Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Spray It, Dont Say It [From the Blackberry Chronicles]

[written 2 months ago]

I should beat my own ass. A LOT has happened in the last 2 [4] months and let's just say physically, emotionally, professionally, financially and mentally, I'm in a MUCH better place than I was 2 [4] months ago. The last few months only reaffirmed two things I believe whole-heartedly:

1: Outside of Raphael birthday season (which snowballed well into October this year) August is and always was the greatest month of the year.
2: Outside of a few birthdays, September is consistently the worse month that mankind has ever known to man (namely, me......... really....who's $0.02 is this?).
sidenote: for further elaboration on why the fall sucks hot chlamydia covered rhino ass, revisit my '09 blog: EFF FALL!!!
So after enough accumulated hatemail, txts and blog threats, I'm back at it. Now here's the dilemma: a HUGE impedance to writing was the roadblock draft blogs I have stockpiled. I missed the carefree days of FUIFTU (F U, its funny to us) when I jus wrote what the hell I thought, during a lunch break or a single trainride, and never thought twice about it. So what i decided to do is take a couple of thoughts that have been dangling on my mind (some i've been using olympic gold medal restraint not to say for fear of offense to readers or too much profanity) and jus deliver them in straight shots, unfiltered, unedited, unformatted no chaser. And its only right i start it off by releasing the dam on the one post that bloodclotted my "draft cue" for months, going back as early as spring.

[Walks over to the town square. Places soapbox on floor and mounts it]

Fat girls. You're not thick. You're fat. Thick is a very rare and precious gift from our gracious creator and further evidence that there is a God. The thick chick nation has requested you stop abusing and ruining the nomenclature.

Terrorists attacked US on 9/11, not the nation of Islam. Build the damn mosque where you want.

Stop taking every opportunity to remind the world how many degrees you have. Hope you're doing something with them other than talking about them.

I know I shouldn't knock anyones hustle in a recession, but eff that. Its a recession. Club/Bar Bathroom Person, you gots to go! Don't look at me like that. Damn right I'm not going to tip Perhaps if u didn't hold all the soap and paper towel hostage, I could manage to pump some soap and dry my hands my damn self. Did you ever consider that?! Here's a tip: LEAVE ME THE EFF ALONE!

Grown ass men don't go around professing what grown ass men should and shouldn't other grown ass men.

Stop talking about how grown you are bc you got a car, apartment and a job. In some parts of the world, this is the norm for ppl by age 19-21.

For that matter, ppl under 30 should not even introduce the terms "young" or "grown" into their dialog outside of literal applications.

Having a child does not automatically make you an adult.

Stop bragging about the things you have but do not own. Especially when you know you're one bad month away from repossession, eviction and bankruptcy. -Read "Rich Dad Poor Dad" or to expedite the last point, look up the definitions of "asset" and "liability."

Stop confusing responsibilities with independence.

Paying your bills is not something to brag or celebrate. Your supposed to pay them.

Quit bragging about trips and take a real vacation. Get ya passport-stamp game up!

Here's a clue: if your on a "trip" and you're constantly posting pictures and changing your status broadcasting about how much fun you're having..........YOU'RE REALLY NOT HAVING THAT MUCH FUN!! When you dont post a pic until DAYS after you get home, if you even took any pics, or you cant use your phone bc its in a ziplock back in your pocket to prevent water're having fun.

I have been quoted or "re-tweeted" on twitter at least 18 times......... that I know of. The fascinating part in all this, is I dont even have a twitter account.

Quit crying and complaining about your bills. Do you forget the services you enjoyed that procured those bills? If they bother you that much cut off your phone, tv, credit cards,car etc. and stfu.

Hey! Grammar Nazi! Stop pointing out ever bleeping typo and "grammatic error" in my blog. There is no prize or point system. I know my ap english teacher Ms Gordon is probably turning over somewhere in her faculty lounge, but perhaps you newer readers should re-visit my first blog back in '07 Fischer Price - My First Blog/Disclaimer for further clarification. If however, you would like to join me in reading some Derrida, Foucault, Toufuri or debate Pierce's semiotics, structuralism, deconstructuralism, or the Hegellian dialectic, in the whispered words of the immortal Al Bundy....."let's rock!" Note to self [2 months later, i honestly cant remember what the "note to self was." iSad :(]

Stop complaining about being broke if you pay more than $100 a month for tv.

A rainmaker is a banker, broker, trader or salesperson who make multi million dollar deals and brings in major accounts.......not some weekend baller who spends rent money in the club and eatsfr pb and jelly sandwiches all week long and or neglect their kids.

We need a film regulatory board and its first act of duty should be to suspend and ban M night shalala, shinanigans, shimmy shimmy yall, shoryuken or whatever the hell his name from making movies ever again.

Dexter is the greatest show on tv.

I'm not a modest dude, but I'm far from arrogant. Arrogance is one of my least favorite traits on earth (abhorred equally or probably more than wet socks). Even worse, arrogance without cause. If you're the cave troll of the crew, you'd better be more likable than Oprah and Hilary Clinton combined and as humble as a Buddhist sheep. You're not hot by association. Stop leveraging your friend's attractiveness. Arrogant-unattractive ppl..........with bad attitudes should be thrown out into the street and shot.

I dont know how many times i have to say this, but although i appreciate the emails, facebook msgs and wall posts, txts, calls, bbms about my blog, LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS AND COMMENTS ON DI FLIPPIN BLOG!? I actually enjoy engaging in dialog and hearing different views and perspectives on my thoughts.. hell, if your lazy, jus click a reaction on the bottom. I get the most criticism and side convo from ppl who never ever contribute on my blog or worse, not even subscribe as a follower.

