1 - Choice.
As "the Architect" from the Matrix movies (no relation, I actually am an architect and RRC are my actual initials.........wow the assonance on that one..say that sentence outloud) appropriately stated: "the problem is choice." Many women have a harem of men at their will and bend, but CHOOSE not to embrace any of them. Partially bc of the other person (many specific reasons we will eventually get to), but also bc they aren't ready for the slow down and obligations that come with a relationship. Don't believe the hype, women have commitment issues too especially a busy woman with a lot going on in her life. It's a huge change to suddenly be accountable to and considerate of another person and lets be honest, women have issues with that just as men do. The reason I needed to start here was to make sure that we're clear, when we're crying and complaining, that many ppl are here, primarily by choice.
14 – You bottlenecked yourself by statistics.
If we haven't heard it eleventy-seventy times. What are the most common ones?
-Black women outnumber black men 12-1
-50% of marriages end in divorce
-The number of black women unmarried over 30 is double that of white women
But there are a few significant "soundbytes" that narrow the playing field that I'd like to touch on:
"% of men without a High School/ College diploma." I can understand why, but lets play devil's advocate here: Are you a university? Does this mean that there is no hope for redemption because I dropped out of high school or had responsibilities and financially couldn't go to college? Why are we wasting our time talking about careers and college!!? If we start going to middle and high schools right now and tell them no one will wanna date, marry or have sex with you without your diploma, we would have 90-99% graduation rates. I'll get started on the proposal. Shoot, Chris Rock dropped out of high school, imagine if his wife had that attitude about his millionare ass?
"% of men who have been incarcerated." DA: If you're job is an equal opportunity employer, why aren't you? Similar point, does that discqualify any one whose been encarcerated? There are ppl who change not to mention that many ppl are in prison or jail for non-violent offenses or have no prior criminal history. Martha Stewart and Michael Vick have jail records.
"% of men who are gay." Well there are gay women as well, so rest assure, the competition is thinning out too. Speaking of competition, there are factors that limit the types of women men look for also, so you don't neccessarily have to worry about the other 11 females. Just focus on the one.
"% of single men who already have children." DA: As with everything else, you're eliminating a lot of high quality potential before you've even gotten into physical or personality attributes. The older, you get, the more prevalent this becomes so at some point you have to decide are you going to let a good man go bc he has a child? Hopefully not too late, which spring boards to our last point of the day:
18 – Tunnel Vision: You woke up too late
There's a chapter in the book "He's just not into you" titled "Don't waste the pretty" and unfortunately I think many misinterpretted that and inadvertedly, wasted the pretty. Everyone has their "list" of things they are looking for in a mate. The main reason why you find attractive single people is because of their standards. There are the four leaf clover who are so pretty and humble but no one approaches them, but thats not the normative scenario. Now nothing is wrong with standards, but as you get older, you start to realize that a lot of your standards are superficial. Especially the specific ones. "He has to be 6'-4" and above....Are you a ride? What sport do you coach or do you anticipate storing things in high cubbards? Not only are your pre-requisites limiting, you've now illiminated more than half of your acceptable pool. My lil sis used to specify 6"-4"+ with slim athletic build, until one day I challenged her to keep a log of how many of those she actually saw per day for a week. But when you had "the pretty" on your side, your body was where some of you are trying to get back to now, you had the discretionary power to pick and choose as you saw fit. So you dated a little here, dismissed a little here, yada yada yada... Maybe it wasn't preference, but you told yourself you had to focus on your school/career/life and wrote someone off (that you could have made time for if you decided to) before they even had a chance.
Here's something to ponder when you're alone asking yourself "why?" Whether it was height, education, income, hair, complexion, whatever, how many wonderful men slipped right through your reach bc you didn't know how to spot them out?
A good man is like a stealth bomber. The irony of the stealth bomber is that it's the farthest thing from discrete. It's a loud, huge, BLACK aircraft...very discrete in the day time. However, most radar systems are completely blind to it. If you were in a tower, and used your eyes, you'd spot it a mile away, but alas, you were looking into the lens of the wrong device. Great, now you've been tactically nuked. NICE!!!
To be continued....