Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Club Cards — What’s the freaking point? [GUEST]

I've never done this before, but my boy Algorythm (I'm sure I mentioned my ol college fam whos a talented artist, musician, producer, web designer, graphic designer, genius inventor etc etc etc type of dude) posted a blog recently that basically read my mind and had me laughing from beginning to end with his angry for no reason rant. So as I've seen many other writers do, I will begin a practice of occasionally inviting guest bloggers to share their $0.02 in a segment I'd like to call "u read my mind."

Check him out.

http://allancole.com
http://blog.allancole.com
http://wordpress.allancole.com
http://algorythmusic.com
http://fthrwght.com

Club Cards — What’s the freaking point?

Club Cards — What’s the point?

So the other day, I went to the Grocery store and ended up spending about $10 more than I was supposed to because of these gawd awful Club Cards. — I don’t understand why these things exist.

(#rantalert)

It’s like joining an imaginary ‘club’ that anybody can get into. Why do ‘they’ even call it a ‘club?’ It doesn’t require anything from you, and you don’t really get anything exclusive for being in the ‘club.’ Yes, they have their ‘Club Card’/reduces prices, but if anyone can get the Club Card, and there aren’t any real requirements for getting a card, then the reduced prices should just be the regular prices for everybody, right!? I say there’s no ‘real’ requirements because every time a store asks me to to fill out an ‘application’ for their ‘Club,’ I put in a fake address and a fake phone number — I’m sure other people do the same thing to avoid unwanted sales pitches. It’s really a club full of fraudulent cheap-skates who have no problem telling lies(white) to save a buck or two — what a horrible club. I get that they want your mailing address so they can mail you promotions, ads and other non-environmental-friendly stuff. I have a good feeling that they mail you the same ads that they already have available in the entrances of every store. On top of that, the sales in the ads are useless if you don’t have a Club Card anyway — what a complete waste.

Actually, let’s look at how much gets wasted just to give us a ‘deal’ that we should already be getting.

  1. Plastic Non-Biodegradable Plastic Card (and don’t forget about the knock-out plastic that’s left behind when you get one of these.
  2. Paper Application form (sometimes printed in color too).
  3. Paper Snail-Mail Advertisements.
  4. Time is wasted when people are filling out the form in line while other folks are waiting behind them.

Solutions:

  1. 1st, fire the guy/gal who came up with idea in the first place. 2nd, get rid of the ‘Club Card’ system all together & recycle the plastic.
  2. Consolidate. As a last resort, companies who use these things should combine powers and issue 1 card that works in all stores.

Of course there are bigger fish to fry on this issue:

  1. Who has access to the database of addresses and phone numbers?
  2. Are they monitoring what folks are buying at Pharmacies, Grocery Stores etc?

C’Mon Son. But the cards themselves really bother me. They’re completely inconvenient! I only have one wallet, but I’m supposed to walk around with all of those cards crammed in there just to make a quick grocery store run? Makes me think of that Seinfeld episode with George Costanza’s exploding wallet. Even the mini key-chain cards are inconvenient. Who has room on there keys for 10 little annoying pieces of plastic? — Not I.

Again, why do these things exist? Am I missing something?

Comments?

Thursday, June 24, 2010

PSA: Hand Sanitizer is Not SOAP!


I recently had an e-discussion with a co-blogger about her germaphobia, which lead to the conversation of hand sanitizers. Hand sanitizer was originally meant for hospitals and labs where ppl are exposed to germs and various forms of bacteria all the time or environments where running water wasn't convenient, and at some point it became a commercialized mainstream consumer product. But the way I've seen ppl use it, you'd swear sanitizer was the new lotion or soap. I had a friend who would literally whip out the tiny bottle, splash a little dab in his palms and bathe in it every 20 minutes with a look of satisfaction as if he saved the earth, pleased his woman or thwarted terrorism. You can even get them in multiple colors to match the rest of your stuff. It grew steadily for years but after the world went ape-shit over swine flu......sorry H1N1 (wouldn't want to upset the pig and or pork enthusiasts), you cant walk 10 feet on a campus or office building without seeing one of these dispensers.

I'm a conspiracy theorists. Not in the sense that I believe the government is out to get me, aliens are amongst us and 9/11 was an inside job or the H1N1 was concocted to boost sales and stock of sanitizer, but by my pal Dre's (personal friend, not the rapper) definition: "I don't listen to or do something just because someone says so. If something doesn't make sense to me, I will and do question it."

That being said, I don't get it. Maybe I'm slow or behind the curve here, but am I supposed to sanitize the dirt that's on my hand, wet it, spread it around....and just carry on with sanitized dirt on my hand all day long? Whatever did we do before sanitizer came around? Here's a few things to consider the next time you reach for that bottle:

WASH YOUR HANDS!!! Hey! That's an alien concept! Nothing beats germs like good ol' fashioned soap! Forget about the 1% of germs it doesn't kill, WHAT ABOUT DIRT!? HUH? You can never wash your hands enough or too many times. If you use someone else' computer, wash your hands (you don't know what kinda nut-juices they have all over their stuff) or work in any community environment, you'd better wash so much you lose count. Personally, anytime I walk into a different dwelling, AND ALWAYS BEFORE ANY MEALS, I wash my hands to shed whatever doornob, wall, pole, person or railing crud I picked up along the way. Not to mention whichever, whenever times I scratched myself, sneezed, coughed or played with my hair.

