Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Why You're Still Single - Ladies I

PROLIGUE <----(Please read before continuing)
1 - Choice.

As "the Architect" from the Matrix movies (no relation, I actually am an architect and RRC are my actual initials.........wow the assonance on that one..say that sentence outloud) appropriately stated: "the problem is choice." Many women have a harem of men at their will and bend, but CHOOSE not to embrace any of them. Partially bc of the other person (many specific reasons we will eventually get to), but also bc they aren't ready for the slow down and obligations that come with a relationship. Don't believe the hype, women have commitment issues too especially a busy woman with a lot going on in her life. It's a huge change to suddenly be accountable to and considerate of another person and lets be honest, women have issues with that just as men do. The reason I needed to start here was to make sure that we're clear, when we're crying and complaining, that many ppl are here, primarily by choice.

14 – You bottlenecked yourself by statistics.

If we haven't heard it eleventy-seventy times. What are the most common ones?

-Black women outnumber black men 12-1

-50% of marriages end in divorce

-The number of black women unmarried over 30 is double that of white women

But there are a few significant "soundbytes" that narrow the playing field that I'd like to touch on:

"% of men without a High School/ College diploma." I can understand why, but lets play devil's advocate here: Are you a university? Does this mean that there is no hope for redemption because I dropped out of high school or had responsibilities and financially couldn't go to college? Why are we wasting our time talking about careers and college!!? If we start going to middle and high schools right now and tell them no one will wanna date, marry or have sex with you without your diploma, we would have 90-99% graduation rates. I'll get started on the proposal. Shoot, Chris Rock dropped out of high school, imagine if his wife had that attitude about his millionare ass?

"% of men who have been incarcerated." DA: If you're job is an equal opportunity employer, why aren't you? Similar point, does that discqualify any one whose been encarcerated? There are ppl who change not to mention that many ppl are in prison or jail for non-violent offenses or have no prior criminal history. Martha Stewart and Michael Vick have jail records.

"% of men who are gay." Well there are gay women as well, so rest assure, the competition is thinning out too. Speaking of competition, there are factors that limit the types of women men look for also, so you don't neccessarily have to worry about the other 11 females. Just focus on the one.

"% of single men who already have children." DA: As with everything else, you're eliminating a lot of high quality potential before you've even gotten into physical or personality attributes. The older, you get, the more prevalent this becomes so at some point you have to decide are you going to let a good man go bc he has a child? Hopefully not too late, which spring boards to our last point of the day:

18 – Tunnel Vision: You woke up too late

There's a chapter in the book "He's just not into you" titled "Don't waste the pretty" and unfortunately I think many misinterpretted that and inadvertedly, wasted the pretty. Everyone has their "list" of things they are looking for in a mate. The main reason why you find attractive single people is because of their standards. There are the four leaf clover who are so pretty and humble but no one approaches them, but thats not the normative scenario. Now nothing is wrong with standards, but as you get older, you start to realize that a lot of your standards are superficial. Especially the specific ones. "He has to be 6'-4" and above....Are you a ride? What sport do you coach or do you anticipate storing things in high cubbards? Not only are your pre-requisites limiting, you've now illiminated more than half of your acceptable pool. My lil sis used to specify 6"-4"+ with slim athletic build, until one day I challenged her to keep a log of how many of those she actually saw per day for a week. But when you had "the pretty" on your side, your body was where some of you are trying to get back to now, you had the discretionary power to pick and choose as you saw fit. So you dated a little here, dismissed a little here, yada yada yada... Maybe it wasn't preference, but you told yourself you had to focus on your school/career/life and wrote someone off (that you could have made time for if you decided to) before they even had a chance.

Here's something to ponder when you're alone asking yourself "why?" Whether it was height, education, income, hair, complexion, whatever, how many wonderful men slipped right through your reach bc you didn't know how to spot them out?

