Thursday, October 28, 2010
It's not too late............if he has any intelligent ppl in his corner, I hope they advise him to change his tune real quick or else he's just fueling a gravy train that he won't be able to board. If you don't believe me, holla at Antoine Dodson! Two kids made a parody of him on some real talk, and he laughed his way out of the projects, into a new home for his family, onto a youtube/facebook/website and onto the face of millions of masqueraders this weekend who will be buying the official costume or simply dressing up like Antoine Dodson for Halloween.
LAUGH NIKKA! Life's too short.
Some leftover change from the last blog:
Last week, a video parody called "Baracka Flacka Flames - Head of State" released, spoofing the song "Hard in the Paint" and I think it's hilarious and comedic genius. I've listened to it probably 5 times this morning alone and will probably incorporate quotes from it into my dialog for days and weeks to come. It's gone viral so of course, the NY Times jumped up on it. Out of the 2 page article, the spark that rushed me to the keyboard was the artists Wacka Flacka Flame reaction. Excuse the typos and grammatical errors bc as you will shortly realize, I was a tad livid after reading his reactions to the spoof and forced to carve time out of an extremely hectic day to share my $0.02 on the matter.
Sidenote: For those that don't know me, I hate the n-word more than any word in any language and has absolutely no place or business in casual conversation. Words do not belong to any exclusive group, so if its not acceptable for 1, its not acceptable for all. However, I rarely use it from time to time for strategic exclamatory purposes to make a point.MY RESPONSE:
Sidernote: Yes, i hate that word more than the word "hate"........and yes.......... more than wet socks.
Wacka can eat a can of rabbit dicks! he got some damn nerve calling someone "ignorant" and then his mother/manager has the audacity to say:
"THAT'S NOT A POSITIVE IMAGE FOR US, PERIOD, AS AFRICAN-AMERICANS, WHERE WE CAME FROM, WHERE WE'RE GOING TODAY."
Isn't your son the same dude who got a song talking about "drug dealer music?!!" I couldnt believe me h'eyes reading those quotes. Dude's on twitter talking about, "let other ppl see how ignorant other ppl can be" SERIOUSLY SUN??!! Wacka is the quintessential prototype of positive black imagery?!?!
Man, that shit jus pissed me off. spoofing the president of the united states is as old as the presidency itself. Saturday night live built its career and that of many comedians off of presidential parodies, but i think ppl get too sensitive bc obama's black. Dan Akyroyd - Nixon. Dana Carvey - Bush Sr. Will Ferrell's one man show on George W. is fricken classic and made me respect him as a comedic, artistic genius. See it if you havent already. Hell, court jesters and marionettes in medieval times made fun of the kings and royal families.
I’ll be the first to admit it [takes off “no-snitching” t-shirt] as black ppl, we can be a tad sensitive, and with good reason. But this is not WWII, this is modern warfare. Trench warfare is over, we gotta be more tactical and evasive about the battles we choose as to not dilute the argument. The biggest question online is, “is this a bad representation of Barack and our culture?” I’ll answer that for you……..NO N-WORD [twice in 1 blog is too much]! We made fun of G.W. for 8 consecutive years and counting, did that stop him from doing all the bs that he did? Yeah he screwed most of us over, but from an insiders perspective, this man accomplished soooooooooooooooooooo many things (for him and his ppls - legally, ethical or not) regardless of what we said and how we felt about him.
PERHAPS this is yet another a great opportunity for our community on a whole to take some reflection on the music we listen, respond to and download. How could you possibly get upset for someone doing exactly what you do.....the way you do it? You ever take a picture of someone and see nothing wrong with it, but they hate it and want you to delete it? Its okay for you, but not the president (who clearly isn't Barack), is that the message? So my nephews can watch you do and say ignorant shit, but not a spoofed president (who's clearly doing it in jest)?