PEE PEE!! Here's a scary insight [takes off his "NO SNITCHING" t-shirt] I would dare say most men (my trips to the ladies room are few and far in between, but that's another conversation) do not wash their hands when they use the bathroom! READ THAT AGAIN. This is probably why I wash my hands so much. That includes the workplace, restaurants, movies, bars, clubs, games and basically everywhere else where there is a public bathroom. One can argue that touching ones own tool is more sanitary than touching everything else in the bathroom, but your tool still should not be shared with the world. Only to select willing participants. I once heard a news report that revealed a high urine content at several bar's so I'd say away from those bar nuts if I were you................pun not intended...but gladly welcomed!
Sidenote: I hope I'm not the only one who uses his foot for everything in the bathroom stall. I'd sooner eat off the bathroom floor before I touched the flush or seat in a public bathroom. There are "no-handed" techniques that require no touching at all,but I'm not sure if that's common knowledge.....perks of being a man.
NUT JUICE!!* (*Credit to LTG for blessing me with that term) I'm positive that I'm not the only person who has to "correct" themselves from time to time (the male member can be very unpredictable and tend to act up in the least opportune situations so sometime we need to re-align him for discretion sake) or who's hand makes a periodic pit stop in the crotchzone, HOWEVER, I am always mindful of which hand I use for that, use my other hand for everything else and I wash my hands constantly. I'm sure you've seen some woman at some point in time mediate a conflict btwn her bra and the sweater puppies, or dig into the cavities down below and rescue a wedgie'd undergarment in distress.
Sidenote: Sometimes, we men try to be discrete about it and try to pull off the "hand in the pocket jimmy tuck around," basically try to reach him from the cloak of your pockets and put him back in place, but that sometimes takes way longer and can draw more attention to yourself. Just go for it, get it over with as quick as possible before you get a ticket for public indecency bc you look like you're pleasing yourself.
SWEAT!! Some people have armpits for hands and sweat profusely. Theses ppl also put their hands on everything....but its ok bc they have a coating of a sweat and sanitizer cocktail. I once heard a commercial say that up to 70% of airborne dirt is human skin. GROSS! Plus, I dont want my hand to be a collection of everyone's lotions.

CLEAN YOUR STUFF [PAUSE]!!! Get your mind out of the gutter, I mean your possessions at work home and school. Ask yourself this, when was the last time you cleaned your phone, keyboard, mouse, cellphone, desk, remote control, doorknobs, faucet, videogame controllers or anything else that sits in your hand for a long period of time.
Sidenote: Other ppl's homes should also be on the list of places you need to wash your hands. You could walk around with a black light, but lets just save everyone the embarrassment and play it safe. They may not share your sanitary values.
HANDSHAKES!!! This unfortunately tips the scale and levels the playing field. Despite all the precautionary measures you may take on your own part, western civilization is that of a touching nature, so we have to make contact with at least a dozen hands btwn leaving and returning home. For some ppl, hundreds depending on the profession or social setting (doubled if you live in the hood - ppl just want to slap five and give you a pound all day long). Many of these people are guilty of any one of these offenses (if not all) at least once in the day and in many arena's its is a blatant sign of disrespect to turn down a handshake. That's why I'm more of a "pound" man or as some ignoramii have dubbed it, "the close handed high five" or the "terrorist fist bump."

Believe it or not, our bodies need to be exposed to most of the natural airborne everyday germs and bacteria bc if we incubate ourselves, we don't develop and grow our immune system. But, in the time that it took for me to type this, I probably touched my locks a few dozen times and scratched my scalp 2 or 3 times, not cus its dirty (washed yesterday), but bc its relaxing and comforting. But if sanitizer gives you a a little peace of mind in a germ infested world, then who am I to salt the earth so that nothing may grow? You might want to consider wet wipes. Not only do they disinfect, they wipe away dirt as well.... and the nutjuice.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 8 [From the Black Berry Chronicles]

Previously in My $0.02...................

Theory 1
Theory 2
Theory 3
Theory 4

Theory 5

Theory 6

aaaaand Theory 7

If your child is dumb as bricks, then probably the first place you need to start is to let jr. know that, comparatively speaking, they're dumber than a refrigerator magnet.

Where did this come from? Excellent question little Timmy, I'm glad you asked. I'm coming home one night and I'm in a dollar van, front seat. I hear voices behind me saying:

Adult lady: go in the middle. move over
Young lady: why? You know I'm fat.

Adult lady: you're not fat, your head is jus big

............Can anyone take a wild guess what my sitting in the front inquisitive ass did next? Of course I turned around, but I had to turn back quickly. Granted it was at night and dark, (and my melanin enriched ass only appears as eyes n teeth in the dark - looking like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland) but my face has a tendency of saying what my lips won't. [I'm cogniscent of it and actively working on it, but for now.....it is what it is sun.] Let's just say I agree with the later half of her statement but not the first.

Not to make this a blog on fitness (but its something I understand quite well, makes sense to me and easy for me to equate to) but my whole fit journey started at age 13 when I one day looked in the mirror and could count the ribs on my chest. Its been uphill ever since but its bc I confronted and embraced that irrefutable truth. Which leads me to one of the greatest hypocrisies in parenting and ultimately, reason #8:

Theory # 8: Parent a too damn lie!(West Indian for, "parents lie too much")

Why do parents lie to children?! I think its one of the most cruel things you can do to a child. We lie about things, where the truth would suffice. And then we tell our kids not to lie and be honest. Here are a few of the most damaging lies to a child:

Santa Claus

Yeah I said it. Why are we lying about Santa breaking into our house to give us gifts? When I realized that Santa wasn't real, that caused such a heart breaking disconnect btwn me and my parents. It didn't take long. We had no fire place and my parents always said lock the windows by the fire escape, so minus half the folklore, the gig was up relatively early. Like the kids arent going to recognize uncle Louie in a hat and white beard?