A good man is like a stealth bomber. The irony of the stealth bomber is that it's the farthest thing from discrete. It's a loud, huge, BLACK aircraft...very discrete in the day time. However, most radar systems are completely blind to it. If you were in a tower, and used your eyes, you'd spot it a mile away, but alas, you were looking into the lens of the wrong device. Great, now you've been tactically nuked. NICE!!!

To be continued....

Why You're Still Single - Ladies: PROLOGUE

Yes, that was meant to be posed as a statement not a question. Answers aren't regularly followed by special punctuation.

Rest assure, the men's version is underway. However, it is an infinitely shorter list and number two, I don't hear men complaining all the time about not being able to find a good woman like its some impossible, insurmountable Juggernaut. I been typing this on my phone for weeks now and so far it works out to a 3 page document, single spaced, 11pt fonts........and I'm a ways from completion. I'm up to 17 reasons so far, but I'll space them out three at a time for now and see how that goes. I'm saving what I think to be the number one reason for last.

This is a menu, and while it may not ALL be applicable to you, I'm just laying out the catalog of the most probable possibilities. We have a wide audience and the first step to combatting a problem is identifying the root cause, the "WHY," so let's try to identify which one is yours, embrace, accept and OWN it, and hopefully it will help you move towards a solutions.

This list stems from years of females complaining about this issue. I have a lot of very attractive, very accomplished, very educated female friends who currently, if not always, are single.
Sidenote: I'm sure someone is thinking the "no-shit-Sherlock" question of the day: "why don't you date them?" Well the "yes-shit-Watson" answers will be disclosed over the course of this series.
Ironically (or maybe its coincidentally) I also have a lot of single successful, accomplished, educated, (and dare I say)
attractive, black male friends. So I know first hand that this myth about "there are no good black men" is nonsense and anyone who still proports it should be slapped with a pair of leather gloves.

The catalyst to me prematurely expediting this list was a recent article I read. Personally, I hate complaints (just as much as I hate the word hate, but clearly more). I take that back, whining and complaining. I get complaining with a cause and a focus and a fix-it attitude. I've always been more solution oriented than problem oriented. We all have problems, on varying scales, but if you're complaining to no avail, with no strategy, no course of action or concern for solution, either let us help you, do something about your problem or shut the eff up!! I wont even reference the article bc its the same allegorical excuses and justifications we always hear. Which was number 14 on the list but a good enough segue to get started, so lets jump right in.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

PSA: Dudes! Stop hollering!!!

[From the Blackberry Chronicles]

I used to call this "pouncing" back in the day.


1[pouns]bv verb, pounced, pounc⋅ing,noun
–verb (used without object)
1. to swoop down suddenly and grasp, as a bird does in seizing its prey.
2. to spring, dash, or come suddenly: Unexpectedly she pounced on the right answer.
–verb (used with object)
3. to seize (prey) suddenly: The bird quickly pounced its prey.
The rarity of this method actually working is slim and requires a number of factors to be in alignment for it to work:
  • Timing
  • Mood
  • Mutual attraction
  • Execution
  • Wording
  • Tone and pitch

(must all be flawless. I mean Shakespearean flawless.)

On a train the other night, some guy came into the car and tried to "holler" at some young lady sitting across from me. I was shocked bc its been a minute since I've seen this. I didn't think this platypus of a practice still existed. Needless to say his approach in the previous criteria was mediocre at best. He didn't even take a seat next to her so she could hear him. I could have used some nachos or popcorn.

Fellas! You're doing a real danger to the herd if you persist. Reason being, if a man sees the woman of his dreams, and he happens to be her prince charming, she won't even give him the time of day bc 27 Souljah Boys already approached her incorrectly.

I can sympathize fellas. I've seen a few females that made me want to walk across the train car or pull over and throw on the hazards when I'm driving. But I don't. I just observe and keep it moving. First two reasons, I have a "never walk back" and "5 foot radius" policy. Also, I always remember this experience:
I once noticed an attractive female on the train who happened to get off on the same stop as me. Not only did we take the same bus, we got off at the same stop. We even walked 2 blocks in the same direction. Was this fate? Why didn't I say anything? Bc for that short commute I got a glimpse of what her world was like. I didn't count, but she EASILY got hit on 20+ times in just that 2 block walk.