One of the classic artist spoofs of all time was the South Park parody of Kanye West. If you haven’t seen it, look up the "Fish Sticks" episode on comedy centrals website - satiric it is comedic, GENIUS!! So much so, that Kanye himself, posted a blog the very next morning applauding the writers and admitting that he needs to check himself. Perhaps this is an opportunity for Wacka (and a lot of other artists) to also do some serious self reflection on what image they are portraying.
"I RUN DA MILITARY...........IF YOU WANT DAT BEEF!
I TYPE A LONG ASS BLOG AND PUT YOUR ASS TO SLEEP!"
LMAO LOLOLOLO!!!! Top 3 best Barack spoofs to date. Shout outs to AlphaCat
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
"What work outs r good to develop legs including mass and muscle? I work my legs but they're still skinny"
Sidenote: I've been getting a lot of questions that have fermented into blog posts. If you have a question or blog you want me to write about, shoot me an email @ firstname.lastname@example.orgRule of thumb #1: For building strength and mass, do more sets, few reps, heavier weights. Ex: instead of squatting 3 sets of 10 reps with 145 lbs, do 5 sets of 3-5 reps with 190 lbs
Rule of thumb #2: For tone, definition, fat burn and lean mass gain, do high reps with less weight. Ex: squat 3-4 sets of 25 reps with your own body weight and or 100-125 lbs.
Sidenote: Don't sleep on calesthetics. You can build some serious muscle, strength, definition, mass and lose a lot of weight by just using bodyweight exercises.Rule of thumb #3: You need enough water, protein, calories and nutrition to support your muscle growth. Cant stress nutrition enough. Building muscle mass without protein is like putting up a concrete building without cement (architectural nerd moment - eff you Denisha! :)). Water is the same as water in the analogy. If your caloric intake doesn't meet or exceed your workout, you'll get skinnier and end up losing weight or muscle mass [hint for ppl trying to lose weight, just invert that theory]. Simple workout formula: calories in vs calories out. Whichever one is greater, wins.
Rule of thumb #4: Don't HALF-ass the workout. Get the FULL ass....I mean, workout. What does that mean? You hear the cliches "slow and controlled lifts" and after that ppl tend to just drop the weights. Think about this, if you lift a sofa up a flight of stair, do you do it "slow and steady" then drop it when you're done? NO! For more strength and favorable results, lift fast/quickly (but still controlled) and on the drops, return the weight, slow and controlled (these are called negatives). Focus more on the negatives. I promise you, this will cut your max in half for any workout at first, but long term you will see waaaaaaay more results than the "jerk and drop method" that you see most ppl do in the gym. Reason being, you exercise, work and develop the FULL extent of your muscles and tendons and more important in both directions. It will do you no good to lift something if you cant hold it for very long. Not to mention your entire body strengthens as you struggle for stability.
Rule of thumb #5: For building strength and mass, free weights trump machines, hands down. Some exceptions, like bowflexes, cables and other machines, are equally effective.....or almost as.
Using this philosophy, here are some of the best leg workouts I found....rather, most effective for quick results as well as long term muscle, strength and endurance gain.
As much as I hate them, no leg regimen is complete without it. This is also probably one of the greatest total body workouts and along with the bench (great for abs, and back as well), should be the cornerstone of your workout routine. I recommend you start with bodyweight squats until you've perfected your form and body alignment. Caution is key bc this is probably the easiest workout to seriously injure your self doing. Easy when goin up in weight and when you get into heavy weights (180 and up) I strongly recommend investing in a good pair of work out gloves and a good lifting belt. You dont need a bar for this. You can get a great workout with dumb bells, plates or any type of weight (I used to do sumo squats with paint buckets or cinder blocks). For increased challenge and resistance, eventually graduate to one legged squats.
Hands down my least favorite. I stopped bc my thighs and butt were getting too big and I need my slacks to fit, so ladies, yall can have this one. Another workout that can be done with body weight until balance is perfected, then upgraded to bells or a bar. Once you're body weight becomes too easy, challenge yourself by resting one leg behind you on a chair (imagine you're stepping down from a chair but one foot is still caught on the chair) and do one legged lunges.