"I'm not home!"

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who was told to pick up the phone and say a parent wasn't home or lie to a solicitor at the door while my parent is sneaking a peak in the window. It was even more entertaining when it occurred either before or after I got a beating for lying. I've seen and heard my mom say several times "she's not here," mind you, she's has always been the only female resident in the household.

Sidenote: I don't know about other cultures, but you don't confront a west indian parent about hypocracies and double standards ESPECIALLY as a child. Talking back is grounds for additional beatings. In many households, you aren't allowed an opinion until you're paying some bills or at least earning a paycheck.

"I cannot tell a lie"
Did the rest of you hear that bs story about George Washington and the cherry tree? How he chops down his pops tree and when confronted confesses with that infamous line? "I cannot tell a lie. It was I.". You know I was well into high school when I found out that never actually happened? Not that I wasn't that sharp but who thought twice about that story past 3rd grade.



Columbus Day
How do you discover a place that has been inhabited for centuries? Why we still celebrate this day, is beyond me. Let's make a holiday for the first slave ship or celebrate the start of crack while we're at it. You all do know that the king was convinced that Columbus was going to sail off the edge of the earth so the only ppl he would spare to accompany him were prisoners. It kinda puts a lot of history in perspective when we acknowledge that western civilization was founded by thieves, murderes and rapists. What lessons did we learn here: even in a royal fuck up, you can salvage the situation and come out on top, and who cares if something belongs to someone else. You want it, take it. Then you wonder why little Ben is stealing ppl's lunch money. I guess at the end of the day, I can't hate bc if it wasn't for the brutality and growing pains of this country, none of us would be here right now.

Sidenote: Look up the research of Dr Ivan Van Sertima

Tooth Fairy
Another pointless lie that a childhood can do without. Then you wonder why little Suzie grows up and let's strangers willingly into her bedroom or exchanges oblong favors for financial rewards.

Sent via The RrChitect by some Provider who doesn't pay him to advertise for them.

COD is CRACK!!! [From the Blackberry Chronicles]

Does COD, WAW (not to be mistaken with WOW) or MW2 ring a bell to you?

First sign that a videogame has reached epidemic proportions: women who don't play videogames know the acronym. My high school homie and many other women have confessed that this game has ruined her sex life. The menace we speak of, of course, is the 6th "Call of Duty" game: "Modern Warfare 2." And I confess, I would blog like everyday were it not for that game...........and Super Street Fighter 4

What man of proper testosterone levels does not want to strap on an m-16 equipped with silencer and red dot, frag, flash grenades, stealth and enemy radar jammer and run a Rambo/Commando on some charlies and tangos? Its like G.I. Joe....except the bullets actually hit ppl. Forget the fact that we are glorifying violence, warfare combat, and the blatant/latent pro-military propaganda, DA SHIT IS FUN SUN!!!

Why to men love this so? All men have some pent up frustration and or animosity that a lavishly successful career, good credit score, a healthy sexlife and/or rabid masturbation just won't alleviate. That's why men do surface level-seemingly stupid shit like hunt, extreme sports, unprotected sex, skydive, customize cars, box and date crazy chicks. Why? Bc society has set up so many social barriers that we cannot permeate. Its socially unacceptable to be violent despite our natual carnal instinct. How often have we seen we seen infants playing and one "Stewie" of a child crack-smacks the pituitaries out of a next child for touching his/her precious toys. Yet we vilify the poor tyrant-to-be as if foreign ppl are supposed to touch your stuff unwarranted (then u wonder why lil Jenny has boys sneaking out ur window while ur at work).
Sidenote: As I'm giving this a final glance over, I can't help but think this scenario sounds familiar........AH YES! We called it the Gulf War. Learn your history!

Sidernote: Ghost is one of the coolest fictional military characters since Snake Eyes and Mister T!
Its socially unacceptable and we frown upon hitting or enacting violence on women, children, old ppl, ppl from Jersey, Ben Afflack, students, puppies, bosses, co-workers, ex's, Redsox or Knicks fans - who coincidentally tend to be some of the most annoying ppl who arguably deserve to be hit the most! Not saying I condone viiolence but sit here and tell me you haven't fathomed pulverizing at least three of these types if not all, then cast your stones. So where does all this frustration go? Nothing vents frustration like calling in an air strike with an Apache chopper gunner attack helicopter or "the angel of death" Lockheed ac-130.

So next time you see your man playing some mw2 or any other game, don't feel jealous. He is simply making deposits into his "I'm not going to whip her monkey ass" account. And for that, you should celebrate having a good man. Get yourself involved. Test his focus.....challenge him and see if he can maintain a positive KD (kill/death ratio where you have more kills than deaths) while his penis is in your mouth. Some of yall are grossed out, but most dudes will go ring shopping for that or at least keep that in mind next time he's tempted to cheat.

Sent via The RrChitect by some Provider that doesn't pay me to advertise.

Sheer Madness

I'm not one to keep up with the hidden underworld of the fashion mafia who decides whats going to be hot this season BUT, I have a keen sense of observation. So let me ask a two questions that have been burning my naps for a few months now:

Who decided that this season's new "it" color was sheer?

