Wednesday, February 18, 2009



p.s.............I hope I find her



See you guys in a week!!!!

Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 2

The second installment in our investigatory series dedicated to solving the quagmire [GIGGIDY!!] of our time.

Previously in My $0.02................... Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 1

Sidenote: You know your a dweeb when something happens and your first thought is "I can't wait to get on my pc and write a blog about this....". And your an uber dweeb if you type it up in the memo application on your bb or phone, email it, proof in on your pc an post when you get home or to a computer

Another sidenote: how the hell do you start a conversation with a sidenote?
Shout out to Karen Phillips for mentioning about this one. You accelerated it on my list, however, the bus ride I got off of made me think of it too. There were 3 "youts" on a bus (boy-approx 15-17, girl-approx 11-13, boy-approx 8-10) all talking about who fights more and comparing who's knuckles were more bruised n darkened.
Sidenote: I wanted interject and correct the eldest young man on his form. You should never land a punch with last two knuckles of your fist (as they are merely attached by cartilage) but instead you must aim to connect with your first two, pointer and middle fingers (since these are actually securely anchored into your forearm) to inflict maximum damage and minimize risk of self injury........ Then I caught myself and agreed that that would be more so fueling the flames of ignorance than imparting knowledge so I decided to hold my tongue and let it be.

another side note: this is my new format for "sidenotes". I figured typographically it works. What do you think?
Granted every generation has its knuckle heads, numbskull's, and plain addle brained idiots, but why are these kids not home at 9pm (granted this was on Presidents day but still)? Which leads me to theory # 2

Theory 2: No quality after school programs.

When I was young, you couldn't PAY me to hang out after school. Matter of fact, I didn't even realize ppl actually did that until about 6th or 7th grade. I had no time to get into trouble, I had to race home to catch my cartoons, NO QUESTION! My roster varied from years to years. Examples:

3pm - G.I. Joe (if you wanna know how much I heart that show check this out).
3:30pm - Transformers. Extra-terrestrial bi-pedal cybernetic organisms, or rather autonomous robots (Auto+bots) that transformed into vehicles, cities and any other inanimate object in order to disguise and blend into our environment - GREATEST FRICKEN CARTOON CONCEPT....EVER!!! Worthy of its own blog...hmmm......
Sidenote: Watch any old Transformer or G.I. Joe episode now as an adult and you'll see why my generation and I always had a monster vocabulary.
But I digress......

4:00pm Video Music Box - another staple in NYC growing-up-ness. For those of us who didn't have cable and waaaaaaay before run dmc, waaaay before "Yo MTV Raps", The Source and eons before the God-awful atrocious atrocity we know as BET, VMB held us down. VJ Ralph McDaniels kept us up to date with the latest rap videos, dances, politics and fashion trends.

Then there were other generations. Not quite the golden era, but you have to give props to Disney afternoon for holding a strong arm on after school action (Darkwing Duck, Gargoyles, Rescue Rangers, Ducktales, Gizmo Duck, Gummy Bears etc), the WB era of Tiny Toons and Animaniacs (another contender for my favorite all timer), Toonami and too many others to name.

And let's not forget the many valuable after school specials specifically designed to teach yo kids while you make your way home, prepare dinner and do all your parenting duties. Lessons like:
  • "You see little Timmy, there are good touches, and then there are bad touches..."
  • "Jus bc all your friends are smoking glass pipes doesn't mean you should too..."
  • "......and that's what to do if your teacher touches you little Jane..."
  • "Now that we've learned our lesson, what are we gunna do next time we find a gun in mommy and daddy's room?"
  • "Unless they're a doctor, you should not let anyone stick you with needles..."

Every single child program was designed to deliver a key valuable life lesson. You'd swear a panel of psychiatrists were on the team of writers. I believe Ren n Stimpy was the beginning of the end (coincidentally around the time I stopped going home for cartoons, started hanging out and got caught up in various nefarious urban stereotypical activities before turning my life around), inspiring an armada of badly drawn, poorly animated thick outlined cartoons with pointless plots and stupid brain cell killing characters. American animation went from being nominated for an Oscar for best film (Beauty n the Beast) to Beavis and Butthead and we've been spiraling downhill ever since. I don't care how tough you are, every human being I've ever met cried or at least teared a little when they first saw Lion King (however in a bit of irony, I laughed during a similar scene in Bambi) and if you didn't, then....then....your just evil! And a meanie! And you should die...okay too much. A meteoric fall of elephantine proportions.

What ever happened to the "Moral of the Story??" What do our kids learn from Pokemon and Yugi-Oh (promiscuity?...."gotta catchem all?" good?.....too much?)? And for the life of me, why the EFF is Power Rangers still on the air?!! What's the incentive to even go home after school now? Where's the all-star line that has kids running home after school or has network television fallen prey to the avalanche of Judge "So n So," Judge Pookie and Judge Ray Ray 'nem?

