"OOOOH! My first mistake was I wanted too much time.
I had to have em morning noon and night
If I would have know then the things that I know now,
I might not have lost the time I complained about" -en vogue
Fyi, many of my blogs stem from questions I'm asked as well as stimulating conversations. So feel free to ask any questions or suggest topics. This was a combo of both.
I adamantly believe for a healthy relationship to survive, you need your guys nights out and girls night out. Literally and figuratively....both sexes need both. Time with your "other" and locker room time with the same sex. We all need to agree on that as well as two rules. First rule: Shut up, n don't ask questions! "How was it" is the only question you get, at most, and no follow up! Any synonym of "cool," "aiiigh," or even just a syllable is an acceptable answer. Second rule: cameras stay home! I've seen many on both sexes go down in a glorious ball of flames bc of this.
Why is this so important? Good question, I'm glad you asked. Well with the exception of one couple I know who been together like 16 yrs.....over half their life and they're under 30, its safe to say your "other" has spent more time in their life not with you, than with you. Now I can't speak for women but I know men are territorial. We like to walk out a room or house and walk back hours, sometimes days later finding shit exactly where we left it. We don't like our seat or controls adjusted, some men don't even like to cuddle or share space. So when we do make that transition to share our world with someone else that's a big step. Celebrate your victory and be proud of yourself. Congrats, you are a catch. Take a bow. However, PACE YOURSELF. Baby steps (in football you get penalized for encroaching or false starts....basically making a premature advancement before the appropriate time to do so).
Sidenote: now before all you women jump down my throat, hear me out to the blasted end.Now men tend to have a lot of "junk" laying around that we don't use. News flash women! Its not junk and I cannot stress that enough. Ex. The basketball, football, baseball, toys, cleats, rifles, the mountain bike our homeboys, etc. Why? Bc we like to break into our old ways from time to time. Do the things we used to enjoy doing that made us identify with who we were and associate with manhood. Just bc we haven't done something in a few weeks/months, doesn't mean its over with. Matter of fact, find solace in the fact that we enjoy your presence so much we voluntarily forsaken so much for you....but don't assume its gone.
Sidernote: women who understand sports will understand men better then any other woman. We equate just about everything to sports. It's not a stupid game, its an analogy of life.
Sidenote: there are fewer faster ways on earth to fall out of a mans good graces than disrespecting his habits, hobbies and possessions as "junk." Action figures, comics, porn and video games (just to name a few) had a valuable place in his world well before you showed up. We don't devalue your billion stuffed aminals, dozens of shoes and infinite makeup collections. Leave us be.Men generally don't like change to begin with, or worse, induced change. We welcome adaptation, evolution and inclusion.....not transformation. We're odd creatures. We could've been well on our way to changing, but being told to is just enough to make us change our mind back and not change a thing (even I had to re-read that a few times so I hope yall got that point). So when in a relationship for some time, in order to not fully lose who we are (you know,.............. the guy YOU fell for), men need the occasional guys night. We need to (don't lynch the messenger) scratch, curse, talk smack, use the word "bitch," say things that we know you're not supposed to, that in any other environment gets you expelled, fired or arrested, make fun of things we know we shouldn't (old ppl, midgets, republicans, etc.), laugh at ppl falling, check out girls, talk about how hot some females are, critique sports, trade grooming tips, make fun of and harass our drunken friends who throw-up or pass out on the curb, fart n burp and just let our belts loose, doing all the masculine things we used to do under the "previous administration" (or lack there of) to no scrutiny. Guys don't scrutinize one another, we just heckle and roast each other, which is welcomed bc it sharpens our wits and keeps us on our comedic toes.
In addition, here's an answer to the popular question, "you're in a relationship why do you hang out with so many single dudes?" Once you hang up your spurs its fun to live vicariously through the stories of your single cohorts. Men have this universal "TEAM" mentality, where even though you're on the bench or the skybox, you get just as excited about that game winning home run as the man who hit it. If your man is gunna cheat on you, he either will or won't. Has nothing to do with his friends. Friends may push you to go out or take one more drink, but they are not THAT influential.
Sidenote: you can always tell when a man has spent a lot of time with his female. He typically goes into the mode where she dresses him and even more obvious, his wits are dulled and his comebacks are weak, dry and slow when he is mocked and ridiculed.So next time he wants to go out (and it is unfortunate that in some instances, permission is required) just be the cool understanding chick that says "sure, go right ahead." You'll never find a guy complaining about his girl wanting to go out with her friends (unless its that stank bitch we hate that's always filling your head with doubt and suspicion.....and you're over there thinking you're man is the problem). He'll appreciate the understanding and look forward to coming home, even boast to his friends about what a great gyal he has. It can help alleviate or even prevent some of the nonsensical arguments I've discussed before.
Sidernote: in case you raised an eyebrow, yes I did in fact say "trade grooming tips". I lived with just about every race, ethnicity, and there are fewer procedures on earth, shy of surgery, more complicated than the black mans facial grooming ritual. So much so, that many black men will not shave themselves and only allow their barber to. This may consist of a plethora of before, during and after products/treatments/ tools. Don't believe me? Ask a well/clean shaved black man what they use and unless he's one of those anomalies who doesn't grow facial hair, I promise you they will say no less than 2 (sometimes as much as 4) separate tools or one with a billion different attachments. OR "my barber trims me up."
REF: PSA: "Facebook/myspace/twitter/Blackplanet ruined my relationship"
and “I don’t believe in lying…….but if I did, here’s how I would do it…”
The net results:
- Happier guy = happier girl
- He won't feel like he has to lie to you (and in most instances, men don't lie bc they wanna do something wrong, its usually bc stifling girls give em a hard time for doing all the simple innocent stuff they've always did......when you met them) and men hate feeling like they have to ask permission to do things.
Sidenote: never understood (guys or girls) who met their "other" at a club.......and now suddenly doesn't like when they go to..............clubs.-And finally, after spending all that time with single guys, most men will remember all the reasons why they're NOT single anymore, value, appreciate and cherish you infinitely more.
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