If you dont click that link on the right and "follow" this blog.....................the terrorists win. [Hell! worth a shot. worked for one moron for 8 straight years]

LASTLY! I sincerely thank all the readers who actually give a flyin fat baby rat's ass about what I have to say. I also appreciate those who dont give two left bra cups about what I actually have to say, moreso you simply enjoy, get a kick or slight belly-achery out of the particular ways I choose to say it. I'm also fascinated by all the followers who I have no idea who on earth you are, but welcome. Juice and cookies to your right.........

OK Denisha! I'm hitting publish and not looking back!!

...........ok Denisha, I lied to myself. I cant help it! I'm an Rrchitect. I measure 10x and cut once.

[Dismounts soapbox and goes home to play Super Streetfighter 4 and COD Black-Ops]

Sent via The Rrchitect

Thursday, October 28, 2010

IF WACKA WAS SMART..........................

.............was smart, instead of talking down on the parody, he should have joined forces with this dude and collaborated on a remix! In this sad, broken, decayed state of rap music and pop culture, he would have.........could have.........STILL CAN made/make a million off of this. DON'T HATE! Participate!

It's not too late............if he has any intelligent ppl in his corner, I hope they advise him to change his tune real quick or else he's just fueling a gravy train that he won't be able to board. If you don't believe me, holla at Antoine Dodson! Two kids made a parody of him on some real talk, and he laughed his way out of the projects, into a new home for his family, onto a youtube/facebook/website and onto the face of millions of masqueraders this weekend who will be buying the official costume or simply dressing up like Antoine Dodson for Halloween.

LAUGH NIKKA! Life's too short.

Some leftover change from the last blog:





Last week, a video parody called "Baracka Flacka Flames - Head of State" released, spoofing the song "Hard in the Paint" and I think it's hilarious and comedic genius. I've listened to it probably 5 times this morning alone and will probably incorporate quotes from it into my dialog for days and weeks to come. It's gone viral so of course, the NY Times jumped up on it. Out of the 2 page article, the spark that rushed me to the keyboard was the artists Wacka Flacka Flame reaction. Excuse the typos and grammatical errors bc as you will shortly realize, I was a tad livid after reading his reactions to the spoof and forced to carve time out of an extremely hectic day to share my $0.02 on the matter.

Sidenote: For those that don't know me, I hate the n-word more than any word in any language and has absolutely no place or business in casual conversation. Words do not belong to any exclusive group, so if its not acceptable for 1, its not acceptable for all. However, I rarely use it from time to time for strategic exclamatory purposes to make a point.

Sidernote: Yes, i hate that word more than the word "hate"........and yes.......... more than wet socks.

Wacka can eat a can of rabbit dicks! he got some damn nerve calling someone "ignorant" and then his mother/manager has the audacity to say:


Isn't your son the same dude who got a song talking about "drug dealer music?!!" I couldnt believe me h'eyes reading those quotes. Dude's on twitter talking about, "let other ppl see how ignorant other ppl can be" SERIOUSLY SUN??!! Wacka is the quintessential prototype of positive black imagery?!?!

Man, that shit jus pissed me off. spoofing the president of the united states is as old as the presidency itself. Saturday night live built its career and that of many comedians off of presidential parodies, but i think ppl get too sensitive bc obama's black. Dan Akyroyd - Nixon. Dana Carvey - Bush Sr. Will Ferrell's one man show on George W. is fricken classic and made me respect him as a comedic, artistic genius. See it if you havent already. Hell, court jesters and marionettes in medieval times made fun of the kings and royal families.

I’ll be the first to admit it [takes off “no-snitching” t-shirt] as black ppl, we can be a tad sensitive, and with good reason. But this is not WWII, this is modern warfare. Trench warfare is over, we gotta be more tactical and evasive about the battles we choose as to not dilute the argument. The biggest question online is, “is this a bad representation of Barack and our culture?” I’ll answer that for you……..NO N-WORD [twice in 1 blog is too much]! We made fun of G.W. for 8 consecutive years and counting, did that stop him from doing all the bs that he did? Yeah he screwed most of us over, but from an insiders perspective, this man accomplished soooooooooooooooooooo many things (for him and his ppls - legally, ethical or not) regardless of what we said and how we felt about him.

PERHAPS this is yet another a great opportunity for our community on a whole to take some reflection on the music we listen, respond to and download. How could you possibly get upset for someone doing exactly what you do.....the way you do it? You ever take a picture of someone and see nothing wrong with it, but they hate it and want you to delete it? Its okay for you, but not the president (who clearly isn't Barack), is that the message? So my nephews can watch you do and say ignorant shit, but not a spoofed president (who's clearly doing it in jest)?

One of the classic artist spoofs of all time was the South Park parody of Kanye West. If you haven’t seen it, look up the "Fish Sticks" episode on comedy centrals website - satiric it is comedic, GENIUS!! So much so, that Kanye himself, posted a blog the very next morning applauding the writers and admitting that he needs to check himself. Perhaps this is an opportunity for Wacka (and a lot of other artists) to also do some serious self reflection on what image they are portraying.



LMAO LOLOLOLO!!!! Top 3 best Barack spoofs to date. Shout outs to AlphaCat

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

LEGxercises For Skinny Legs [From The BlackBerry Chronicles]

"What work outs r good to develop legs including mass and muscle? I work my legs but they're still skinny"
Sidenote: I've been getting a lot of questions that have fermented into blog posts. If you have a question or blog you want me to write about, shoot me an email @
Rule of thumb #1: For building strength and mass, do more sets, few reps, heavier weights. Ex: instead of squatting 3 sets of 10 reps with 145 lbs, do 5 sets of 3-5 reps with 190 lbs

Rule of thumb #2: For tone, definition, fat burn and lean mass gain, do high reps with less weight. Ex: squat 3-4 sets of 25 reps with your own body weight and or 100-125 lbs.
Sidenote: Don't sleep on calesthetics. You can build some serious muscle, strength, definition, mass and lose a lot of weight by just using bodyweight exercises.
Rule of thumb #3: You need enough water, protein, calories and nutrition to support your muscle growth. Cant stress nutrition enough. Building muscle mass without protein is like putting up a concrete building without cement (architectural nerd moment - eff you Denisha! :)). Water is the same as water in the analogy. If your caloric intake doesn't meet or exceed your workout, you'll get skinnier and end up losing weight or muscle mass [hint for ppl trying to lose weight, just invert that theory]. Simple workout formula: calories in vs calories out. Whichever one is greater, wins.