When did naked become the new black?

BC THIS SHIT IS GRRRRRRRRREAT SUN!!!!!

Who is this fashion guru that came up with this? I need to shake his/her hand.

Haven't you noticed more and more women wearing less and less? Clothes that previously were reserved only for bedtime, slumber, underwear and intimate occasions? Not to the bedroom, but in the street, to the grocery store, in the bars, clubs, lounges, and yes, in some cases, to work. Its like some places, all you need is nice underwear, a matching pair of shoes and bag and you're good to go. It's a beautiful concept. It's like Christmas Eve, you're looking at your tree (that is those of you who still get Christmas gifts) and all your gifts are wrapped in clear wrap. These sheer cat suits or full body pantyhose are becoming a bigger fad than those multi-colored atrocious Chinese slippers were.
Sidenote: I've even seen sheer bathing suits. Who in a million years would have thought in their wildest imagination that someone could make a bathing suit even MORE revealing? Somebody nominate this man/woman to the Nobel society.

Sidernote: My favorite by far has to be what I call "flash sheer" that looks opace until the camera's flash.
As a society, our psyche is being desensitized by over stimuli sensationalism. Our barometer for surprise has changed so radically that its increasingly difficult to shock these days (shout outs to Erykah Badu, who managed to pull that off amidst this atmosphere with her "Window Seat" video I'm no performance art expert, so I can't say for sure that's what her intention was..but its definitely one of her results. About the only thing that shocked me was those two dinosaur eggs she's been sitting on all these years. I never knew!). It fascinates me that things that were previously deplorable are acceptable as common place now. I remember a time when you never saw any type of frontal nudity in mainstream publications. With the amount of nipples being showed left and right, thanks to the sheer brigade, what'll be the point of Playboy pretty soon? TV is just as bad. Spartacus: Blood and Sand should have been called "Blood and Sand..........and Titty" and True Blood should be called "True Porn." But then again, there was a day when you couldn't say "damn, ass and bitch" on network TV.
Sidenote: No Spoiler Alert, but everyone was smashing on Spartacus, at least 2-5 times an episode. And is it just me or was that show like a "Where's Waldo" for breast? I mean seriously, gadzooks and kumbaya, there was nudity in scenes that in all honesty, required no nudity whatsoever[No complaints of course]. Pan through the crowd at the coliseum - random couple smashing. Walk through the halls - random pair of titties saying hi to me. Two ppl having a conversation in the foreground - random blowjob in the background.

Sidernote: All nudity aside, if you haven't yet, you have to watch Spartacus bc it has THE greatest season finale in the history of television. I wish the lead actor a speedy recovery as he was diagnosed with cancer.
To the women who embrace this trend, we applaud and salute you [stands......commences a slow clap]. You revolutionary trailblazers are paving the way to equal rights and freedom from the oppressive tyranny of clothing. You too will one day enjoy the freedom and jubilant feeling of the wind and sun on your bare chest in public on a nice summer day. Curl your face all kinds of ways you want, but if I told you a year ago to wear a pantyhose and a clear top exposing your bra and tong-ta-tong-tong-tong-tong and go out on the town, you would've probably had the same reaction. My friends and I laughed the first time we saw one. We didn't know we were in the presence of a trend setter.
"You see, I'm not a monster.....I'm just ahead of the curve." The Joker, The Dark Knight
WARNING!! Consult your fashion council......cus quite frankly..........not everyone can........or should wear sheer. Some ppl cover themselves up for damn good reasons.

Monday, June 21, 2010

DRINK WATER!!! H2-OOOOOOOH YEAH!!!

Your body is 70% water....................you think water is important?
Sidenote: That's about average. If you wanna get technical, the range can be btwn 50-80%. More lean muscle mass holds more water than fat so, no, not everyone is 70% water.

Sidernote: Isn't it ironic that the planet too, is about 70% water? That's why I don't argue with ppl who say there is not a God or that the planet is not a living thing.

Southsidenote: I often wonder if they made commercials during our favorite cartoons of a gallon of water busting through a wall screaming, "OH YEEEEEEEAAAAAAH!!" would we have a different attitude towards water? What if we had hot sexy bikini models hawking drinking water in commercials during sports games or topless men during soap operas or Grey's Anatomy? What if water was the official drink of the NBA..........ok you get the point.
"I DONT LIKE WAAAAAAATERRRRR!! IT HAS NO TAAAAAAAAAAASTE!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" These arguments were probably effective when you were like.....seven, but grow the eff up. I can't imagine that colon exams and twat checks are a full blown bowl of Kellogs Pops, but as we age, we gotta do whats best for us FIRST, and what we like SECOND. So get creative, add lime or some other fruit. Try this, instead of that 20 oz cup you like to fill with juice or "drink," instead, try filling it 30-60% with water? Experiment to your desire. Here's some help, tea, coffee, powder mixed protein shakes, natural iced tea and lemonade count towards your daily intake, but they take longer to absorb that pure water without all the true health benefits........NOT powdered iced tea, lemonade, juice, tang, koolaid or red/purple/blue/green/orange drink. Try flavored water (avoid anything with artificial sugars for it is the devil). Hopefully those are some helpful "hows" but here's a few friendly "why's" or rather the benefits of water:

