Accepting Change and Polarity

According to German philosopher Schopenhauer, all change, truths or any thing introduced as new, systemically goes through three stages:

First - Mocked and ridiculed
Second - Violently opposed
Third - Accepted as self evident and truth

That being said, I get a lot of positive feedback from my blogs, and for that we thank you. Subscribe, comment and follow along (and yes, I refer to myself in plural from time to time). HOWEVER, I do on occasion get mocked and ridiculed AND violently opposed. I welcome this, but please, leave the comments here on the blog site. Don't txt me, email or im me these things. So it was no surprise that I received a good amount of violent opposition to my "Why You're Still Single - Ladies I" post, despite my well intentioned "PROLIGUE."

As a writer, creative thinker, its is inevitable to reach some controversy or opposition from your words. Hell, with all the slack shit I been writing, I wonder what took so long. I been calling todays kids "dumb" more than a drunk Bill Cosby, talked about lazy moms and sniping babies!!

One thing I learned years ago was to suspend disbelief when looking at the views of others or simply, not to look at them. I'll never forget my first week at college, a dear friend Ayda Girma asked my opinion on her artwork. Unconfident in my ability to critique, I told her I was an architect and she said, "Who cares. Everyone's opinions are valuable. Even if its a bum on the street, at least listen first........then you can decide, okay you're a bum and I don't agree." Recently, my pal Al advised me that if I look at MSNBC, you have to look at FOX NEWS as well, bc the two are so polarized in viewpoints that it is impossible to find middle ground on either platform. No one is going to be convinced or swayed to the other side by a broadcast of Rush Limbaugh or a Michael Moore film. You either go in with the mindset you have or not at all bc you oppose them. They cater to like minded viewpoints....hence, both are entertaining nonethelessm, but how does that foster growth or change? Its about balance. Thats probably why ppl get so bottlenecked bc you keep getting the same advice from the same sources, the same news and info from the same sources and wonder why nothing changes and certain things never work out.

I simply started this series bc I, personally, am sick of all the man bashing, "no good men left," statistical, boarderline castrating propaganda that we're spoon fed all the time. If there was a spectrum, if there was some sense of self responsibility or variety in the arguments, I'd be fine. The "Why You're Still Single" series will eventually continue, but to be honest, A.D.D. is kicking ass, so I just need to get a few things off my mind before I get back into that. The news has just been oh so FASCINATING of late =)
It's amazing where ppl's hot buttons are.

Why You're Still Single - Ladies I

PROLIGUE <----(Please read before continuing)
1 - Choice.
As "the Architect" from the Matrix movies (no relation, I actually am an architect and RRC are my actual initials.........wow the assonance on that one..say that sentence outloud) appropriately stated: "the problem is choice." Many women have a harem of men at their will and bend, but CHOOSE not to embrace any of them. Partially bc of the other person (many specific reasons we will eventually get to), but also bc they aren't ready for the slow down and obligations that come with a relationship. Don't believe the hype, women have commitment issues too especially a busy woman with a lot going on in her life. It's a huge change to suddenly be accountable to and considerate of another person and lets be honest, women have issues with that just as men do. The reason I needed to start here was to make sure that we're clear, when we're crying and complaining, that many ppl are here, primarily by choice.

14 – You bottlenecked yourself by statistics.

If we haven't heard it eleventy-seventy times. What are the most common ones?

-Black women outnumber black men 12-1

-50% of marriages end in divorce

-The number of black women unmarried over 30 is double that of white women

But there are a few significant "soundbytes" that narrow the playing field that I'd like to touch on:

"% of men without a High School/ College diploma." I can understand why, but lets play devil's advocate here: Are you a university? Does this mean that there is no hope for redemption because I dropped out of high school or had responsibilities and financially couldn't go to college? Why are we wasting our time talking about careers and college!!? If we start going to middle and high schools right now and tell them no one will wanna date, marry or have sex with you without your diploma, we would have 90-99% graduation rates. I'll get started on the proposal. Shoot, Chris Rock dropped out of high school, imagine if his wife had that attitude about his millionare ass?

"% of men who have been incarcerated." DA: If you're job is an equal opportunity employer, why aren't you? Similar point, does that discqualify any one whose been encarcerated? There are ppl who change not to mention that many ppl are in prison or jail for non-violent offenses or have no prior criminal history. Martha Stewart and Michael Vick have jail records.