It's not all hopeless young men. I actually had a hall of fame pounce that led to one of my greatest relationship for a good 2 yrs, but the conditions I laid out earlier was textbook. Bottom line/ best advice on "the pounce," a quote from Jay-Z sums it up best:
"If you draw, better be picaso, you know the best/
Cus if this is not so, ha, God bless."
Sidenote: Sad news ladies. Men will never stop especially the crude, disrespectful calls. Why? Good question lil Jenny. I'm glad you asked.

Sidest Note: I was tempted to write a comprehensive "How to" on pouncing, the correct way. Still on the fence about that......

Why men cat call and will never stop.

[From The Blackberry Chronicles]

Ladies: Its not news that men are notorious for cat-calling, doing and saying anything that comes to mind in an ill-witted attempt to get your attention. I've heard directly and second hand some of the most disrespectful mumbo jumbo spewed at women [the crown goes to overzealous, ambitious teenage boy shouting at random women across the street who walk by, "YO MAH!!!? WANNA FUCK!?" CAN'T make that up guys.]

So the question of paramount interest is simply, "why?" Why do men continue to do this?

No extensive, investigation, research or analysis necessary here. I won't even make this blog that long. I'm about to break it down into three uber simple words which irrelevant of its inexorable truth, some of you will adamantly deny and oppose:

.............because it works!

That's it. That was the reason right there in case anyone missed it or was waiting for something epic. Because it works. If it didn't work, men wouldn't do it. Did I say it works on everyone? Extra "Hell" plus some "nah" but I have seen women drawn in by some of the most backwards disrespectful calls ever. It truly is a fascinating sight when you've had one of these internal dialogues: "There's no way in hell she's going to respond to... OMG she's walking over. She's going to slap him for sure. There's no way any....OMG, is she giving him her number???"

To truly understand this point one must become versed in the Law of Averages, which states (succinctly) if you do something often enough you will develop a margin of success to failure. Aka ratio. Common example, batting average.

Men are hunters by nature and hunters understand this concept very well even if they never heard it packaged as such. If a cheetah can run down 50 buffalo, knowing he may get trampled, he's bound to catch at least one. Do all 50 ever get away? More often than you think. But by maintaining persistence and faith in the law of averages, whether 1 in 50 or 1 in 100 or 1 in 200, at the end of the day 1 is still 1 and that's all the predator cares about. Poor batting average? Perhaps, but according to who? No hall of famer has ever batted over a .3. That means in baseball, if you succeed only 3 out of 10 time, your a multi-millionaire hall of famer.

I don't give two flying soda pop bottles whether its right or wrong, it makes sense. As long as it still works from time to time, there's nothing us good guys can do to help on our end. Sorry, hate to put the onus on you but we tried. The only other option would be for women to stop being appealing or looking nice and I'm sure thats a loss for both sides. What yall need to do is form a "Million Women March"- international convention and decide as a ppl that women globally will never respond again to catcalls. Cus you know what they say about that one bad apple?

Sent via Raphael  "I am Raphael Charles and I approve this message"

Moving in together & the "Terrible Two's"

[From the Blackberry Chronicles]

I had a conversation with a good friend of mine the other day (based on the time I actually wrote this, we could now say "months ago"). We are completely platonic but she has a running joke about us getting married and I play along just for kicks. She will remain nameless bc her newly acquisitioned bf is not too thrilled with his lady always mentioning my name, and doesn't believe there's nothing btwn us...egh.

Sidenote: Ladies, women and girls alike. Be very very very careful how you throw the "M" word around with a fella. ESPECIALLY if its a recent acquisition, a romantic interest, you like or are just feeling out........[no pun intended but gladly welcomed] figuratively that is.......but literally too. Unless you are completely platonic or in an instance where interest and circumstance is not mutually beneficial, DO NOT fling the "M" word around all willy nilly. There are few quicker ways to scare a man off.....hmmmm......note to self: write "Gone in 60 seconds - 10 ways to turn a man off in less than a minute."