Sidenote: When I star gaining weight in places I don't want it, I refuse to buy bigger sizes. That subliminal psychological acceptance is the beginning of the end. 2 lbs here......2 lbs there.........then you wonder where that 20 lbs came from? Doesn't happen over night....I digress.Deadlifts
This is one where you absolutely need weights and unless its 80lbs or more, you're wasting your time. there are 2 types, one where you keep your legs straight and lift with your back solely. It's important to keep your back straight and never curl the spine. Second, you keep your back straightened and lift with your legs.
Standing Calve Raises
Moreso to isolate and develop the calves. Great for developing your calves to balance out your build and symmetry. I'd recommend 3 sets each with your calve pointed straight forward, in, then out.
Last rule (for mass gain) do not waste your time with seated leg exercises. Three reasons, first, when do you ever have to use your legs while seated unless you plan to kick the dog or cat across the room? For more effective workouts, stick to exercises that emulate real life actions (picking someone up, lifting a sofa, carrying a person, pulling something up). Personally, imagine things like body slamming ppl, pulling myself up from a cliff or pulling someone off a ledge, lifting a fallen beam, being on the Sprartan front line in "300," or any other action flick type, rescue, superhero stuff. :)
Second reason, extending your legs with resistance while seated add unnecessary unnatural stresses on your knees. Try this, sit down and press your palms tightly on your knees then try to extend it. If you feel a click or discomfort, that wobbly thing (your patella) is not supposed to move in that motion and that's what you're doing with weight (like leg extensions).
Third, its ineffective for strength bc it doesn't take into account your full body weight and your cores ability to balance and stabilize the weight. Seated squats (a lazy mans joke) will never compare to standing squats. Not to mention while seated you're pushing off you back and arms and adding back stress that's normally not there. I can seat squat 400 lbs 10x no problem but my max standing was around 300 without any of the knee problems I got with seated machines. The worse hands down is the seated calve raises or as a trainer once called them "a worthless inefficient workout that will give you enough of a pointless burn to make you feel like you actually accomplished something."
Sorry for the essay, but its not a simple question and there is no simple answer. Time, consistency and discipline are the final factors. Without them all this text is useless. I'll leave off on the last most important note: Become a student, and RE-learn every exercise. I learned most exercises in my teens and mostly with inaccurate or bad form. To avoid some serious, severe, irreparable damaging injuries, take some time online watching videos that teach you the correct form and RE-LEARN every exercise..........no matter how well you think you already know it.
I recommend www.BodyBuilding.com supersite - http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/index.html
ps, Leg exercise also increases your libido [GIGGITY!!] bc of the increase in testosterone production in your lower body. Also, it will radically improve your build and upper body strength. I didn't believe this trainer when he told me it would help me increase my bench, but it did.
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Monday, October 18, 2010
Good news bad news. Some of you may recall the saddest day of my life, june 15th 2009, when my alma mata closed the building with my free gym for good. Well on October 15th (exactly 1 year and 4 months to the day of the crisis), the rrchitect is finally back in the gym hence, excited to blog!!! My fat kid antics, physical dilapidation and flat out lard-ass shit has reached heights of epidemic proportions. I should show u the last bathroom pic I took. Put it this way, if obscene amounts of water suddenly dropped from my pelvis area or some parasitic alien symbiote burrowed and ate its way out of my stomach, I'd be the least bit shocked.
So why is this bad news? Although I LOVE the gym, "sports clubs" are one of my least favorite places on earth. I haven't been in one for over 3 yrs, on purpose! Now, I have no choice. My gym was perfect; small, minimally occupied and resembled the basements, cellars and barns of Rocky movies - all I ever needed. I began writing this list months ago when I visited on a guest pass and pretty much saw damn near all of these today. So here are the reasons why I HATE the Sports Club, followed by ppl I HATE in the Sports Club.
