Saturday, July 31, 2010

Morpheus: Red Pill/Blue Pill, Apropos, Erego, the problem is choice.

I have moments like this that my friend M. Carter used to call "birth control" i.e. Jack and Kate plus 8. Meaning, moments like this make me dread or fear being a parent.
You guys remember "Larry Fishburne?" Then he upgraded his grown man status and became known as "Lawrence Fishburne," like "DON'T DARE CALL ME LARRY!!" which I completely agree with. Nicknames are cool but a man is a man, so call him by his blasted name..............damnit............yeah this one strikes home for me. Of all the memorable characters he's played (my favorite is the coked up drugdealing gangster from "King of New York") he will forever be immortalized as Morpheus, with that goth club coat and those cool shades that snap to his face with no.........whatever those extension thingies are called, from The Matrix trilogy...........and now for this.

According to several reports yesterday, his daughter Montana Fishburne has figured out her path in life, her road map to creating a name for herself...................PORN!!! She's even been quoted as saying that she was inspired by Kim Kardashian and her success. Can't make this up. This is even more disturbing than when DC re-elected convicted crack attic as Mayor. It's bad enough we have the youth looking up to rappers, athletes and movie stars, but now we actually have little girls who think Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton's blueprint to media fame is a viable option??? Is that my Spidey-Why kids are so dumb-Theory senses tingling???? I think my friend Jose Nievez' commentary trumps: "I guess she plans having a long career of getting smashed by NFL players for the rest of her life"

The funniest part of all this to me is, you have to hear the interview with her and porn star Brian Pumper [who supposedly deals to both sided in the adult film arms race]. The man is talking about porn as if they were on "Inside the Actor's Studio" its truly hilarious. Sorry, "Porn Dad" is not going to sit with Lawrence for some time. Maaaaaan, if I was famous and my daughter did this, I'd ship her ass to Singapore in a crate with 7 holes, for a bamboo caning....since she like "cane" in she backside so much.

I can so see Morpheus kicking this dude off of an 18 wheeler on a freeway onto on coming traffic. Poor poor Larry. First they incrementally made him less and less significant in each Matrix movie, finally, Jada practically bitches him in the last movie, now this? Better hug this one a little tighter and tell her a few more "I love you's."

Let's see how this works out. According to IMDB, her popularity shot up 54% this week [but 54% up from no one knowing who the hell you are is not an impressive benchmark just yet]. Kim and Paris had at least one other advantage over Montana that I think is an integral part of turning calamity into star power, but I'mma hold my tongue on that one for now.....Cus that's another conversation..

Friday, July 30, 2010



Why the hiatus? I have been stumped on one or two iffy blogs that's been clotting up the backlog but I was compelled to keep things posted in order. That's why I haven't been posting regularly and am posting 13 pieces at once (all originally dated) with an additional 7 still in draft mode. I'll have to post em or make some big bells and whistle announcement when they are good to go so you guys don't miss em (and trust me, you won't want to). I just couldn't leave July in the feeble state it was...........blogless.

But that stuff happens year round, you wanna know what really happened? PAY ATTENTION! I just told you in the title. Seriously, you know how hot a laptop gets in the summer? We've already had days when my ac looked at me like "hey this is the best I can do, I got nothing else for you" but the laptop sometimes undoes that. You know how hard it is to type when you have sun, fresh air and half nekked women gallivanting throughout the land? In the past few weeks I been to a curry-cue (exactly like it sounds, like a barbecue, but everything is curried instead - curry mango, apple, string beans and shrimps were my highlight) a pool party, a beach trip, a few afterwork parties, a few bachelor parties, a few cookouts, a big ass party in prospect park, a few free concerts, a few block parties, a few house parties, a random picnic in the park by the water with a good friend and many other random one on one adventures and palancing shinanigans. Summer has to be hands down the least productive season in any event or industry......except for like life guarding or beaching.

ONCE again, special thanks to all the ppl who bug me and get on my case for not posting. Sometimes, all it takes is just one to tip my scales and barrage you with an avalanched armada of blogs.