Sidernote: I remember I needed furniture so a friend and her ex took me to....uhhh...errr....a furniture selling chain store thingy place. I'm looking for dressers and cabinets and she took this guy into the baby furniture section. I tried to pull her aside n warn her but she ignored me. And they were together less than a year at that point. Such shake my headism. Now, is that the reason why they broke up? Of course not, but I'm sure that left a psychological footprint that lead to his short of lunacy behavior later on.
So amidst one conversation, we're planning out our wedding and so forth and we discussed living together. My rule was...........is, I'd have to live with a female for at least 2 yrs before I could even propose to her. She said "well we can't get married then bc I'm not moving in with a man UNTIL I'm engaged."

From what I gather, her stance is rooted in some pre-disposed moral ideology whereas mine is rooted in past experience in my life and times. Might I add, she has never lived with a man before. Baby's aren't the only ones who have "terrible twos," relationships do too. Its one thing to spend a night here and there, a weekend, even a whole week, but you really got to know a person when they're angry bitter or annoyed as well as cheery. Nothing helps you grow like sharing a space with someone who hates you more than life itself at the moment, but you have to share the same space, home, car, bills or bed. If facial hair in the sink and gratuitous nut scratching grosses you out, find out before you say yes. If you "can't be bothered" or grossed out when "Aunt Dot" or "T.O.M." comes to visit for a week, you need to hatch that out before you go ring shopping.
Sidenote: Who invented the concept of the man sleeping on the couch???! Eff yall, if I'm paying rent and or bills, I don't do that whole sleeping on the couch bs. I never understood that assininity. You sleep on the couch since you're the one who's so pissed off.

Sidernote: Two televisions = happy household. Not all men are sports fanatics, but for the ones who are when a game is on, we're not trying to hear about Desparate Housewive, The Real housewives or any other housewives for that matter.

By-the-waySIDE note: T.O.M. = Time of Month. There's always at least one head scratcher out there here's a balm for your scalp.

So now that my tiny doc and I can't get married, I pose the question to you all. When is a reasonable time for a couple to move in together?

Sent via Raphael  "I am Raphael Charles and I approve this message"

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

WHY 2009 made me a kid again....[oops]

So I started this topic and amidst my multitasking, re-prioritizing and self-diagnosed A.D.D., I never got around to finishing the point. However, I learned something: in my nievity, I thought that when you click "save now," it saves as a draft. Little did I know that closing the window commences the saving AND publishing process.

Background: At one point in my life there were 5 things that were more important to my childhood and personality than life itself:

G.I. Joe
Street Fighter
Comic Books

So allow me to elaborate on WHY 2009 made me a kid again.

Street Fighter 4
Street Fighter videogames were perhaps the greatest stress relief I have known my entire life. There are few ailments in this world that cannot be solved or alleviated by "forward, down, down-forward + Punch." <span class=lolcats funny cat pictures" border="0"> Ppl have asked me for a few yrs now "why don't you get a second generation system?" And my answer has always been....."they didn't have any SF games." Every system I ever had, some incarnation of SF was always my first game. After a billion variations of sf2, sf2 turbo, sf2 hyper, super, alpha, alpha 2, alpha 3, alpha just because, virtual, zulu, beta, lalala, and FINALLY part 3 five years ago, '09 marked the 20th anniversary of the original game, which revolutionized fight games, and probably one of the most imitated games of all times. One of the best games I've ever played in my life. Its been years since I shared a roof with my brother (who I probably had AS many real life fights with bc of the game) but now with these online networks who needs a roommate, brother or arcade. I can go online and play against live players around the world any time of the day.

G.I. Joe - The Rise of Cobra [SPOILER ALERT]
If you don't know how much I heart G.I. Joe...........
So this was a movie long overdue, but well worth it. First off, after the first X-Men movie, The first Hulk, Daredevil, and the first 4 batman movies, I lost faith in Hollywood's ability to maintain creative integrity in any storyline re-adaptation. Lord of the Rings and 300 are probably the best fiction story to movie adaptations I've ever seen. They always have to change something, remove something, create something new and ruin something.