Rule of thumb #4: Don't HALF-ass the workout. Get the FULL ass....I mean, workout. What does that mean? You hear the cliches "slow and controlled lifts" and after that ppl tend to just drop the weights. Think about this, if you lift a sofa up a flight of stair, do you do it "slow and steady" then drop it when you're done? NO! For more strength and favorable results, lift fast/quickly (but still controlled) and on the drops, return the weight, slow and controlled (these are called negatives). Focus more on the negatives. I promise you, this will cut your max in half for any workout at first, but long term you will see waaaaaaay more results than the "jerk and drop method" that you see most ppl do in the gym. Reason being, you exercise, work and develop the FULL extent of your muscles and tendons and more important in both directions. It will do you no good to lift something if you cant hold it for very long. Not to mention your entire body strengthens as you struggle for stability.

Rule of thumb #5: For building strength and mass, free weights trump machines, hands down. Some exceptions, like bowflexes, cables and other machines, are equally effective.....or almost as.


Using this philosophy, here are some of the best leg workouts I found....rather, most effective for quick results as well as long term muscle, strength and endurance gain.

As much as I hate them, no leg regimen is complete without it. This is also probably one of the greatest total body workouts and along with the bench (great for abs, and back as well), should be the cornerstone of your workout routine. I recommend you start with bodyweight squats until you've perfected your form and body alignment. Caution is key bc this is probably the easiest workout to seriously injure your self doing. Easy when goin up in weight and when you get into heavy weights (180 and up) I strongly recommend investing in a good pair of work out gloves and a good lifting belt. You dont need a bar for this. You can get a great workout with dumb bells, plates or any type of weight (I used to do sumo squats with paint buckets or cinder blocks). For increased challenge and resistance, eventually graduate to one legged squats.

Hands down my least favorite. I stopped bc my thighs and butt were getting too big and I need my slacks to fit, so ladies, yall can have this one. Another workout that can be done with body weight until balance is perfected, then upgraded to bells or a bar. Once you're body weight becomes too easy, challenge yourself by resting one leg behind you on a chair (imagine you're stepping down from a chair but one foot is still caught on the chair) and do one legged lunges.
Sidenote: When I star gaining weight in places I don't want it, I refuse to buy bigger sizes. That subliminal psychological acceptance is the beginning of the end. 2 lbs here......2 lbs there.........then you wonder where that 20 lbs came from? Doesn't happen over night....I digress.
This is one where you absolutely need weights and unless its 80lbs or more, you're wasting your time. there are 2 types, one where you keep your legs straight and lift with your back solely. It's important to keep your back straight and never curl the spine. Second, you keep your back straightened and lift with your legs.

Standing Calve Raises
Moreso to isolate and develop the calves. Great for developing your calves to balance out your build and symmetry. I'd recommend 3 sets each with your calve pointed straight forward, in, then out.

Last rule (for mass gain) do not waste your time with seated leg exercises. Three reasons, first, when do you ever have to use your legs while seated unless you plan to kick the dog or cat across the room? For more effective workouts, stick to exercises that emulate real life actions (picking someone up, lifting a sofa, carrying a person, pulling something up). Personally, imagine things like body slamming ppl, pulling myself up from a cliff or pulling someone off a ledge, lifting a fallen beam, being on the Sprartan front line in "300," or any other action flick type, rescue, superhero stuff. :)

Second reason, extending your legs with resistance while seated add unnecessary unnatural stresses on your knees. Try this, sit down and press your palms tightly on your knees then try to extend it. If you feel a click or discomfort, that wobbly thing (your patella) is not supposed to move in that motion and that's what you're doing with weight (like leg extensions).

Third, its ineffective for strength bc it doesn't take into account your full body weight and your cores ability to balance and stabilize the weight. Seated squats (a lazy mans joke) will never compare to standing squats. Not to mention while seated you're pushing off you back and arms and adding back stress that's normally not there. I can seat squat 400 lbs 10x no problem but my max standing was around 300 without any of the knee problems I got with seated machines. The worse hands down is the seated calve raises or as a trainer once called them "a worthless inefficient workout that will give you enough of a pointless burn to make you feel like you actually accomplished something."

Sorry for the essay, but its not a simple question and there is no simple answer. Time, consistency and discipline are the final factors. Without them all this text is useless. I'll leave off on the last most important note: Become a student, and RE-learn every exercise. I learned most exercises in my teens and mostly with inaccurate or bad form. To avoid some serious, severe, irreparable damaging injuries, take some time online watching videos that teach you the correct form and RE-LEARN every matter how well you think you already know it.

I recommend supersite -

ps, Leg exercise also increases your libido [GIGGITY!!] bc of the increase in testosterone production in your lower body. Also, it will radically improve your build and upper body strength. I didn't believe this trainer when he told me it would help me increase my bench, but it did.

Sent via The Rrchitect

Monday, October 18, 2010

Why I Hate "Sports Clubs!" [From The BlackBerry Chronicles]

I'm so backed up, my blog needs a colonix, but I NEEDED to post this one:

Good news bad news. Some of you may recall the saddest day of my life, june 15th 2009, when my alma mata closed the building with my free gym for good. Well on October 15th (exactly 1 year and 4 months to the day of the crisis), the rrchitect is finally back in the gym hence, excited to blog!!! My fat kid antics, physical dilapidation and flat out lard-ass shit has reached heights of epidemic proportions. I should show u the last bathroom pic I took. Put it this way, if obscene amounts of water suddenly dropped from my pelvis area or some parasitic alien symbiote burrowed and ate its way out of my stomach, I'd be the least bit shocked.