PS, you do know that with such massive compressed, condensed, concentrated, bulk bloggiage in conjunction with tomorrow commencing the kick of the official 20-10th annual Raphael Birthday Season, chances are outside of the few drafts I plan to finish, bloggitry may be scarce in this month. Yeah right. If I'm moved, or the world emits silliness at me, I'll spew my $0.02 on it.

PS'er, scroll past the Lebron blog and keep going back into June. There's a few posts down there that you may miss if you stop at the last blog you read.

PSSest, This year I've surpassed the last 3 yrs of blogging combined! Yay! MEEEE!! [insert blackberry dancing emoticon]

Sunday, July 25, 2010

JACK MOVE!! Verizon Users Just got DEEBO'd!!

Courtesy of

5. deebo (v.)

to steal.
derived from the conniving ways of "Deebo," a character in the movie "Friday."

Why you deebo my college application, homie?

So said, so done. Although I haven't found an article from Verizon itself, several users, engadget, forbes, bloomberg gizmodo and wired all report quotes from the CEO, CFO and CTO, projecting that Verizon is taking this generous offer off the table. The smaller providers like Tmobile, Sprint and whoever the hell else, have to offer the kitchen sink and the golden calf to retain customers and nibble away at the massive ATT and Verizon market share but these big guys over here dont seem to give a rats tail about the customers they serve. It's all about bottom line. They're not losing money, per say, on the unlimited plans, they just stand to gain a ridiculous amount by taking it off the table and implementing a tiered system. Personally, I don't know how you can use an iphone or ipad without an unlimited plan, but ATT didn't seem to care about little shit like that.

If anyone finds an official statement from Verizon pls share, but I've def seen enough quotes from the CEO to start a "na na na na" good bye chant. Whether existing customers will be able to keep their current unlimited plan or not, is still to be determined but reliable sources tell me nay :*(|main|dl8|link6|

Friday, July 23, 2010


Speaking good dance hall music in Favorite Song in The Word.....Right Now: Busy Signal - One More Night.......

Check out this super sweet mix by my ppl at InnerCity Movements, based in NYC

Dancehall for Dummies Volume 1!

Very fun blog I follow to provide the latest and hottest, a good laugh, some good music and insightful reads.


Favorite Song in The Word.....Right Now: Busy Signal - One More Night

I'm feeling this song for sooooooo many reasons. One of which, this is one of the first songs I heard from Busy Signal that I can actually play out loud around parents and children. If the name sounds familiar, its because he is in fact the same Busy Signal from previous favorite song in the world, Easy Access, which is exactly about what it sounds like as he proceeds to herald about panty-less women. AWESOME AWESOMENESS!!

I think there's been a shift in consciousness on a whole in the dancehall music community. I've been hearing a lot less vulgarity and daggering music in the mixtapes I've been listening to over the last few months.

The video is pretty sweet too. As a package deal, they throw in an equally smooth chune, "Night Shift"

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


In response to:Men & their B A L L S

[In my best F.D.R voice]

"Yesterday, Tuesday 20th, 2010 -- a date which will live in infamy -- the United States of Balls were suddenly and deliberately attacked by oral and verbal forces of the Empire of Estrogen.

The United States was at peace with that nation and, at the solicitation of Estrogen, was still in conversation with its government and its emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Vulva."

I'm tempted to really go in and go line by line, but its not that serious bc its still a good light hearted comedic read. The two primary attacks was on our sports fascination and our penile "obsession." First off, let me just tackle the latter. Idunno what it's like on the other side of the fence but let me just tell you..............having a Bobby Dangles, is AWESOME!!! I'mma have to write a "Penis Monologue" one of these days. If it had a bill, it would be the first one paid every month. Men would go homeless, lose their car, lights and phone before they lost it (oddly enough, there is no bill and unfortunately some men do lose everything for it, but that's another conversation - there's extremist for everything). So leave us to our testicular devices. As much as I study, I swear I learn something new about the triangle every year, so why would you think for a second that our attachment is any less complicated?

Secondly, sports is waaaaaaaaaay more than just entertainment and I promise you all I will expound on that at a later date. But I digress, a line by line retort does not tackle the macro issue at hand.