Sidenote: Dora the explorer is THE SHIIIITTTT!!!!! Wonderpets are THE SHIIIITTTT!!!!! I never knew the hype about Dora, but I recently caught a few episodes..........hoooolyyy learning tools Batman! I love that show. When I have kids, they're watching nothing but Dora. Spongebob however,.......... I know grown women who love Spongey but I'm sorry. The only thing you can learn from that tomfoolery is be dumb, how do be dumber and new dumb shit to say. And you wonder why your littl'ins can't read at their level worth a shyeght!.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Diary of a Mad Pack Rat: Part 2...the flashbacks

Previously, in Diary of a Mad Pack Rat

After admitting to be a pack rat....albeit a recovering one....................

My rules for donating/letting go of clothes:

I don't care how much I loved it in high school or college or whatever, If I haven't worn it in 2 yrs i prolly wont. There are tons of ppl who will prolly want or need it more than I do.
If I know that this is not my style anymore, I don't wear it.
I'm not Kriss Kross or MC Hammer. Funny thing is, I've gotten bigger as I aged, yet my clothes from 4-6 years ago are too big for me?? And in another ironic note of jest, all the clothes I didn't like bc they were "too small," now fit just fine? What was it with the 90's and RIDICulously baggy clothing?!!!! No more rolling the pant leg or rolling up the sleeves, I'm grown, I know my sizes, my clothes are fitted.
How many of the same color do I need? (And I know somewhere out there there's a female who will argue tooth and nail on each point and somehow make an argument that seems to make sense).

Childhood memory junk flashbacks - The stuff that's hard to let go:

Lunch tickets. If you went to NYC public schools and either your household income was in a certain range.....or you forged one....or only claimed a certain amount, you know that you're lifeline of sustenance was the cafeteria lunch ticket. You used it to get that free lunch which everyone thought they were too cool to eat, but EFF YOU, bc that free lunch was DELICIOUS!! OR, on days when your paper was low, you'd hustle those tickets for some pocket money for other more important things (jansport strings, comic books, the candy shop or "cake line".........that ironically never sold cake). The benefit is then you had money to buy a milk and one of those 3-pack of cookies that for the life of me I can't recall the name (forget butter crunch and oatmeal, my favorite was always chocolate chip and peanut butter cookies). SIGH!!
JANSPORT STRINGS!! I had to mention this for kicks and giggles, but no way in hell I could bring myself to throw these out. I don't know about other cities, but in Brooklyn, early 90's, there were no bigger trend than the lanyard strings ppl tied onto the Jansport backpack zippers. It was so hot, I steered clear of it for the first 3 years until I was old enough and had enough clientele to wear them safely. For these ridiculous strings, ppl got robbed, chased, beat down, sliced, stabbed, shot and in few extreme circumstances killed. Don't believe me, just ask someone who grew up in BK early 90's. I had to fight, run and do a host of other things to collect and keep my strings (including burn the knots and tips so ppl couldn't untie and steal em off your back in crowded places). I decided to keep em. They're like battle scars and ribbons. Not quite ready to part with em just yet.

Here's where I'm stumped:
Currently, I have a draw full of stuff that isn't mine, so next time my brother comes to visit I have a box worth of "gifts" for him. In a previous blog I discussed the glory of antiquated technologies and it rolled over so long i revisited it again. The biggest hurdle now are the remaining boxes and bags of:
VHS TAPES (EVEN 3 betamats)
ZIP DRIVES!! - that one made me laugh.

A massive cleanup is like a trip in a time machine. So far, the box of VHS tapes was used temporarily as a christmas tree stand, and now makes for a good plant stand. Any other suggestions for my outdated medias? For now, they hide and cower under my bed. Out of site and out of mind.

Diary of a Mad Pack Rat

I am an admitted pack rat, and I am okay with it. According to Brian Tracy, ppl who are pack rats usually result from poor/wanting childhoods, which psychologically speaking makes SOME sense. I been traumatized by my parents throwing away most of my favorite toys, comics, drawings etc..... coincidentally all the things I've built my lifestyle and career off of, THANKS MOM N DAD!!!! (I'M NOT BITTERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!) My philosophy has always been, "I'd rather have it and not need it, than need it and not have it" which is why I believe about 9 out of 10 guys walk around with condoms........that and one of the most painful experiences in life is turning down "the occasion" bc you are ill prepared (side note: be weary of anyone in that situation who willingly wants to proceed, but that's another conversation).

I therapeutically purged (can't exactly call what I did "cleaning") my room and over the course of a few months, culminating in the last weeks of 08. I threw away well over 3 full sized garbage bags, donated 4 bags of old clothes and more on a more impressive note, recycled SEVEN FRICKEN LARGE SIZED CLEAR PLASTIC BAGS OF PAPER!!! What the hell? Was I secretly running a printing press/accounting firm in my sleep?!!!

I was deterred many a time bc I feared that I "needed" these things. What I finally had the strength and courage to realize is, I don't NEED these "things" what I needed was some BLASTED SPACE!!