So why is this bad news? Although I LOVE the gym, "sports clubs" are one of my least favorite places on earth. I haven't been in one for over 3 yrs, on purpose! Now, I have no choice. My gym was perfect; small, minimally occupied and resembled the basements, cellars and barns of Rocky movies - all I ever needed. I began writing this list months ago when I visited on a guest pass and pretty much saw damn near all of these today. So here are the reasons why I HATE the Sports Club, followed by ppl I HATE in the Sports Club.
Sidenote: Ppl who know me KNOW about the only things in this life that I actually hate is the word "hate"......and perhaps wet sock, so brace yourself for some pure, unleaded animosity.

Sidernote: MMMMMMMM..........siiiiiiidenooooote....heheheheeee!

Reasons I Hate the Sports Clubs:
"Smoke and Mirrors."
Most ppl don't notice the funhouse mirror tricks. In the weightlifting section they use skewed mirrors that make u look broader and mirrors that stretch and make you look slimmer in the stretching, machine and cardio area. Don't believe the hype. Check yourself out when u get home.

Night at the roxbury.
Most sportsclubs resemble bad 90's dance clubs and have the soundtrack to match. Should you forget your headphones, I highly suggest skipping a day.

The Illusive 20 lb dumbbell.
I've tried every major chain in many locations and states and no matter where I go, for some kiss-me-ass reason I can never find a blasted 20 lb dumbbell, and if I do, good luck finding two. Idunno what magazine said the key to fitness, weight-loss and the cure to E.D. is the 20 lb dumb bell, but how did it get so popular?!!! If your workout revolves around 20 lb weights, change it up bc there's a goblin/elf/troll/gremlin who steals all the 20lb weights, takes them to polar ends of the gym and keeps moving them around, only to reveal them when your dressed and heading out the door.

The "Wait Room."
Chances are, the only times you're free to go to the gym are the same times as the masses. That's sucks for ppl like me who like supersets or circuit training. I typically line up 5 machines with the weight I need then do 5 exercises back to back with no break then rest. Not gunna happen, up in da "club."
But folks, its not so much the inanimate environment that pisses me off so much as the signature characters you find at every "sports club" no matter where in the united states you go. (For brevity, I will replace "Sports Club" with "gym" but don't let the nomenclature fool you. I hate Sports Clubs.
The Screamer.
I believe that at heart, most ppl are decent, so if I'm in an environment with large, heavy, die-cast pieces of steel everywhere, if I hear a loud orgasmic scream followed by a thunderous clank, is it naive of me to get startled and assume that someone is in direr peril? False alarm, that's just "the screamer" a person who can't lift a rep of 20 lbs with out Olympic power-lifter/ bust-a-nut grunts, followed by a "who-shot-my-big-toe" scream. And God forbid this person sets the weights down, they MUST drop them with seismic impacts as to disturb everyone around despite the highest possible headphone volume.

The Unjustly Modest for no Reason Nudist.
I hate the effin locker room for this one reason alone. For some reason, whether they have elephant trunks or light switches, men in the gym have absolutely no problem streaking in the locker room. My LEAST favorite thing to see in life, is a next mans bobby-dangles. You don't even have to be looking to see it, matter of fact, all attempts to avoid are futile. You can't put on your sneakers and turn without seeing someone suddenly drop their underwear or towel without warning. Didn't your parents teach you the getting dressed under the towel trick!? Some of em are just sitting there, CHILLING, naked, reading a paper. Combing their hair in the mirror. Blow-drying their balls (kid you not, saw that one today). The showers have curtains yet THEY LEAVE THEM OPEN!!! Until I get desensitized to it again (sadly that happens after about 2 weeks or so) imma get a blind fold, walking stick and a braille combination lock. No joke, I saw 9 penises today alone NINE (3 before I even changed, so I started to keep count after that, solely for this blog) and who knows how many "crack" dealers. It was so bad that when Patch and Denise Belfon's song "Pipe" came on, I had to skip it (my soca fans will get a kick outta that one."

The 70's/80's Wrestler.
This is the guy who looks like Macho Man Randy Savage, with a make-over from Richard Simmons. Where they find these tights and t-shirts, Lord only knows, which leads to his counterpart:

The Prep boy.
I haven't put my finger on it yet, but some guys manage to workout and still look like a J-Crew add-virtissment (going for the British phonetics, let's see if I pulled it off).

The Girly Man.
Some ppl in the gym look as lost as an Amish virgin boy, in an Indonesian brothel. Things that make me wanna kick ppl (but I wont- Sidenote: I recently learned that if you stomp or kick someone when they're down, that's not only assault, its assault with a deadly weapon - thanks DEXTER).
-When ppl use the flat bench with less than 45 or 35 lbs. Newsflash. That's less than your body weight. Go home n do some damn push ups n quit waisting my effin time!
- When ppl do a million reps with the 5, 10 lb weight. They're typically pink and purple for a reason :/ OR....worse.....
-They're the damn gremlin hogging the 20 lb weights. Again, get a pair of purple and pink dumbells from Lady Footlocker and go home! Like school, gyms have requisites you should hit first.

-Every rep they do looks like they're gunna die. No one can concentrate bc they look like they'll drop the benching bar with no weight on it, and every few minutes you gotta run in and save em from killin themselves. Maybe you SHOULD invest in the.....

Overzealous, Ambitious Personal Trainer.
This is the trainer that stalks like a falcon over chipmunk. They wait for the right time to strike like the crock hunter, and lure you into a "free training session." They then proceed to work you to the point where you don't want to see anything metallic and or move for a week, then try to sell you on more of that masochism and the value of a "very affordable" $12-1800 training package. Ladies, this is sometimes followed by stalking phone calls.......very similar to.....

Horndog Holler Man.
You have to be a tenured member to pick this guy up. Everyone looks, but this guy hits on any decent looking (and some indecent) female in the gym, typically resulting in many a fine eye-candy fleeing, seeking sanctuary at other branch gyms. If your visiting this chain for the first time, we all know who will be the first to welcome you. His favorite target......