-Offset Jet lag. Most of the symptoms induced by jet lag are comparable to dehydration. A good measure is to drink at least 1-2 glasses of water per hour in the air ESPECIALLY if you drink on flights. If you're not proactive, drink a gallon of water upon landing, but I find the latter more difficult
-Hydrated skin = healthier skin. Softer, smoother and clearer. Ppl don't believe that I hardly ever use lotion yet I get complimented on my skin all the time. Think of it as moisturizing from the inside.
-You don't need to check the label or count the calories.
-Lighten up your meal. The average fast food or restaurant sit-down meal can range btwn 600-2000 calories BEFORE you factor in the drink, soda, coffee, shake or whatever beverage.
-Best sports drink ever. Check out The Water Rules via Menshealth
-Weight management. Whether you're trying to gain or lose, water is a pivotal component in flushing fats, toxins and regulating your body.
-More effective for all nighters than coffee. Why are you so sleepy, drowsy and delirious? You're not lugging crates, you're at a desk for crying out loud. Could it be that you're dehydrated? Have you looked at the symptoms of dehydration and said to yourself "hmmmmmmm.....sounds a lot like my last all nighter?" Do you really drink water or do you just babysit that one "guilt" bottle of water the entire night? Personally, I don't endorse all-nighters, but we all know not everything works in our favor towards a tardy deadline so sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Be sure to drink a bottle every 40 minutes, preferably in a straight shot. You'll have to pee like a pregnant race horse but you wont be dozing off.

Last note: do not make a crutch out of sports drinks and sports waters for your water intake. It kills me when I see ppl eating the super teriyaki delux sweet n sour bacon burger with curly sweet potato fries and kookamunga dipping sauce........and a vitamin water? Its not a diet drink ppl. Sports drinks are packed with carbs, sugars and salts bc when you work out, you need to replenish those things..........WHAT ARE YOU REPLENISHING AT YOUR DESK? What vital nutrients did you lose undoing the paper jam in tray 3? All you're doing by drinking these things casually is packing on carbs, calories, salt and sugars (or in fancy shmancy technical terms......"electrolytes" lol).

I suggest everyone get a huge measuring cup and track your daily intake. It's not hard. If your glass is 16 oz, then you know you have to down it at least 4 times a day. Another simple hydrometer is your peepee. If it's looking anywhere from tap water to lemonade, to water with a crystal light, you're in good shake. Darker yellow to gold, you need more water. If it's looking like Earl Grey Tea, you need to stop whatever you're drinking and get a gallon of water immediately!

Additional reading on the matter.
-Top 10 Reasons We Need To Drink Water!
-
The Full Importance of Water
via bodybuilding.com



Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Dont Fall for The AT&T Okie Doke!! [From the Blackberry Chronicles]

I'm always amazed how ape-shit ppl go over new Apple products. You couldn't even load the att website when the new iphone was announced bc all the iphone feens crashed the sight. Att is hilarious. They realized that they are utterly incapable of keeping up with the massive demands caused by the Iphone, so in an attempt fix it, their solution is..............stop using the network so much or we'll nickel and dime you out. But since they cant exactly cut your service against your will, they had to come up with a more alluring, seductive way to do pull this off.

If I believed in the market, I would have invested heavily in att about a month ago when they announced that they were no longer offering unlimited data to new users and revealed the new tiered data structure. Smart users will save a lot of money, but ppl who use their phone ignorantly will get raped. Once I get my new phone that will do all the things I currently don't do, the data calculator estimated me at 4.45 gigs a month. Att's "high end" plan is 2gs and $10 for every 1g over you go. Couple that with them raising the early termination fees on smartphones, (therefore, if you jumped ship just for the Iphone and are dissatisfied with terrible service, you're trapped or have to part ways with a kidney to go back to your old provider) att stands to make a killing.

Remember at one point, phone companies discontinued the unlimited nights and weekends (unless you already had it) bc of usage congestion and only offered 1000 nights and weekends. Remember when long distance wasn't included in your anytime minutes? Calling your neighboring state...and in some cases town, was an additional charge.

Sidenote: My first ever cellphone plan was 200 anytime minutes, long distance not included, unlimited nights and weekends, and I had it for a year before I ever went over (relationships are costly). My first txt msg plan was 200 msg... I average 1200-1700 txt msgs a month now. Can we agree that time and habits change?

Idunno about yall, but I would hold on to a grandfathered unlimited data plan (which they are discontinuing). At first glance, a $15 blackberry plan looks very enticing, but who knows what the internet will look like in 1-3 yrs. Look out for a few things here and on the horizon that will forever alter the next generation of cellphones. Here are a few reasons why you should hold onto your unlimited plan.

Video Calling: Although its currently choppy at best, if you can even connect a call, this is going to be the next mega-craze for smartphone usage. The Evo, Iphone 4 and a small handful others are a few that can video chat now. The quality is about as poor as pre-T1 speed webcam chat but will only get better. Soon, it will be as common as having a camera on your phone. You can't even find a phone today without a camera (they even have flashes that rival your actual camera). I would have preferred companies spent more R&D and fine tuned the concept first, but I credit these folks who pushed to be the first.

Tethering: It's bad enough that att charges you additional fees to do this, while other providers don't but with the tethering option, coupled with an unlimited data plan, you could make a wireless hotspot right at home without a cable or dsl internet plan. You can even use it anywhere with your laptop like an air card. You would definitely need an unlimited plan for this, otherwise whats the point? You think cell phone internet eats a lot of data imagine your computer internet usage? It transfers information to and from your computer even when you're not doing anything.