"% of men who are gay." Well there are gay women as well, so rest assure, the competition is thinning out too. Speaking of competition, there are factors that limit the types of women men look for also, so you don't neccessarily have to worry about the other 11 females. Just focus on the one.

"% of single men who already have children." DA: As with everything else, you're eliminating a lot of high quality potential before you've even gotten into physical or personality attributes. The older, you get, the more prevalent this becomes so at some point you have to decide are you going to let a good man go bc he has a child? Hopefully not too late, which spring boards to our last point of the day:

18 – Tunnel Vision: You woke up too late

There's a chapter in the book "He's just not into you" titled "Don't waste the pretty" and unfortunately I think many misinterpretted that and inadvertedly, wasted the pretty. Everyone has their "list" of things they are looking for in a mate. The main reason why you find attractive single people is because of their standards. There are the four leaf clover who are so pretty and humble but no one approaches them, but thats not the normative scenario. Now nothing is wrong with standards, but as you get older, you start to realize that a lot of your standards are superficial. Especially the specific ones. "He has to be 6'-4" and above....Are you a ride? What sport do you coach or do you anticipate storing things in high cubbards? Not only are your pre-requisites limiting, you've now illiminated more than half of your acceptable pool. My lil sis used to specify 6"-4"+ with slim athletic build, until one day I challenged her to keep a log of how many of those she actually saw per day for a week. But when you had "the pretty" on your side, your body was where some of you are trying to get back to now, you had the discretionary power to pick and choose as you saw fit. So you dated a little here, dismissed a little here, yada yada yada... Maybe it wasn't preference, but you told yourself you had to focus on your school/career/life and wrote someone off (that you could have made time for if you decided to) before they even had a chance.

Here's something to ponder when you're alone asking yourself "why?" Whether it was height, education, income, hair, complexion, whatever, how many wonderful men slipped right through your reach bc you didn't know how to spot them out?

A good man is like a stealth bomber. The irony of the stealth bomber is that it's the farthest thing from discrete. It's a loud, huge, BLACK aircraft...very discrete in the day time. However, most radar systems are completely blind to it. If you were in a tower, and used your eyes, you'd spot it a mile away, but alas, you were looking into the lens of the wrong device. Great, now you've been tactically nuked. NICE!!!

To be continued....

Why You're Still Single - Ladies: PROLOGUE

Yes, that was meant to be posed as a statement not a question. Answers aren't regularly followed by special punctuation.

Rest assure, the men's version is underway. However, it is an infinitely shorter list and number two, I don't hear men complaining all the time about not being able to find a good woman like its some impossible, insurmountable Juggernaut. I been typing this on my phone for weeks now and so far it works out to a 3 page document, single spaced, 11pt fonts........and I'm a ways from completion. I'm up to 17 reasons so far, but I'll space them out three at a time for now and see how that goes. I'm saving what I think to be the number one reason for last.

KEY POINT!!!!
This is a menu, and while it may not ALL be applicable to you, I'm just laying out the catalog of the most probable possibilities. We have a wide audience and the first step to combatting a problem is identifying the root cause, the "WHY," so let's try to identify which one is yours, embrace, accept and OWN it, and hopefully it will help you move towards a solutions.

This list stems from years of females complaining about this issue. I have a lot of very attractive, very accomplished, very educated female friends who currently, if not always, are single.

Sidenote: I'm sure someone is thinking the "no-shit-Sherlock" question of the day: "why don't you date them?" Well the "yes-shit-Watson" answers will be disclosed over the course of this series.

Ironically (or maybe its coincidentally) I also have a lot of single successful, accomplished, educated, (and dare I say) attractive, black male friends. So I know first hand that this myth about "there are no good black men" is nonsense and anyone who still proports it should be slapped with a pair of leather gloves.

The catalyst to me prematurely expediting this list was a recent article I read. Personally, I hate complaints (just as much as I hate the word hate, but clearly more). I take that back, whining and complaining. I get complaining with a cause and a focus and a fix-it attitude. I've always been more solution oriented than problem oriented. We all have problems, on varying scales, but if you're complaining to no avail, with no strategy, no course of action or concern for solution, either let us help you, do something about your problem or shut the eff up!! I wont even reference the article bc its the same allegorical excuses and justifications we always hear. Which was number 14 on the list but a good enough segue to get started, so lets jump right in.