Tread lightly ladies, your stepping on sacred territory and crossing some serious boundaries. There are many things about women we don't understand but leave it be bc we know how ugly things can get and how quickly we get accused of insensitivity. But for men, we can lash and lash away and just say "man up" can't we? Ah the double standard lingers. Not complaining bc we can't take it................just advising that we can easily go down the same route if that is in fact where ladies wish to go. Men, we must quell this peasant uprising before it rallies momentum in the surrounding towns and neighboring villages!!

Sacred Cows that Men don't understand, but respect and leave alone:

Make up - Any man who really likes to loves you will say he prefers you without it. Any man that says "OOOH GOSH bebe! Put on some MAC or we not leaving the house," you might want to reconsider. We don't question why your make-up box is more elaborate or intricate than the average mans tool box or surgeons spread. We don't question why you have more colors and tools than Bob Ross or a first year fine art student. We just smile, play video games or watch TV while you're getting ready.

Shoes - Most women I speak to average somewhere btwn 40-70 pairs and more. Why you need 10 pairs of black shoes, that's another conversation. I've heard some really creative explanations that I'm sure would sway a jury of your peers in a court of law. But not every man has lived with a woman for enough months or years to BEGIN to grasp this concept.

Jeans - Why exactly do you need 12 pairs of blue jeans, I'm sure you can come up with and already have very sensible sounding reasons.....but once again, it's a rhetorical question. We leave that alone.

Periods - The red light, Aunt Dot, Your friend, T.O.M., Aunt Flow, or any other myriad of names you call it. Its a part of life, we accept it, but it will forever gross us out. Sorry, its the truth. But out of respect for you, we stomach it and speak nothing of it. The most profound summary of our feelings on it is from South Park's Mr Garrison when he said, "I don't trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn't die." BUT, we have too much love, respect and adoration for the female body and know better than to go there.

You're "EX" - I'm convinced that 99% of women have or had at least one ex that they cannot stop talking about and you are sick and tired of being sick and tired of hearing about. She'll go on and on about all the reasons why he's the most terrible person in the world. If it happens to be someone you're dating, find said ex and punch him in the face bc he's to blame for 80% of your relationship issues. He does or did things to her that if it were to happen to your sister or cousin, you would consider murder. Yet, she still goes back with him, sees him, hangs out and carries on as if none of that ever happened. And you're in the awkward position of forcing to keep a straight face bc the dude is always around. Oh the dilemma: do you tell your friend STFU and risk alienating a good friend who needs someone to confide in, or do you stomach it and be a good friend to your own personal and psychiatric dismay? Again, I'm sure you have all the reasons in the world why you can't give up on Blood Liver, Stabwound Stan,Bullet Tooth Tony, or Ike Turner just yet.

Like Scarface said, "All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for no one. Do you understand?" So leave the balls alone [except for the one or two acceptable permissible occasions ::GIGGITY!!::]. We will forever be very protective of them in a way that until you've been kicked, knee'd or grazed in the nuts, will never understand. Remind me to tell you all one day the many lessons in life and manhood that you can learn from sports. It's more than just a game. The key take-away here is that full understanding is not requisite for compliance, respect and symbiotic cohabitation.

We protect our nuts like a squirrel with a bazooka!!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Gilbert: The Proscecution Rests. [From the Blackberry Chronicles]

Very important philosophy: "Always attempt to view and understand things from the other persons point of view" from Dale Carnegie's book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" one of my favorite books of all time. I remember once I was putting it in my bag and a student asked, "why are you reading that book?" and in a bewildered perplexed face, I responded " win friends.........and influence.........people?" Seems straight forward to me. I like books and movies that tell me what I'm getting up front.

Yeah. I more and more side with Gilbert every day although I still abhor his letter. I finally think I got the best analogy:

What Lebron did was like a dude (Gilbert) making plans with a chica (Lebron)......sorry, as my friends Kharl or J-Dubs would say, "a BITCH" (not big fans of his decision) Not only did he make the plans with her, he set aside a large set of money for the plans. He turned down mad offers to do other stuff, parties, movies, vacations, dates, etc, even his friends as well as other chicas that were interested in him. He held off on grocery shopping, sales and trips to the outlets and the chica doesn't return any calls or txts all week (partially dudes fault for waiting around but I'll equate this to a superbad chica he's trying to wife up or really really really (x10) wanna smash). Finally, 3 hours (well more like 2 and 15 minutes after commercial interruption) before the time of your date, she put her facebook status as "the most important thing for me is to have fun and to have fun right now so I'm going to South Beach and for a night on the town with my two girls."

