Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 3

Previously in My $0.02................... Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 1

Followed by................................Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 2

And at long last, the third installment in the controversial series dedicated to solving the quagmire of our time.

Theory #3: Lazy ass moms!
[From the Blackberry Chronicles]

Yeah imma get some flack for it but its my $0.02, aint it?
Disclaimer.....or ill-conceived attempt to cushion my behind from all the stilettos currently aimed at I know being a mother is arguably the hardest task on earth, second to being a single mother (technically I don't, and I understand my perspective emanates from hearsay, anecdotal data and census before you come at me with that "you will never know" nonsense - save that for a talk show). I have many dear friends who happen to be mothers, mostly single (aint that what they all say? "I can't be racist, I have tons black and Hispanic friends"...not exactly helping my case now am I?) and I've witness the trials, struggles and innovations that a mother has to come up with to raise a child and still maintain some quality of living. I'm not talking about those who give their all and fall short or who don't have all the resources and support they need.
[Now that we got that out the way...]
At the end of the day, some things I see are just flat out lazy and hilariously foolish, IMO of course.

The Baby Backpack
This is the one that triggered this brain fart. I can support the frontal kangaroo sack, not 100, but I can at least think about it for 2 seconds and find some amicable justifications
(despite depriving you of a simple excellent workout and the subsequent "mommy arms").

I mean, this is a new era, day and age and this generations moms have waaay more to worry about than baby boomers and even generation x'ers. Reports of mommy's dropping babies for more important tasks rose to alarming heights so something had to be done. Today's mommy needs her hands free for a myriad of critical operations of vital consequence. Three for instance:

-the number one reason: momma gotta pick up her cellphone. Blue tooth don't send text messages and operate her camera phone, blackberry messenger (you can't PING!!! someone with a headset, don't be ridiculous!) or switch tracks...which is a good segway to the next one
-mother has to operate her mp3 player. We love the kids, but heaven forbid you get btwn a woman and her Souljah Boy!
-Momma gotta swipe her transit card. She gotta pay her fare somehow. Are you volunteering to drive her everywhere?

But my biggest justification with the kangaroo sack is....AT LEAST YOUR BABY IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!! Who on mother earth thought it was a good idea to carry your child on your back -literally- needs to be thrown out in the street and shot. Unless they start equipping those with surveillance cameras or some system of rear view mirrors, anything happen to your baby you're the last to know. If I can be extreme for a second, a sniper can take out your baby and you'd walk a good block or two before you found out. We need a recall on this idiocity!
Sidenote: [Commence venting] I wish ppl would watch where they were going while walking down the street. I'm typing a blog damnit! What's your excuse? [Conclude venting]

Sidernote: "Idiocity" was intentional. Its been a long hobby of mine fuse words, language and tenses together (since I have little respect for the english language, but thats a nother conversations... and "a" and "nother" were intentionally spaced) to form hyper-zoanoid hybrid words. "Irranoid" is my favorite of recent times. I needed to invent a word to express my heightened level of.....irranoiance at the time...............and apparently spell check has no problem with that!

The Leash

Kat Williams affectionately coined the most appropriate name for this: "material for black ppl to laugh at." If you can't keep your child at arms distance, there's a deeper rooted discipline issue you're not addressing. Perhaps this was invented so mothers can check their txt messages, switch Souljah Boy tracks and not lose sight of little jimmy. I'm a jerk, I know right? What's my problem? There is something fundamentally and ideologically wrong with the times where people put clothes on dogs, pets in strollers and LEASHES on children.

The SUV Stroller......that you CAN'T manage

I know that your ecstatic that you got someone to get one of the top 5 most expensive items on your registry. You all have seen it, the stroller/crib/rocking chair/high chair/car seat/ computer desk/hdtv entertainment stand/ minibar/smoothie maker/subway space consumer with the retractable sunroof top, that you can't carry up a flight of stairs by yourself. Understand something: its not meant to be an all purpose, all terrain, surface-to-air missile stroller. In tight, crowded, congested places, please have the courtesy to carry one of those fold up strollers that are designed for mobility. I know jr. loves his Batmobile stroller with the front porch, plasma tv, dvd collection and jungle gym, but let's think feasibility.

Last but seriously not least (most of you know I prefer to commence or conclude on the most paramount)

In case your thinking: "Gee RrChitect! Aw hamburgers, that's a pretty subjective statement. How can you say what and when is too big for a stroller?" I say, good question little Timmy, I'm glad you asked. Here are some clues:
-if his/her legs are dragging on the floor
-if the child has to put in considerable effort or work to stay in or balance is an issue
-if he has facial hair
-if they have a cellphone
-if they can operate YOUR cellphone
-if they have an mp3 player and can sing Souljah Boy verbatim
-if they can operate a nintendo ds or psp
-if your arms and legs start to burn after a few feet
-if they can pick up and carry the stroller like or better than you can
-if they're the one helping you carry the stroller up the stairs


And then you wonder why their monkey ass don't wanna read, study or go to class.......and their asses surrrrrrre are monkey.