Sidenote: Ppl who know me KNOW about the only things in this life that I actually hate is the word "hate"......and perhaps wet sock, so brace yourself for some pure, unleaded animosity.Reasons I Hate the Sports Clubs:
"Smoke and Mirrors."
Most ppl don't notice the funhouse mirror tricks. In the weightlifting section they use skewed mirrors that make u look broader and mirrors that stretch and make you look slimmer in the stretching, machine and cardio area. Don't believe the hype. Check yourself out when u get home.
Night at the roxbury.
Most sportsclubs resemble bad 90's dance clubs and have the soundtrack to match. Should you forget your headphones, I highly suggest skipping a day.
The Illusive 20 lb dumbbell.
I've tried every major chain in many locations and states and no matter where I go, for some kiss-me-ass reason I can never find a blasted 20 lb dumbbell, and if I do, good luck finding two. Idunno what magazine said the key to fitness, weight-loss and the cure to E.D. is the 20 lb dumb bell, but how did it get so popular?!!! If your workout revolves around 20 lb weights, change it up bc there's a goblin/elf/troll/gremlin who steals all the 20lb weights, takes them to polar ends of the gym and keeps moving them around, only to reveal them when your dressed and heading out the door.
The "Wait Room."
Chances are, the only times you're free to go to the gym are the same times as the masses. That's sucks for ppl like me who like supersets or circuit training. I typically line up 5 machines with the weight I need then do 5 exercises back to back with no break then rest. Not gunna happen, up in da "club."
But folks, its not so much the inanimate environment that pisses me off so much as the signature characters you find at every "sports club" no matter where in the united states you go. (For brevity, I will replace "Sports Club" with "gym" but don't let the nomenclature fool you. I hate Sports Clubs.The Screamer.
I believe that at heart, most ppl are decent, so if I'm in an environment with large, heavy, die-cast pieces of steel everywhere, if I hear a loud orgasmic scream followed by a thunderous clank, is it naive of me to get startled and assume that someone is in direr peril? False alarm, that's just "the screamer" a person who can't lift a rep of 20 lbs with out Olympic power-lifter/ bust-a-nut grunts, followed by a "who-shot-my-big-toe" scream. And God forbid this person sets the weights down, they MUST drop them with seismic impacts as to disturb everyone around despite the highest possible headphone volume.
The Unjustly Modest for no Reason Nudist.
I hate the effin locker room for this one reason alone. For some reason, whether they have elephant trunks or light switches, men in the gym have absolutely no problem streaking in the locker room. My LEAST favorite thing to see in life, is a next mans bobby-dangles. You don't even have to be looking to see it, matter of fact, all attempts to avoid are futile. You can't put on your sneakers and turn without seeing someone suddenly drop their underwear or towel without warning. Didn't your parents teach you the getting dressed under the towel trick!? Some of em are just sitting there, CHILLING, naked, reading a paper. Combing their hair in the mirror. Blow-drying their balls (kid you not, saw that one today). The showers have curtains yet THEY LEAVE THEM OPEN!!! Until I get desensitized to it again (sadly that happens after about 2 weeks or so) imma get a blind fold, walking stick and a braille combination lock. No joke, I saw 9 penises today alone NINE (3 before I even changed, so I started to keep count after that, solely for this blog) and who knows how many "crack" dealers. It was so bad that when Patch and Denise Belfon's song "Pipe" came on, I had to skip it (my soca fans will get a kick outta that one.")
The 70's/80's Wrestler.
This is the guy who looks like Macho Man Randy Savage, with a make-over from Richard Simmons. Where they find these tights and t-shirts, Lord only knows, which leads to his counterpart:
The Prep boy.
I haven't put my finger on it yet, but some guys manage to workout and still look like a J-Crew add-virtissment (going for the British phonetics, let's see if I pulled it off).
The Girly Man.
Some ppl in the gym look as lost as an Amish virgin boy, in an Indonesian brothel. Things that make me wanna kick ppl (but I wont- Sidenote: I recently learned that if you stomp or kick someone when they're down, that's not only assault, its assault with a deadly weapon - thanks DEXTER).