Video Texting: Att has a phone called "The Shine" and there are a few others that can already insert video into a txt message. Not a hyperlink, not an attachment. Yes. The actual video as streamline as those messages with pictures in it. After thinking "how fricken cool is that?" my inner nerd (shut up Denisha! He's inner I say!) couldn't help but think "that is going to consume a lot of data. Email can't even do that yet w/o youtube.

Wifi: If your wondering why you walk around with 2 spare batteries and bring your charger EVERYWHERE, its bc you probably have your WAP or wifi set to "on". Wifi is much faster than 3G (since its using a different network than what you use for voice) and can handle greater data transfers. This is perfect if you're trying to save $$ bc you can opt out of a data plan and just pick up a reliable wifi signal just like you do with your laptop. So what's the Achilles heal here? See first statement: since its doing more work and constantly checking for more reliable networks, its exorbitantly taxing on battery life, rendering it an unattractive option. As networks get faster and faster, unless companies do something to improve power management, more and more ppl will rely more on their data plans.

Blackberry Messenger: Yall know by now that if bbm was a woman, I'd massage her feet daily. I'm seriously about to get rid of or lower my txt msg plan (I haven't bc I had a conversation similar to this with myself) bc everyone I talk to most is on bbm. You can already have group chats, conference chatting, file sharing, send images, files and even record voice notes back and forth (how's that for a spin on free international conversations; feel free to steal that; you're welcome) its only a matter of time before video chatting is an option.

Multi Media Messages: Show of hands, how many ppl have more than 3 megapixels on their phone cam? Ok, now how many ppl have a phone cam that rivals most digital camera's? I remember when 3.0mp came out in the art/graphics/photography world, that was the death of "point and click" cameras and the 5.0+ was the nail in the coffin for film (outside of industry preference). Now they are making 5-10mp HD cameras on cell phones. Better quality = larger files = more data required to send those picture msg we send so frequently, a la "hey I bought some bomb ass new shoes - CLICK:::SNAP:::SEND- see!!??" You may not exceed 2gigs a month NOW, but 2 phones down the line you may. Which leads me to my last point:

Most users are oblivious of their data usage: Can anyone quantify the txt equivalent of 20 bytes of data?.......... The Final Jeopardy answer, "how are you?" I know this bc I had extensive conversations when trying to figure out an international data plan. Images and attached files are easy bc they tell you the file size but how much data is a 2 minute streaming video, Facebook page or even this blog? Plus these newer phones can do more like view flash, allowing you to watch hulu or netflix on your phone.

Sidenote: wifi and netflix kills my laptop battery life what pillage and desecration will it do to my poor wee lil cell phone battery?

Rumor has it that other carriers are looking to follow suite with the tiered data pricing. If history repeats itself, they may eventually bring back the unlimited plans as data/network supply catches up to consumption demands.....but what if we don't. Do we as consumers need to usher into a new era of limits, restriction, become more cognizant (thanks lady in red) and responsible and considerate about our data ussage?.............................................................MAAAAAAAAAAN, [UGHFFF] DAT!!! As much as we're over charged?!! Shooooot, I'll take a picture of my hand giving a middle finger, attach a voicenote of me singing "lalala," type "how are you" 100 times, and bbm that bitch to Mars if I damn well please!



Sent via The RrChitect by Some provider I refuse to advertise for.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 7

Previously in My $0.02...................
Theory 1
Theory 2
Theory 3
Theory 4

Theory 5

Theory 6

Folks! We've unraveled 7 paramount contributors to the dilapidation of our children's learning skills. I seriously should consider PhD'ing this Nobel caliber research. I think we've laid down some substantial groundwork. I taught and worked with high school students for 8 yrs and over that span of time, there was a noticeable decline in attention span, learning skill sets, reading comprehension, math computation and even basic communication just grasping basic English. We've known that public schools are trash for years, the antiquated public school pedagogy is not working, etc, etc, but in my experience the factors outside of the classroom are of greater significance than what you learn in school. We know that guidance counselors (MOST: there are some good to great ones) are trash. I had a recent convo with a high school classmate about how our guidance counselor traumatized most of our classmates (Bernard Chorney, Canarsie High School mid-90's). Some ppl went off away to terrible schools they knew nothing about. He never helped anyone prepare for college, yet a classmate of mine saw him dropping his son off at a KAPLAN test prep center. But this is about as new as police brutality (perhaps we need to make an equivalent Rodney King tape for guidance counselors....hmmmmm).
Sidenote: At one point he told me to if my grades don't reach a certain point, give up on college and look into the armed forces. Coincidentally that was the last time I visited his office, sought out my own guidance, and got accepted to 9 out of the 13 schools I applied to, Eventually going to The Cooper Union. HOLD THAT!! It frightens me to think how many ppl he might have suggested that to and scarier, who actually took him up on it.
YET STILL!! We had terrible schools and terrible guidance counselors for ages, which is why I beg the question, what is so different TODAY? What is different about these times than when my peers and I were growing up? Why does today's youth squander under the same conditions where we flourished? You know how hard it is dodging 5 gangs on your way home and still staying on the honor roll? So without further adieu, lets unveil......