The P.O.A. "Club" Girl.
This is the girl that heard "club" in the title, and got the WRONG idea. We understand that some of you all are uncontrollably sexy in whatever you wear, and want to be comfortable, and we celebrate n embrace that, but this girl thought she was working the pole dance workout. You wonder if she's thinking "what will cause an orgasm on-sight" when she's getting dressed. GREAT!! Now I can't stand up, lay down or walk across the room for a few minutes.

The Baby Sitter.
This puss head absolutely has to do 50 reps on any machine he's on, thus delaying or causing you to alter your routine. Worse than him but sometimes one in the same.......

The Chatterbox & Wu-Tang.
This is typically one person or a gang of ppl who crowd around one machine all day/night, which wouldn't be so bad if they actually used it. No. This is the gossip corner, typically with TMI subject matter and overtly egregious machismo (often scaring of aforementioned eye-candy and P.O.A.). They usually spend about 15 percent of the time doing actual lifting work and 85 percent of the time talking and "resting" in btwn every set of 3 lifts.

Nice for no reason guy.
Idunno what's going at home but his therapist probably suggested the gym as a place to meet friends. That's awesum! My trainer suggested the gym as a place for me to get in shape, so leave me alone and let me do my thing.

No Business Giving Advice Man.
Ok, if someone has the audacity to critique my form, physique and or work out, you better be frickin Anthony Presciano (my physique role model at one point) or better. I love it when out of shape ppl, try to tell me what I can do to improve MY work out! Add them to the list of ppl I want to kick. There's always some excuse. They proudly wear their "Polk High" or "WAK Univ." class of 94 t-shirt and talk about their glory days of faded greatness or how much they USED to know.. before "the accident." AKA "Shut up and take your own damn advice man."

Last but not least.......
The Gym Rat.
This person LIVES in the gym. They're in the gym when you reach, they're still working out when you leave. You go before work, during lunch and/or after work they're there despite not working there. They knowthe entire staff. You purposely avoid eye contact with each other bc they're a stark reminder of the inescapable truth......YOU'RE A GYM RAT TOO! Seriously, how else would you know they're always there unless you are?

Man......didn't realize I hated so many ppl.....damn wet sock excuses of a human being. Too bad all my friends with home gyms live too far. Guess I have to stomach the nonsense if I wish to get rid of the abdominal behemoth that has festered and grown over the last year n change. Sigh........super human, Zen-like focus and Shaolin Monk discipline is needed.

Sent via The Rrchitect

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

RIM's response to the Iphone Droid Circus [From The BlackBerry Chronicles]

Although blackberry is still the number one selling smart phone in America, according to USA Today, sales fell to 41% in the first quarter as opposed 55% last yr. SOOOOOOOOO, what's RIM's response?

The BlackBerry Torch 9800

This is by no means an EVO, Droid, or Iphone killer, but I can't love muscle kinda tingled JUST a liiiiiiiiittle bit when I saw and read about it. I'm still reading up on the tech specs which initially seem not AS competitive as the major big guns out there, but I been a fan of BB functionality since the track was a scroll wheel on the right side and everything was either left, right, up down so this is still a huge innovation of previous models. For example, a 5 mp camera is not as impressive when the you have Iphones and Evo that have HD screens and HD camera's. I must say the lack of HD quality is a bit disappointing. Still kinda anxious to see how this new BB 6 operating system works, and the boost in memory, long battery life, improved browser and retained keyboard and trackpad is pretty sweet. The funny thing to me is that several yrs ago I was at a crossroad and I chose BB over a touchscreen and I always wished I could combine the two. It's like a touch screen phone and a BlackBerry had a baby..........and it sliiiiiiiides.

It's hands down the illest Blackberry to date (I just hope its true touch and not push-touch like the Storm - wasn't a fan of that phone - RIM's mistake as far as I'm concern) and IMO, one of the greatest concepts in cellphone to date. Set to release on AT&T first (wish you had that unlimited plan now huh?) its supposed to release August 12th, just in time for my birthday. I knew there had to be a reason why I been draggin my foot on buying a new phone and have been out of contract for 2 yrs now. I anticipate the Iclone and Droid Does'ers and their needless hate just brewing as we speak. AAAAAAAAHHHHH go charge up your battery!

Sent via The RrChitect by Some Provider who doesn't pay me to Advertise for them.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Morpheus: Red Pill/Blue Pill, Apropos, Erego, the problem is choice.

I have moments like this that my friend M. Carter used to call "birth control" i.e. Jack and Kate plus 8. Meaning, moments like this make me dread or fear being a parent.
You guys remember "Larry Fishburne?" Then he upgraded his grown man status and became known as "Lawrence Fishburne," like "DON'T DARE CALL ME LARRY!!" which I completely agree with. Nicknames are cool but a man is a man, so call him by his blasted name..............damnit............yeah this one strikes home for me. Of all the memorable characters he's played (my favorite is the coked up drugdealing gangster from "King of New York") he will forever be immortalized as Morpheus, with that goth club coat and those cool shades that snap to his face with no.........whatever those extension thingies are called, from The Matrix trilogy...........and now for this.

According to several reports yesterday, his daughter Montana Fishburne has figured out her path in life, her road map to creating a name for herself...................PORN!!! She's even been quoted as saying that she was inspired by Kim Kardashian and her success. Can't make this up. This is even more disturbing than when DC re-elected convicted crack attic as Mayor. It's bad enough we have the youth looking up to rappers, athletes and movie stars, but now we actually have little girls who think Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton's blueprint to media fame is a viable option??? Is that my Spidey-Why kids are so dumb-Theory senses tingling???? I think my friend Jose Nievez' commentary trumps: "I guess she plans having a long career of getting smashed by NFL players for the rest of her life"

The funniest part of all this to me is, you have to hear the interview with her and porn star Brian Pumper [who supposedly deals to both sided in the adult film arms race]. The man is talking about porn as if they were on "Inside the Actor's Studio" its truly hilarious. Sorry, "Porn Dad" is not going to sit with Lawrence for some time. Maaaaaan, if I was famous and my daughter did this, I'd ship her ass to Singapore in a crate with 7 holes, for a bamboo caning....since she like "cane" in she backside so much.