Not to be sexist, just reread that paragraph and invert all the masculine/feminine proper nouns as need be to suit your sexual preference.

Can you imagine that rage? After all the major free agents were already signed, you're bread and butter player ups and bounces without even a call or even giving you an opportunity to get something out of the deal? Yeah, Gilbert probably did something to reeeeeeeeeeally piss James off.

My attempt at understanding does in no way shape or form imply agreeance, its just a mental exercise. I've always been fascinated how tyrannical the corporate structure is in the fact that we're "supposed" to give 2 weeks notice before departure, for good measure, yet when you're fired or laid off you have to clear the premise by the end of the day, if not immediately and sometimes escorted by security.

Lebron, order a "Call-a-cab" at Wet Willies for me!

Sent via The RrChitect by Some provider I don't advertise for.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Lebron - "Ho's up: Pimp down!"

Ok, this is getting disgusting. I've spit my angst and venom as a bitter NY Knicks fan (who credible sources including TMZ, say was Lebron's choice up until the morning of the decision but that slick haired bastard Pat Riley moved mountains, parted the sea and pulled every rabbit out his hat to screw the city of NY over one last time.....DAMNIT! TMZ got my respect after Michael Jackson) and got it out of my system. But I'm a fan. I can do that. You remember when they used to open schools up and invite parents to come speak to the teachers about you? Every once in a while you'd have that one parent who acted up worse than any of the delinquent students combined? That's how I felt this morning when I read this letter by Dan Gilbert, the head owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers. - FULL LETTER BELOW

As much as I oppose Lebron's decision, I'm disgusted that a "professional" official would make such an sophomoric public denouncement. He might as well have said "F you! F you're license plates and your drivers license is expired. You're banished from the state of Ohio. If I see you in da streets it's a wrap. Your moms is ugly. We gunna get your family." I say that jokingly but I'm genuinely worried about the James family right about now. I hope he moved them to safe houses in Pensacola already bc last night I saw and heard multiple accounts of Clevelanders burning Lebron jerseys, now this pompous imbecile dare add kerosene to this flame? How dare you speak of "disloyalty" and call the man (who's made you) "callous, coward, cursed" in the same breath in this corrosion of professional etiquette letter that you have the audacity to post public?

Forget Lebron, this letter is the most ungraceful thing I've seen in sports, EVER. What happened to taking the "L" with dignity?! And truthfully, what did Lebron do that was so wrong?! He gave that city 7 years of heart and dedication and got very little support to do the job. Imagine what you were doing 7 years ago. Imagine you were still in that same school? Imagine you were at that same job with not one bonus or pay raise and never taken the head/lead of a major project (or whatever is the equivalent to a championship in your field). Imagine you were in the same relationship and....(you know what? Some of you are and you too have no ring so I'll leave that can of worms alone.) He made Cleveland an authority in the sports world. One man alone can't win a title.

Should he be like Charles Barkley, Shawn Kemp, Domenic Wilson and countless other athletes who lived and died for a city that never led to a championship? Should he have been like David Robinson, Paul Pierce, Kobe, and Jordan who rather than take a trade out, stood firm, waited for the right co-stars, bled for a team, and eventually, with honor and dignity brought a title(s) to their home city? Or should he be like Allen Iverson who wasted a majority of his prime with a team where he was a one man army? Who are you to think you are so self-righteous to tell him what to do with HIS career? After all the revenue he made you? You ungrateful summBITCH!!?