-When ppl use the flat bench with less than 45 or 35 lbs. Newsflash. That's less than your body weight. Go home n do some damn push ups n quit waisting my effin time!
- When ppl do a million reps with the 5, 10 lb weight. They're typically pink and purple for a reason :/ OR....worse.....
-They're the damn gremlin hogging the 20 lb weights. Again, get a pair of purple and pink dumbells from Lady Footlocker and go home! Like school, gyms have requisites you should hit first.
-Every rep they do looks like they're gunna die. No one can concentrate bc they look like they'll drop the benching bar with no weight on it, and every few minutes you gotta run in and save em from killin themselves. Maybe you SHOULD invest in the.....
Overzealous, Ambitious Personal Trainer.
This is the trainer that stalks like a falcon over chipmunk. They wait for the right time to strike like the crock hunter, and lure you into a "free training session." They then proceed to work you to the point where you don't want to see anything metallic and or move for a week, then try to sell you on more of that masochism and the value of a "very affordable" $12-1800 training package. Ladies, this is sometimes followed by stalking phone calls.......very similar to.....
Horndog Holler Man.
You have to be a tenured member to pick this guy up. Everyone looks, but this guy hits on any decent looking (and some indecent) female in the gym, typically resulting in many a fine eye-candy fleeing, seeking sanctuary at other branch gyms. If your visiting this chain for the first time, we all know who will be the first to welcome you. His favorite target......
The P.O.A. "Club" Girl.
This is the girl that heard "club" in the title, and got the WRONG idea. We understand that some of you all are uncontrollably sexy in whatever you wear, and want to be comfortable, and we celebrate n embrace that, but this girl thought she was working the pole dance workout. You wonder if she's thinking "what will cause an orgasm on-sight" when she's getting dressed. GREAT!! Now I can't stand up, lay down or walk across the room for a few minutes.
The Baby Sitter.
This puss head absolutely has to do 50 reps on any machine he's on, thus delaying or causing you to alter your routine. Worse than him but sometimes one in the same.......
The Chatterbox & Wu-Tang.
This is typically one person or a gang of ppl who crowd around one machine all day/night, which wouldn't be so bad if they actually used it. No. This is the gossip corner, typically with TMI subject matter and overtly egregious machismo (often scaring of aforementioned eye-candy and P.O.A.). They usually spend about 15 percent of the time doing actual lifting work and 85 percent of the time talking and "resting" in btwn every set of 3 lifts.
Nice for no reason guy.
Idunno what's going at home but his therapist probably suggested the gym as a place to meet friends. That's awesum! My trainer suggested the gym as a place for me to get in shape, so leave me alone and let me do my thing.
No Business Giving Advice Man.
Ok, if someone has the audacity to critique my form, physique and or work out, you better be frickin Anthony Presciano (my physique role model at one point) or better. I love it when out of shape ppl, try to tell me what I can do to improve MY work out! Add them to the list of ppl I want to kick. There's always some excuse. They proudly wear their "Polk High" or "WAK Univ." class of 94 t-shirt and talk about their glory days of faded greatness or how much they USED to lift.....you know.. before "the accident." AKA "Shut up and take your own damn advice man."
Last but not least.......
The Gym Rat.
This person LIVES in the gym. They're in the gym when you reach, they're still working out when you leave. You go before work, during lunch and/or after work they're there despite not working there. They knowthe entire staff. You purposely avoid eye contact with each other bc they're a stark reminder of the inescapable truth......YOU'RE A GYM RAT TOO! Seriously, how else would you know they're always there unless you are?
Man......didn't realize I hated so many ppl.....damn wet sock excuses of a human being. Too bad all my friends with home gyms live too far. Guess I have to stomach the nonsense if I wish to get rid of the abdominal behemoth that has festered and grown over the last year n change. Sigh........super human, Zen-like focus and Shaolin Monk discipline is needed.
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