I can so see Morpheus kicking this dude off of an 18 wheeler on a freeway onto on coming traffic. Poor poor Larry. First they incrementally made him less and less significant in each Matrix movie, finally, Jada practically bitches him in the last movie, now this? Better hug this one a little tighter and tell her a few more "I love you's."

Let's see how this works out. According to IMDB, her popularity shot up 54% this week [but 54% up from no one knowing who the hell you are is not an impressive benchmark just yet]. Kim and Paris had at least one other advantage over Montana that I think is an integral part of turning calamity into star power, but I'mma hold my tongue on that one for now.....Cus that's another conversation..

Friday, July 30, 2010



Why the hiatus? I have been stumped on one or two iffy blogs that's been clotting up the backlog but I was compelled to keep things posted in order. That's why I haven't been posting regularly and am posting 13 pieces at once (all originally dated) with an additional 7 still in draft mode. I'll have to post em or make some big bells and whistle announcement when they are good to go so you guys don't miss em (and trust me, you won't want to). I just couldn't leave July in the feeble state it was...........blogless.

But that stuff happens year round, you wanna know what really happened? PAY ATTENTION! I just told you in the title. Seriously, you know how hot a laptop gets in the summer? We've already had days when my ac looked at me like "hey this is the best I can do, I got nothing else for you" but the laptop sometimes undoes that. You know how hard it is to type when you have sun, fresh air and half nekked women gallivanting throughout the land? In the past few weeks I been to a curry-cue (exactly like it sounds, like a barbecue, but everything is curried instead - curry mango, apple, string beans and shrimps were my highlight) a pool party, a beach trip, a few afterwork parties, a few bachelor parties, a few cookouts, a big ass party in prospect park, a few free concerts, a few block parties, a few house parties, a random picnic in the park by the water with a good friend and many other random one on one adventures and palancing shinanigans. Summer has to be hands down the least productive season in any event or industry......except for like life guarding or beaching.

ONCE again, special thanks to all the ppl who bug me and get on my case for not posting. Sometimes, all it takes is just one to tip my scales and barrage you with an avalanched armada of blogs.

PS, you do know that with such massive compressed, condensed, concentrated, bulk bloggiage in conjunction with tomorrow commencing the kick of the official 20-10th annual Raphael Birthday Season, chances are outside of the few drafts I plan to finish, bloggitry may be scarce in this month. Yeah right. If I'm moved, or the world emits silliness at me, I'll spew my $0.02 on it.

PS'er, scroll past the Lebron blog and keep going back into June. There's a few posts down there that you may miss if you stop at the last blog you read.

PSSest, This year I've surpassed the last 3 yrs of blogging combined! Yay! MEEEE!! [insert blackberry dancing emoticon]

Sunday, July 25, 2010

JACK MOVE!! Verizon Users Just got DEEBO'd!!

Courtesy of

5. deebo (v.)

to steal.
derived from the conniving ways of "Deebo," a character in the movie "Friday."

Why you deebo my college application, homie?

So said, so done. Although I haven't found an article from Verizon itself, several users, engadget, forbes, bloomberg gizmodo and wired all report quotes from the CEO, CFO and CTO, projecting that Verizon is taking this generous offer off the table. The smaller providers like Tmobile, Sprint and whoever the hell else, have to offer the kitchen sink and the golden calf to retain customers and nibble away at the massive ATT and Verizon market share but these big guys over here dont seem to give a rats tail about the customers they serve. It's all about bottom line. They're not losing money, per say, on the unlimited plans, they just stand to gain a ridiculous amount by taking it off the table and implementing a tiered system. Personally, I don't know how you can use an iphone or ipad without an unlimited plan, but ATT didn't seem to care about little shit like that.

If anyone finds an official statement from Verizon pls share, but I've def seen enough quotes from the CEO to start a "na na na na" good bye chant. Whether existing customers will be able to keep their current unlimited plan or not, is still to be determined but reliable sources tell me nay :*(|main|dl8|link6|

Friday, July 23, 2010


Speaking good dance hall music in Favorite Song in The Word.....Right Now: Busy Signal - One More Night.......

Check out this super sweet mix by my ppl at InnerCity Movements, based in NYC

Dancehall for Dummies Volume 1!

Very fun blog I follow to provide the latest and hottest, a good laugh, some good music and insightful reads.


Favorite Song in The Word.....Right Now: Busy Signal - One More Night

I'm feeling this song for sooooooo many reasons. One of which, this is one of the first songs I heard from Busy Signal that I can actually play out loud around parents and children. If the name sounds familiar, its because he is in fact the same Busy Signal from previous favorite song in the world, Easy Access, which is exactly about what it sounds like as he proceeds to herald about panty-less women. AWESOME AWESOMENESS!!

I think there's been a shift in consciousness on a whole in the dancehall music community. I've been hearing a lot less vulgarity and daggering music in the mixtapes I've been listening to over the last few months.

The video is pretty sweet too. As a package deal, they throw in an equally smooth chune, "Night Shift"

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


In response to:Men & their B A L L S

[In my best F.D.R voice]

"Yesterday, Tuesday 20th, 2010 -- a date which will live in infamy -- the United States of Balls were suddenly and deliberately attacked by oral and verbal forces of the Empire of Estrogen.

The United States was at peace with that nation and, at the solicitation of Estrogen, was still in conversation with its government and its emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Vulva."