Theory #7: No Toys in Cereal

I adamantly believe that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I can not eat an entire day as long as I have my breakfast and I never miss it. Typically I'll have oatmeal or cereal (i rotate btwn several brands that are high in oats, grain, fiber and bran with the occasional super sugary-corned-puffed-fatkid-goodness), but when I have the time I'll make more elaborate dishes, some turkey bacon, bawla-ass omelets, a grit, some fruit, etc. However, one morning this week I had THE best breakfast I've had in years. Its the same box/type of cereal I've been eating on and off for weeks, but this morning, something fell out of the box!
Sidenote: I haven't seen a toy in the actual cereal box in about 10 yrs that didn't require x # of proofs of purchase plus shipping and handling, so my heart kinda dropped for a second as a relatively large foreign object (larger than a loop) fell out of my cereal box onto my bowl. I thought we had "visitors" and "stowaways" for a second.
Now I'm a grown ass dude, I don't play with toys, but I who would not be hella elated upon sight of a free toy? Now imagine what would that do to a child? Its a good thing I spent most of that day by myself. I would have been the most annoying roommate, mate or friend for the day. I spent the rest of the morning and afternoon playing target practice. Granted, there are more spectacular toys than a rubber FIONA water squirter from the new SHREK movie, but I would have been filling it up and blasting everyone in my path with my brand new water shooter toy thingy. When was the last time a box of cereal has brought so much joy and happiness? What happened to all the little surprises and treats life had to offer?

Children today undoubtedly have a world of new stresses that we didn't have to worry about growing up, but unfortunately have a fraction of the joy and joyness that we had as well. Everyone has a rage meter, that fills up just a bit commensurate to the amount of stress, irritation, struggle and trials in your world, and periodically we need to release and drain these tanks or we'll burst. Stress is like your expenses and joy is like your revenue/income and far too many kids are stressing out of their means of joyness and snowballing closer and closer to bankruptcy. Lets bring back the joy and joyness, bc few things in life were more exciting, than a free toy!

ADDENDA!! UPDATE!! THIS JUST IN!! I GOT ANOTHER ONE! DONKEY!!! WATCH ME GO FIGHT CRIME OR DO SOMETHING OF EQUAL OR GREATER EPICNESS NOW!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!

Favorite Song In The World....Right Now : Zan - Backbone



I have no idea why this wasn't or hasn't become a big jam. I love this chune! I found this by accident. I have a blackhole of soca songs and I tend to play my music on shuffle. This came up the other day as I was speeding along Long Island [SHHHHHHHHHH!!] and I jammed to it from West Hempstead to Brooklyn.

Jam with me :)

"Yes Virginia, There ARE Stupid Questions!!"

Despite popular misconception, I'm here today to dispel this rumor: "there is no such thing as a stupid question."

I call BULLSCHLAGGA!!

Let the record show and forevermore reflect, this:
Stupid question: A stupid question is one where the answer is obvious.

I had a professor give the most uber articulate, linguistic ninjitsu of a lecture, but my entire class including his teaching assistant all knew his pedagogy and realized this lecture was pure, utter bullshit! However, in the audience of esteemed professionals and academics, not one person had a single question about this confusing oratory.................bc no one wanted to look stupid (I heard several attendees confess this to one another upon exiting the auditorium).

We live in a deceptively polite, amiable society that feels the need to pacify everyone, therefore we perpetrate a farce. We may not understand certain areas bc each of us has our own unique past, education, work and life experience, so the conversation may not necessarily be above your head, just parallel. Ppltend to speak in esoteric language that's common to one audience, but alien to you and I. We don't want to ask questions bc we don't want to feel or look stupid.....however, by doing so and willingly remaining ignorant, we make ourselves stupid on the subject matter.

So in case you're wondering what's the genesis of this sedulous diatribe, here's my most leastest favorite stupid question which was asked of me recently.
You: I can't find my (insert lost item)
Stupid question asker: Do you know/remember where you put it?
FARTBOX!! If I knew where I put it, it wouldn't exactly be lost, now would it!? (Funny thing, she'll never know I called her that. Like I said most of the ppl closest to me never read my blog). Am I the only one who wishes everything they own had a phone number, so you could just call it whenever you can't find it and follow the ringing or vibration? Here's a more intelligent question: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU RECALL USING IT (I helped a friend find her bank card with this)? I wish ppl would just take a second to think first instead of listen, talk, hear, think (it's amazin how many ppl process operate in that exact order). Funny enough, if you stop, breathe and think, you can quench your inescapable desire to help in less bafoonic ways.
Sidenote: Here's how you can tell if you operate like that so you can prevent this and become a better listener. When talking to someone, do you pause after they speak and take time to digest or are you talking as soon as they stop, sometimes before? Are you actually listening when others speak or are you already formulating your retort?

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Half Time Report

June is the 6th month of 12, so lets take a collective half time report of our year. Are we on track with our goals? If we were coaches, of our teams, in the locker room, would we be praising and pushing on or would we be screaming like Al Pachino right about now? Bloglistically speaking, at this point, I have exactly as many blog posts at the halfway point of the year, than I did in all of 2009. And with all the unfinished peaces that are in draft mode to be finished, by the end of the month or July, I'll surpass the last 3 yrs of posts. This snowball momentum is all thanks to all of you. Aside from the 33 [that apparently know how to follow directions :/ -------->] I have a few dozen phantom fans and ghosts followers. Thank you guys, for your side comments [just wish you would leave em on the actual blog page, is all.....please?]. They seriously blow the wind into my sails [PAUSE!!] and keep me moving when I don't feel like writing.

Ask these questions about your health, family, profession, finance, leisure, romance, travel, academics or whatever areas of life are important to you. I am soaring in certain areas but have done a complete 180 or 360 in others. Blogging is not the end all be all, but you guys should know my allergies to TMIatry by now. How does your halftime report look? What do Marv Albert, John Sally and Charles Barkley have to say about you?