My friends, what we are looking at is the oldest profession in the world: Pimping and Ho'ing, and a pimp, just got ho'd. And naturally so.....pimps don't like to get ho'd. Much like the draft and free agency, pimps go after the most sought out ho's and if your pimp game isn't strong, if you're beating your ho's with wire hangers, not keeping them happy and fed, they might just up and leave you for the next pimp. Do pimps get ta fighting and a cussin? NO! It's a profession of gentlemen and leisure. "Your ho chose me!" Plain and simple. Get over it. To hear this from an owner is comical. What we're hearing is the bitter rants of a person who knows his pockets just got cut bc he lost his Bottom Bitch. He's not happy that he's going to have to be a bit more conservative with his jet fuel now. James even further ho'd the entire country (World Cup is on, don't nobody outside of the US care about Lebron) and gave the money to charity....AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!!! To Gilbert's comments about sending children the wrong message, here's the message Lebron just sent:
"I do this for my culture
To let 'em know what a ____ look like...when a ____ in a roaster
Show 'em how to move in a room full 'o vultures
Industry shady it need to be taken over
Label owners hate me I'm raisin' the status quo up
I'm overchargin' _____ for what they did to the Cold Crush.
Pay us like you owe us for all the years that you ho'd us
We can talk, but money talks so talk mo' bucks"
Patrick Ewing was on the original........and ONLY Olympic Gold medalist US "Dream Team," and honored as one of the 50 greatest players of all time. He dedicated 95% of his career, heart, health and body to the New York Knicks, led them to many winning seasons, playoffs, and even the finals once, and was dashed away at the end his career to retire shamefully on the Suns. When Charles Oakley was traded, he found out when he came back from vacation and saw his locker cleared out. I only found out two years ago that Jordan was forced into early retirement (thank GOD) by MIS-management and owners in Chicago. JORDAN!?? Of all ppl? Really? You would think the owner would give the man his own landing strip if he asked for it. But no. The league has been ho'ing, selling and trading players for year irregardless of their goals, health and family like kittens in a litter or slaves in the field. To paraphrase Chris Rock, James may be rich, but Gilbert is WEALTHY! I don't cry for billionaires so I don't buy this allegorical tantrum about what Lebron is doing to the game. Three players who like each other all took a PAYCUT for an opportunity to play together and do something great at a time when ppl complain that players only think about money.

One last thing as I dismount my soapbox, I lost a lot of respect and sympathy for you jersey burning, so-called fans. You disgust me. It was obvious that he was leaving but this is how you repay him for what he's done, you bitter ex you? Did Orlando fans do this when Shaq left? 4 rings later, does anyone care? It's fair-weather fans like you as well as execs like Gilbert who ruin the sport....NOT the players. Thank you for that letter Gilbert. It is further telling of the UNDER story as to why a person would leave their beloved hometown. (Not to mention no ones confirming nor denying the Delonte West allegations. If it were untrue, wouldn't you clear that up by now?!!) Any New York Knicks fan would PROUDLY wear a number 33 jersey to this day.......ringless fingers and all.
Open Letter to Fans from Cavaliers Majority Owner Dan Gilbert
Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:


You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....

Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers

Thursday, July 8, 2010

PSA: LADIES, Wash Your Damn Hair!!

Every once in a while, a blog I read moves something in me and my response in turn becomes a blog in itself. Here was a recent response to the post where my pal Nik vents on some of her peeves of her fellow female species so I had to add My $0.02 about one I think she overlooked:

ONE critical one that has been overlooked. Weave, braids, curled, straight, natural, perm, locks, tentacles, serpents, whatever..................WASH YOUR DAMN, FRIGGIN......FLIPPIN........SHIT'IN............MUDDA ASS, HAIR!! No I'm not boggling, doing the matrix or leaning back or trying to get down low when we dance, I'm avoiding the Chernobyl that you call hair!! SHIT! It's 2010, we are not THAT hung up on hair anymore. There are far more important considerations, so hair is tertiary to us. We could care less how it looks if it smells like assrocks!

I'm tired of coming home from a party or fete and not only do I need to wash my face, hands or shower, I need to wash MY hair bc I smell like susty weave or burned perm. Idunno, do yall clean your curling irons? And don't give me that bull about black women can't wash your hair that often, bc I can refer you to a few specialists that argue otherwise and will steer you in the right direction product-wise. If a man ever talks to you or dances with you but walks away before the song gets to the chorus, this was probably why.

Here's a clue. If you feel the need to use some fragrance, or scented product on your hair, its a sign that you should WASH IT instead! Bc more than likely, you got accumulated crap and product, sweat and crud from the last time you decided to spray, curl, hot-comb and cook dutty stink hair instead of washing it. We don't care about whatever other clashing scents (scent coordination is another peeve) if your hair smelling like guava mango ass.