: note to self - remember to write blog on why I feel Souljah Boy is the truth.
Sent via Raphael  "I am Raphael Charles and I approve this message"

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

People who need to stay the hell away from Black Friday

It's this time again. To some ppl, black friday is the only day they shop. It's the day Jesus and Moses tag teams in a match against departments stores nationwide. You've cleared space on your card all year for this one day. You've watched a 13" black and white tube TV with bunny ears all year waiting for this. I first heard of Black Friday around 2005. My lady at the time raved about this and even left our bed at 1, or 2am to go camp with some friends.........awaiting the stores 5am opening. When invited, I said "I'm good."
Sidenote: At first I thought, "what kinda racist sh.." but then I remembered, finance is one institution when "black" has always been a good thing. [MESSAGE!!!]
The following year I participated, regrettably, for the first and probably last time. Despite the range of age and background, the feverish fervor felt like I was amidst adolescent girls on line for free Jonas Brothers tickets. Some people really need to get priorities in order. The same ppl I hear complaining about money all the time are always the first to bring up black friday.
I couldn't help think, "why in tarnations am I in this debauchery?" I wish someone had better advised me with such a list:
Sidenote: These are merely suggestions and friendly recommendations with some well intentional humor. Adults will do, what adults will do.
People who need to stay the hell away from Black Friday
-People who hate cold weather (warm states need not apply)
-People who hate lines and crowds
-People with short tempers and tendencies of aggravated assault.
-People who have not played high school, college, and or professional football. You will get "pushed," real talk.
-Fathers who haven't seen their children in over a month and are behind in child support
-People who are unemployed and do not know where your next check is coming from
-People who's credit score dropped this year
-People who will not receive any return or investment on their purchases
.....which applies to most ppl
-People who are past due or over drafted in other accounts, bills and credit cards

-People who have more collective debt than the amount they have set aside to spend on Black Friday
-People who owe other ppl money. Forget the banks, where's my money? I'm not FDIC insured! (seriously, I know ppl who owe me money and are buying new shit and travelling the world. WTF!!?)
-People who use the excuse "I'm saving on my christmas gifts" yet everything you buy is for yourself. Kinda like the stripper with the corvette who claims they dance to get through college......

And most importantly, ppl who don't intend to pay in cash or have anything higher than a 0.00% apr.

I joke a lot, but I know ppl who seriously dig themselves into serious financial holes off of this one day. Yes, this one day puts many companies in the black, but it puts many PEOPLE in the red. And you wonder why everyone's new years resolution is to do better with money. Depending on what your apr is, the interest of buying in bulk may offset whatever it is you saved.

One thing I've learned about technology is that something better always comes and the prices only go down. Buying good electronics requires the attention and patients of fishing or hunting. How many times have you researched a computer, camera, phone etc. and when you finally bought it, you found it much cheaper a week later?
Sidenote: Golden rule, once you've purchased, stop looking. Prices will only disappoint you.
Time is money. How much do you value your time? Is waiting 4 hours in the cold and wrestling with the consumers most savage worth saving $50 or getting a 50" bigger tv for the same price as a 40"? Here are the two most important questions:
  • Do I ABSOLUTELY need this [insert item you're looking to purchase here] RIGHT NOW?
  • What is the MOST VALUABLE usage of my money RIGHT NOW?
I don't remember anything from my 12th grade economics class, not even the teachers name, except for this one quote, that has served me well.
"The costliest thing I ever purchased was something inexpensive that I didn't need"
-Mark Twain.
Best economics lesson ever!!

In the absence, I got a lot of messages on the side via other web!

For future references, for those of you who have comments, questions, topics that you will like me speak on and are too shy to voice em, drop your $0.02 at

WARNING!! Anonymity is only granted upon expressed written consent. Don't believe me, just ask Camille A. Ward

-Luv you co-worker!!! ;)


Sidenote: When I used to teach, in my Drama/Spoken Word/Creative writing class I made up an assignment where students wrote a letter to a season.....years before Jay-Z wrote dear summer. In lieu of my nostalgia in front of the kids, I bring you, "Dear Fall"

Sidernote: I seriously need to consider copyrighting the "sidenote." It's proliferation is running rampant throughout the land.
"Dear fall.........EFF YOU!!

After a long hiatus, 3 months to be exact, The RrChitect is back. When last we left off, our hero was amidst a month long birthday celebration, and as dire as I predicted, it was a perfect birthday, weekend and month.............................................

Then you came. With your decrepit wench of a friend named September!

With the exception of a couple birthdays of a few friends, nothing good ever comes out of the month of September. Perhaps I've always taken a personal view. For 29 years you've marked the end of my birthday season and I didn't quite appreciate that. The harbinger of cold and death. Your arrival took away my ice cream trucks, beach trips, long days and warm weather. I now have to wash all the sweaters I hid away in the closets to replace my shorts, swim trunks and tank tops in my drawers. I now have to tactically strategize on when I can and will wash my hair so I don't get sick. For a good 20 yrs you always herald the accursed "back to school" season. And for many years, on the other side of the classroom, you ended my vacation and brought me students who were hand picked by karma to pay me back for the carnage I inflicted on my teachers.

I read once that the third quarter reporting in business always takes a dip (theory is that ppl are laxed, go on vacation or not as focused or aggressive in the summer months). Everyone will forever remember where they were and exactly what they did on september 11th 2001. If you're in finance, you will remember 2008's september [tee hee! that rhymes!]. I know ppl who went home one day and by the time they got home, not thier job, THEIR COMPANY didn't exist!!

For all fall enthusiasts and all the zodiac signs in this season that I can never remember, nothing personal, but Eff the fall. The fall and I have beef.

Alas, there is some promise in you after all. The abundance of orange hues throughout the land. I completely forgot about season premieres, but those are cool too. I retired sitcoms years ago and the ones I watch, I get movie rental thingy-ma-bob.... The world series, big plus for us Yankee fans. Moder Warfare 2, we really appreciated that. You're lucky I have such an immaculate scarf collection that I love to sport. So for now, I'll spare you....until I find a suitable way to destroy you. You're like that one friend in the crew that I personally can't stand, but tolerate bc everyone else seems to like and get a long with them.

Worse Regards,
The RrChitect

Sidenote: I would like to thank my recent trip to the Nuyorican Poets Cafe for the refill in my creative writers tank. Also, , my new blog that I follow.