I'm tempted to really go in and go line by line, but its not that serious bc its still a good light hearted comedic read. The two primary attacks was on our sports fascination and our penile "obsession." First off, let me just tackle the latter. Idunno what it's like on the other side of the fence but let me just tell you..............having a Bobby Dangles, is AWESOME!!! I'mma have to write a "Penis Monologue" one of these days. If it had a bill, it would be the first one paid every month. Men would go homeless, lose their car, lights and phone before they lost it (oddly enough, there is no bill and unfortunately some men do lose everything for it, but that's another conversation - there's extremist for everything). So leave us to our testicular devices. As much as I study, I swear I learn something new about the triangle every year, so why would you think for a second that our attachment is any less complicated?

Secondly, sports is waaaaaaaaaay more than just entertainment and I promise you all I will expound on that at a later date. But I digress, a line by line retort does not tackle the macro issue at hand.

Tread lightly ladies, your stepping on sacred territory and crossing some serious boundaries. There are many things about women we don't understand but leave it be bc we know how ugly things can get and how quickly we get accused of insensitivity. But for men, we can lash and lash away and just say "man up" can't we? Ah the double standard lingers. Not complaining bc we can't take it................just advising that we can easily go down the same route if that is in fact where ladies wish to go. Men, we must quell this peasant uprising before it rallies momentum in the surrounding towns and neighboring villages!!

Sacred Cows that Men don't understand, but respect and leave alone:

Make up - Any man who really likes to loves you will say he prefers you without it. Any man that says "OOOH GOSH bebe! Put on some MAC or we not leaving the house," you might want to reconsider. We don't question why your make-up box is more elaborate or intricate than the average mans tool box or surgeons spread. We don't question why you have more colors and tools than Bob Ross or a first year fine art student. We just smile, play video games or watch TV while you're getting ready.

Shoes - Most women I speak to average somewhere btwn 40-70 pairs and more. Why you need 10 pairs of black shoes, that's another conversation. I've heard some really creative explanations that I'm sure would sway a jury of your peers in a court of law. But not every man has lived with a woman for enough months or years to BEGIN to grasp this concept.

Jeans - Why exactly do you need 12 pairs of blue jeans, I'm sure you can come up with and already have very sensible sounding reasons.....but once again, it's a rhetorical question. We leave that alone.

Periods - The red light, Aunt Dot, Your friend, T.O.M., Aunt Flow, or any other myriad of names you call it. Its a part of life, we accept it, but it will forever gross us out. Sorry, its the truth. But out of respect for you, we stomach it and speak nothing of it. The most profound summary of our feelings on it is from South Park's Mr Garrison when he said, "I don't trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn't die." BUT, we have too much love, respect and adoration for the female body and know better than to go there.

You're "EX" - I'm convinced that 99% of women have or had at least one ex that they cannot stop talking about and you are sick and tired of being sick and tired of hearing about. She'll go on and on about all the reasons why he's the most terrible person in the world. If it happens to be someone you're dating, find said ex and punch him in the face bc he's to blame for 80% of your relationship issues. He does or did things to her that if it were to happen to your sister or cousin, you would consider murder. Yet, she still goes back with him, sees him, hangs out and carries on as if none of that ever happened. And you're in the awkward position of forcing to keep a straight face bc the dude is always around. Oh the dilemma: do you tell your friend STFU and risk alienating a good friend who needs someone to confide in, or do you stomach it and be a good friend to your own personal and psychiatric dismay? Again, I'm sure you have all the reasons in the world why you can't give up on Blood Liver, Stabwound Stan,Bullet Tooth Tony, or Ike Turner just yet.

Like Scarface said, "All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for no one. Do you understand?" So leave the balls alone [except for the one or two acceptable permissible occasions ::GIGGITY!!::]. We will forever be very protective of them in a way that until you've been kicked, knee'd or grazed in the nuts, will never understand. Remind me to tell you all one day the many lessons in life and manhood that you can learn from sports. It's more than just a game. The key take-away here is that full understanding is not requisite for compliance, respect and symbiotic cohabitation.

We protect our nuts like a squirrel with a bazooka!!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Gilbert: The Proscecution Rests. [From the Blackberry Chronicles]

Very important philosophy: "Always attempt to view and understand things from the other persons point of view" from Dale Carnegie's book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" one of my favorite books of all time. I remember once I was putting it in my bag and a student asked, "why are you reading that book?" and in a bewildered perplexed face, I responded " win friends.........and influence.........people?" Seems straight forward to me. I like books and movies that tell me what I'm getting up front.

Yeah. I more and more side with Gilbert every day although I still abhor his letter. I finally think I got the best analogy:

What Lebron did was like a dude (Gilbert) making plans with a chica (Lebron)......sorry, as my friends Kharl or J-Dubs would say, "a BITCH" (not big fans of his decision) Not only did he make the plans with her, he set aside a large set of money for the plans. He turned down mad offers to do other stuff, parties, movies, vacations, dates, etc, even his friends as well as other chicas that were interested in him. He held off on grocery shopping, sales and trips to the outlets and the chica doesn't return any calls or txts all week (partially dudes fault for waiting around but I'll equate this to a superbad chica he's trying to wife up or really really really (x10) wanna smash). Finally, 3 hours (well more like 2 and 15 minutes after commercial interruption) before the time of your date, she put her facebook status as "the most important thing for me is to have fun and to have fun right now so I'm going to South Beach and for a night on the town with my two girls."

Not to be sexist, just reread that paragraph and invert all the masculine/feminine proper nouns as need be to suit your sexual preference.

Can you imagine that rage? After all the major free agents were already signed, you're bread and butter player ups and bounces without even a call or even giving you an opportunity to get something out of the deal? Yeah, Gilbert probably did something to reeeeeeeeeeally piss James off.

My attempt at understanding does in no way shape or form imply agreeance, its just a mental exercise. I've always been fascinated how tyrannical the corporate structure is in the fact that we're "supposed" to give 2 weeks notice before departure, for good measure, yet when you're fired or laid off you have to clear the premise by the end of the day, if not immediately and sometimes escorted by security.