Here's the most exciting part [YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY - GOOD NEWS!!] there still a full second half of game left to play [YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY - PLAY!!] Always set aside some time to reflect..............and SIGN UP AS A FOLLOWER dagnabbit! Help the movement! :D

Monday, June 7, 2010

Whats Your Skeleton/Achilles Heal?

What are you ashamed of and would like to improve. Ppl get so pissed when slim or seemingly skinny ppl say they need to get in shape,work out or loose weight. I have a very slim friend of mine who recently said she needs to start working out again (and referenced my "Staying Motivated In The Gym" series). My first thought was "why," but after a second of thinking, I said "GO FOR IT!" She may look good........clothed, but I don't know what she looks like nekked. I don't know what she sees as her Achilles Heal that she needs to tackle and conquer. I applaud ppl wh0 practice self criticality.
Sidenote: In my experience, skinny ppl tend to be out of shape ppl too. If you're naturally slim and don't need to workout, and are not in the habit of doing so, good luck going running or going up those flights of stairs.
Some ppl have the skeletons hanging on the front porch and could care less, so whats wrong with identifying an area (I'm trying not to say flaw) you wish to improve, that you may not be too proud of? Why is it ppl sit on their skeletons day in, day out and do nothing about it? The true strength in the serenity prayer is "the wisdom to know the difference," so if you feel the need to do something different or improve on something, respect your discernment and ignore the haters and nay-sayers.

To paraphrase and truncate a story I once heard:
One day, while walking passed his neighbors house, a man noticed that everyday his neighbor's dog is laying in one spot and whining miserably. When he asked why, the man on the porch explained that his dog was sitting on a nail and bleeding.

Why doesn't the dog just move?

Because it isn't hurting bad enough.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Why Do Stereotypes Offend Us?

I've lived with and worked with many men of many races, religions and cultural backgrounds. Most notably in college, 4 guys + moi in a duplex apartment, which I called my, "Real World Apartment" bc it was the most diverse set of personalities I've ever had under one roof. Aside from a few conflicts of ideology on tidiness, we all got along very well, but we were THE most stereotypical band of ppl ever assembled since the power rangers. More stereotypical than GI JOE.

Roll Call:

DOWNSTAIRS
The Irish Guy - Who drank every night...and most days.
The Chinese/Asian Guy - AKA Guy Downstairs, AKA The Man under the stairs. He never left his room. The only time we saw him was through an opening over the wall/partition as you're walking up the stairs. Whenever everyone else is hanging out in the living room, we'd hear random punchlines and funny snaps coming from under the stairs. LOVE EM! BTW, he watched anime and played videogames all day long. I'm convinced he installed a bathroom on his pc. We all went to the same school, 3 art students, 1 architect and one engineer. Take a wild guess what major he was? Ok, you'd accuse me of exaggerating if I said he was good at math too, huh?
Sidenote: I don't know if he had a car bc we lived in Tribeca, but I'd bet money it was a regular or souped up Honda civic.
Upstairs
Black Guy #1
- Southern Black American from "Bawlmormyrrrlin", who fried EVERYTHING and ate fried chicken almost every day.
Sidenote: Translation: Baltimore, Maryland. Here's some ignorant, obnoxious New Yorker insight okay. To us.........EVERYTHING south of Newark, is SOUTHERN.
The Jewish Guy - Who was notoriously meticulous with money, penny pincher and really cheap. He handled all the bills so we'd all pay him. Most distinctly, I vividly recall an incident where he haggled black guy #1 bc he was 3 cents short on the phone bill. I literally picked up 3 cents off of the carpet (see previous comment about ideology on tidiness) and handed it to him, but he refused it and demanded #1 pay him.
Which leads us to....last but definitely not stereotypical least.....
Black Guy #2 (Gee I wonder who) - Brooklyn born Caribbean (or as one of my friends former racist Korean landlord would say "SAME KINDA BLACK!") who rapped, breakdanced, danced all the time, burned incense, blasted rap, reggae and soca music the few times he was actually home and had cornrows or a massive afro............from the hoooooooooood!!!! OH! And who also was the loud angry short-tempered member of the group.

Not to say that we represent the archetype of our respective cultures, but I could sit here and list a few dozen other cases. So over the years I've come to the conclusion that most stereotypes that we say about each other.............ARE TRUE! Not for everyone, but many are rooted in truths for large majorities of the population. If that's the case, why do we get so offended by them? Kumbaya little Timmy, that is a great question. I think I have an answer for you (where would we be without good old Timmy? He asks more questions than the rest of you). Quite simply, human beings don't take critique well from strangers. Forget critique, we're not a fan of any commentary period. No matter how true or un-true it may be. I've actually heard a female compliment my friend's outfit and she said to me "I don't need this bitch's opinion." It's the same concept of you calling your pal stupid, a slut, bitch, Laker fan, and then you turn around and get offended when a complete stranger says the same thing. That's one reason why I don't like the n-word and I think it lurks one of the greatest hypocrisy of my people. If you want to use the word all day and night, don't get mad at anyone outside of the race for using it.

After confronting all these racists online and in videogame online, I've learned to tune out the outsiders bc at the end of the day their opinions really don't matter. Why award a total stranger the power and privilege of ruining your day with their words?

Sticks and stones folks. Sticks and stones.