Here's how it went down:

First of all, a paper shredder is a God-send. Everyone should own one. It's just divine. Make it a part of your routine. That being said, amongst the POUNDS of paper I shredded, here's just SOME of what I found:

Receipts - THROW THEM OUT!! And if you fear being audited throw out anything over 3 yrs.
Movie stubs - Can you believe I had every (99.99999999%) movie for every movie I seen since 1996!!!? Including, Godzilla - the atrocious remake, Titanic - made me laugh as much when I saw it as I did in the theater back in '98.
Pay stubs - I had pay stubs from 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005...............2004? 2002? 2000?? 99?? 98??!! 95!!?!?!
Notes and documents from old jobs
Semester syllabus', welcome letters and other bs mail from college
And the biggest one of all - JUNK MAIL!! Credit card offers out the wahzooooooo

Next Chapter, I'll discuss some hilarious flashbacks and how I managed to cope with parting from my past.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 1


I can easily see myself as a future Bill Cosby, giving key note addresses at graduations in a sweat suit and slippers and cursing out the young generation.

I've been pondering this question for a number of reasons. First of which, if you're not up on "JUSTUS" comic, you really need to check out last weeks comic "recreatioNULL"

So other than having every means of access at their disposal, we have an alarming increase in the rate of high school drop out, late graduations, and students reading below grade level. So I began looking at our society and amongst many reasons, here is a major one.

Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 1: NO G.I. JOE

I would love to give my parents ALL the credit for my fairly stellar upbringing, but they didn't get home till about 4-5pm. So alongside a host of wonderful cartoons, too many to name, the most influential was G.I. Joe. Let's ignore the latent pro-army/patriot, anti-terrorist, good vs. evil dialectics, the gratuitous fascination with guns (every man born btwn 1970-1989 can accurately mimic any gun noise with their mouth and easily identify a tech-9, mac-10, m-4, m-16, desert eagle, colt .45, glock .45, 9mm, .38, .22, Beretta, calico, ak-47, Uzi, or German name a few.....or just anyone who grew up in "Reaganomics" Brooklyn). Let's ignore the fact that it was the most racist show in the history of TV (like I'm the only one who notices all the black ppl rapped or barbecued, and the one Chinese guy was bare-footed and while everyone had guns he carried throwing stars).

G.I. Joe did something that saved the lives of so many other children..........PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!! We live under the guise that "Common sense" is "COMMON." ITS NOT!! Look at just some of the valuable lessons GI JOE taught us:

  • Don't swim in a lake during a thunderstorm
  • Don't touch downed electrical lines
  • Don't accept offers or talk to strangers
  • How to stop a nose bleed
  • How to swim and not drown
  • Don't touch stray animals and not to run away if a dog approaches you, walk away slowly.
  • What to do if your clothes catch on fire
  • What to do if your house catches on fire
  • Don't stereotype and prejudge ppl
  • Don't hide in things that can potentially suffocate you (saved my life many a game of hide n seek)
  • And 15 others!!!!!!
I watched the GI JOE movie on dvd the other day and as an added feature it includes ALL ORIGINAL 25 PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS. OMG!!! I last night realized I quite possibly learned more from GI JOE than from any other one source in my life!!!!

At a latter time I will delve into the seemingly disturbing question as to why a Joe was always in a 2 minute radius of these children when something went wrong. I found it quite alarming that Wetsuit emerged from a lake as soon as the kids are about to get into trouble. Does he spend his free time observing kids swim from the bottom of lakes? Idunno. Damn pre-megan's law ass stalkers!!

"Thanks R! And now we know. "
"And knowing is half the battle!"


Monday, February 2, 2009

Bloggers Block

Of all my handicaps, I must say one is inconsistency. I tend to fluctuate amongst so many things that something always gets procrastinated. I'm probably one of history's greatest procrastinators. I say this bc I've mastered to art of productive procrastination. Here's how. When I do something, I go hard [giggity] so much so that it perpetuates for a long time. The residual affect is I appear productive even when I'm not working. I learn this from exercise (here he go again). People always tell me they need to burn calories, they need to burn you dont. You need to build muscle. Why? Not only does it speed up your metabolism (which is really what you want to do or else all the fat you lose will come right back) muscle burns fat EVEN when you're not doing anything. Not to mention the exercises to build muscle burns fat ANYWAY, but that's another conversation.

note to self....future blog..."the art of procrastination."

The irony I find is that I got so many complaints about my blogs being too long, then I get even more complaints about not blogging enough. Hence, do what you want to do in life bc either way you'll piss off and please ppl, so you may as well do what makes you happy.

So why the hiatus? I'm a travel whore. In the last 30 days I been to Jersey, Stonybrook Long Island, Boston, Toronto and Cybertron (shout outs to Transformers fans), and I'll be outtatown every weekend this month culminated in Trinidad Carnival.......... CYAN WAIT!!!!!!!

Needless to fear, I've been blogging via my notes application on my crackberry so soon as I transfer them I'll copy and post them, so expect like 3-8 blogs to be posted all at once.