Saying this to say, I'm not surprised anymore when they stray from the original storyline. G.I. Joe was an easy sell for me. Guns, CHECK. Explosions, Check. Cobra trying to destroy some stuff, CHECK. Cool military weapons and vehicles, CHECK. Snake eyes doing cool ninja stuff.....CHECK!!! They even threw in Storm Shadow too. As an added bonus they actually did a good job of explaining Cobra Commanders lisp and why Destro has a metal face, yet can move his eyes and lips.

Sidenote: Why did Snake Eyes have a nose and lips??? Who ever seen a ninja mask with nose and lips??!!! How could you ruin the simplest part of the movie?

Sidernote: Peter Jackson may probably not possibly iono maybe a racist, but you got to question his choices of films. King Kong and Lord of the Rings have some of the most racists undertones in all of fiction, but that's another conversation.

X-Men Origins - Wolverine

There is no man alive that did not want to be Wolverine at some point in his life or at least have his powers and retractable claws. Let's disregard that fact that Hugh Jackman is about 1 foot taller than Wolverine actually is, I was actually quite surprised. I must say, the prospect of a PG-13 for a film about one of the bloodiest comics of all time was an immediate turn off, but it ended up to be quite a gully, enjoyable Wolverine flick....which basically all three X-Men movies were.
Sidestnote: NOTES TO SELF
Write a blog on why Peter Jackson is a racist
Write a blog on all X-Men movies suck
Write a blog on "why 300 is the best movie ever!"

For example: Hands down the most anti-climactic, worsest, WACKEST finisher punchline in the history of cinema.................

.......Clearly these writers have never seen an Arnold Schwartzenegger movie....Ironically, Ray Pack who plays Toad, got the roll of Snakes Eyes in the GI Joe movie. He's much better when he has to shut the heck up.
Transformers - Revenge of the Fallen [SIGH!!!]
I would say spoiler alert, but the whole movie was spoiled, far as I'm concerned.
This movie was so bad it made me un-like and HATE the first Transformers movie. Throw everything I said about understanding out the window. I thought "Revenge of the Fallen" meant just that. Who knew they had to change the whole storyline and create a character named "FALLEN!!" And how did they manage to ruin Devastator, a giant mega robot composed of 7 construction vehicles merged (the original Voltron of the Transformer universe) into one of the coolest robots ever conceived. He was an evil Voltron on steroids. To help understand my frustration, this is the image of Devastator we've all had for 25 years.............

But noooooooooooooooo!!!! Kiss-me-ass Micheal Bay and the new folks at hasbro had this Ro-beast in mind............

WHY is he a dog, sucking up sand?!
Sidenote: Should have known not to trust Micheal Bay. After all, this is the man who made Pearl Harbor!! SIDEnote to self: Write about "Why Pearl Harbor is the Worse Movie EVER!!"
Terminator - Salvation [Spoiler Alert]
Terminator is one of the all time greatest sci-fi and action movies ever (albeit stolen from a storyline written by a woman who inspired both the Terminator and Matrix series). I loved this movie. After the third movie and recent beach pictures, they finally decided to have the governator sit this one out. Proved impossible to make a Terminator movie without Arnold but I was surprised.

Star Trek
Never really was a Star Trek fan, but loved this movie.

One of the best sci-fi sitcoms of all time was remade this year. Haven't been keeping up with this series. But who could forget the lizard faced aliens who ate live, whole mice and gerbils? Good thing they remade it, bc after recently watching the original....we were in desperate need of a special fx upgrade.

Maxwell, Genuine, Joe, we already talked about, but at the final stretch Boyz 2 Men AND R. Kelly drop albums???? What a 90's flashback!!?

Twas fun to reflect, and open a portal into my year to share with you all. Although I may appear a flagrant offender of TMIatry, I'm very calculated about what I choose to share and not share. Alas, this was..................IS a joyous year.