Lebron, order a "Call-a-cab" at Wet Willies for me!

Sent via The RrChitect by Some provider I don't advertise for.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Lebron - "Ho's up: Pimp down!"

Ok, this is getting disgusting. I've spit my angst and venom as a bitter NY Knicks fan (who credible sources including TMZ, say was Lebron's choice up until the morning of the decision but that slick haired bastard Pat Riley moved mountains, parted the sea and pulled every rabbit out his hat to screw the city of NY over one last time.....DAMNIT! TMZ got my respect after Michael Jackson) and got it out of my system. But I'm a fan. I can do that. You remember when they used to open schools up and invite parents to come speak to the teachers about you? Every once in a while you'd have that one parent who acted up worse than any of the delinquent students combined? That's how I felt this morning when I read this letter by Dan Gilbert, the head owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers. - FULL LETTER BELOW

As much as I oppose Lebron's decision, I'm disgusted that a "professional" official would make such an sophomoric public denouncement. He might as well have said "F you! F you're license plates and your drivers license is expired. You're banished from the state of Ohio. If I see you in da streets it's a wrap. Your moms is ugly. We gunna get your family." I say that jokingly but I'm genuinely worried about the James family right about now. I hope he moved them to safe houses in Pensacola already bc last night I saw and heard multiple accounts of Clevelanders burning Lebron jerseys, now this pompous imbecile dare add kerosene to this flame? How dare you speak of "disloyalty" and call the man (who's made you) "callous, coward, cursed" in the same breath in this corrosion of professional etiquette letter that you have the audacity to post public?

Forget Lebron, this letter is the most ungraceful thing I've seen in sports, EVER. What happened to taking the "L" with dignity?! And truthfully, what did Lebron do that was so wrong?! He gave that city 7 years of heart and dedication and got very little support to do the job. Imagine what you were doing 7 years ago. Imagine you were still in that same school? Imagine you were at that same job with not one bonus or pay raise and never taken the head/lead of a major project (or whatever is the equivalent to a championship in your field). Imagine you were in the same relationship and....(you know what? Some of you are and you too have no ring so I'll leave that can of worms alone.) He made Cleveland an authority in the sports world. One man alone can't win a title.

Should he be like Charles Barkley, Shawn Kemp, Domenic Wilson and countless other athletes who lived and died for a city that never led to a championship? Should he have been like David Robinson, Paul Pierce, Kobe, and Jordan who rather than take a trade out, stood firm, waited for the right co-stars, bled for a team, and eventually, with honor and dignity brought a title(s) to their home city? Or should he be like Allen Iverson who wasted a majority of his prime with a team where he was a one man army? Who are you to think you are so self-righteous to tell him what to do with HIS career? After all the revenue he made you? You ungrateful summBITCH!!?

My friends, what we are looking at is the oldest profession in the world: Pimping and Ho'ing, and a pimp, just got ho'd. And naturally so.....pimps don't like to get ho'd. Much like the draft and free agency, pimps go after the most sought out ho's and if your pimp game isn't strong, if you're beating your ho's with wire hangers, not keeping them happy and fed, they might just up and leave you for the next pimp. Do pimps get ta fighting and a cussin? NO! It's a profession of gentlemen and leisure. "Your ho chose me!" Plain and simple. Get over it. To hear this from an owner is comical. What we're hearing is the bitter rants of a person who knows his pockets just got cut bc he lost his Bottom Bitch. He's not happy that he's going to have to be a bit more conservative with his jet fuel now. James even further ho'd the entire country (World Cup is on, don't nobody outside of the US care about Lebron) and gave the money to charity....AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!!! To Gilbert's comments about sending children the wrong message, here's the message Lebron just sent:
"I do this for my culture
To let 'em know what a ____ look like...when a ____ in a roaster
Show 'em how to move in a room full 'o vultures
Industry shady it need to be taken over
Label owners hate me I'm raisin' the status quo up
I'm overchargin' _____ for what they did to the Cold Crush.
Pay us like you owe us for all the years that you ho'd us
We can talk, but money talks so talk mo' bucks"
Patrick Ewing was on the original........and ONLY Olympic Gold medalist US "Dream Team," and honored as one of the 50 greatest players of all time. He dedicated 95% of his career, heart, health and body to the New York Knicks, led them to many winning seasons, playoffs, and even the finals once, and was dashed away at the end his career to retire shamefully on the Suns. When Charles Oakley was traded, he found out when he came back from vacation and saw his locker cleared out. I only found out two years ago that Jordan was forced into early retirement (thank GOD) by MIS-management and owners in Chicago. JORDAN!?? Of all ppl? Really? You would think the owner would give the man his own landing strip if he asked for it. But no. The league has been ho'ing, selling and trading players for year irregardless of their goals, health and family like kittens in a litter or slaves in the field. To paraphrase Chris Rock, James may be rich, but Gilbert is WEALTHY! I don't cry for billionaires so I don't buy this allegorical tantrum about what Lebron is doing to the game. Three players who like each other all took a PAYCUT for an opportunity to play together and do something great at a time when ppl complain that players only think about money.

One last thing as I dismount my soapbox, I lost a lot of respect and sympathy for you jersey burning, so-called fans. You disgust me. It was obvious that he was leaving but this is how you repay him for what he's done, you bitter ex you? Did Orlando fans do this when Shaq left? 4 rings later, does anyone care? It's fair-weather fans like you as well as execs like Gilbert who ruin the sport....NOT the players. Thank you for that letter Gilbert. It is further telling of the UNDER story as to why a person would leave their beloved hometown. (Not to mention no ones confirming nor denying the Delonte West allegations. If it were untrue, wouldn't you clear that up by now?!!) Any New York Knicks fan would PROUDLY wear a number 33 jersey to this day.......ringless fingers and all.
Open Letter to Fans from Cavaliers Majority Owner Dan Gilbert
Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:


You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....

Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers