrong for guys to have sex with other women while their in a relationship, is it okay for a woman to go out with, go to dinner with, confide with, have someone spend $$ on her, sleep in the same bed as, “snuggle/spoon,” kiss, get head or all other things outside of sex with another man?

Bottom line, ppl cheat bc something is lacking. Whether its physical, emotional or mental are you doing your best to keep your mate happy? But then some people are fucked up and just have to fuck around so get to know the person before you start having sex and saying "I love you." IF SOMEONE COULD CHEAT ON HALLE BERRY, then no one is safe lol...