Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Spray It, Dont Say It [From the Blackberry Chronicles]

[written 2 months ago]

I should beat my own ass. A LOT has happened in the last 2 [4] months and let's just say physically, emotionally, professionally, financially and mentally, I'm in a MUCH better place than I was 2 [4] months ago. The last few months only reaffirmed two things I believe whole-heartedly:

1: Outside of Raphael birthday season (which snowballed well into October this year) August is and always was the greatest month of the year.
2: Outside of a few birthdays, September is consistently the worse month that mankind has ever known to man (namely, me......... really....who's $0.02 is this?).
sidenote: for further elaboration on why the fall sucks hot chlamydia covered rhino ass, revisit my '09 blog: EFF FALL!!!
So after enough accumulated hatemail, txts and blog threats, I'm back at it. Now here's the dilemma: a HUGE impedance to writing was the roadblock draft blogs I have stockpiled. I missed the carefree days of FUIFTU (F U, its funny to us) when I jus wrote what the hell I thought, during a lunch break or a single trainride, and never thought twice about it. So what i decided to do is take a couple of thoughts that have been dangling on my mind (some i've been using olympic gold medal restraint not to say for fear of offense to readers or too much profanity) and jus deliver them in straight shots, unfiltered, unedited, unformatted no chaser. And its only right i start it off by releasing the dam on the one post that bloodclotted my "draft cue" for months, going back as early as spring.

[Walks over to the town square. Places soapbox on floor and mounts it]

Fat girls. You're not thick. You're fat. Thick is a very rare and precious gift from our gracious creator and further evidence that there is a God. The thick chick nation has requested you stop abusing and ruining the nomenclature.

Terrorists attacked US on 9/11, not the nation of Islam. Build the damn mosque where you want.

Stop taking every opportunity to remind the world how many degrees you have. Hope you're doing something with them other than talking about them.

I know I shouldn't knock anyones hustle in a recession, but eff that. Its a recession. Club/Bar Bathroom Person, you gots to go! Don't look at me like that. Damn right I'm not going to tip Perhaps if u didn't hold all the soap and paper towel hostage, I could manage to pump some soap and dry my hands my damn self. Did you ever consider that?! Here's a tip: LEAVE ME THE EFF ALONE!

Grown ass men don't go around professing what grown ass men should and shouldn't other grown ass men.

Stop talking about how grown you are bc you got a car, apartment and a job. In some parts of the world, this is the norm for ppl by age 19-21.

For that matter, ppl under 30 should not even introduce the terms "young" or "grown" into their dialog outside of literal applications.

Having a child does not automatically make you an adult.

Stop bragging about the things you have but do not own. Especially when you know you're one bad month away from repossession, eviction and bankruptcy. -Read "Rich Dad Poor Dad" or to expedite the last point, look up the definitions of "asset" and "liability."

Stop confusing responsibilities with independence.

Paying your bills is not something to brag or celebrate. Your supposed to pay them.

Quit bragging about trips and take a real vacation. Get ya passport-stamp game up!

Here's a clue: if your on a "trip" and you're constantly posting pictures and changing your status broadcasting about how much fun you're having..........YOU'RE REALLY NOT HAVING THAT MUCH FUN!! When you dont post a pic until DAYS after you get home, if you even took any pics, or you cant use your phone bc its in a ziplock back in your pocket to prevent water're having fun.

I have been quoted or "re-tweeted" on twitter at least 18 times......... that I know of. The fascinating part in all this, is I dont even have a twitter account.

Quit crying and complaining about your bills. Do you forget the services you enjoyed that procured those bills? If they bother you that much cut off your phone, tv, credit cards,car etc. and stfu.

Hey! Grammar Nazi! Stop pointing out ever bleeping typo and "grammatic error" in my blog. There is no prize or point system. I know my ap english teacher Ms Gordon is probably turning over somewhere in her faculty lounge, but perhaps you newer readers should re-visit my first blog back in '07 Fischer Price - My First Blog/Disclaimer for further clarification. If however, you would like to join me in reading some Derrida, Foucault, Toufuri or debate Pierce's semiotics, structuralism, deconstructuralism, or the Hegellian dialectic, in the whispered words of the immortal Al Bundy....."let's rock!" Note to self [2 months later, i honestly cant remember what the "note to self was." iSad :(]

Stop complaining about being broke if you pay more than $100 a month for tv.

A rainmaker is a banker, broker, trader or salesperson who make multi million dollar deals and brings in major accounts.......not some weekend baller who spends rent money in the club and eatsfr pb and jelly sandwiches all week long and or neglect their kids.

We need a film regulatory board and its first act of duty should be to suspend and ban M night shalala, shinanigans, shimmy shimmy yall, shoryuken or whatever the hell his name from making movies ever again.

Dexter is the greatest show on tv.

I'm not a modest dude, but I'm far from arrogant. Arrogance is one of my least favorite traits on earth (abhorred equally or probably more than wet socks). Even worse, arrogance without cause. If you're the cave troll of the crew, you'd better be more likable than Oprah and Hilary Clinton combined and as humble as a Buddhist sheep. You're not hot by association. Stop leveraging your friend's attractiveness. Arrogant-unattractive ppl..........with bad attitudes should be thrown out into the street and shot.

I dont know how many times i have to say this, but although i appreciate the emails, facebook msgs and wall posts, txts, calls, bbms about my blog, LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS AND COMMENTS ON DI FLIPPIN BLOG!? I actually enjoy engaging in dialog and hearing different views and perspectives on my thoughts.. hell, if your lazy, jus click a reaction on the bottom. I get the most criticism and side convo from ppl who never ever contribute on my blog or worse, not even subscribe as a follower.

If you dont click that link on the right and "follow" this blog.....................the terrorists win. [Hell! worth a shot. worked for one moron for 8 straight years]

LASTLY! I sincerely thank all the readers who actually give a flyin fat baby rat's ass about what I have to say. I also appreciate those who dont give two left bra cups about what I actually have to say, moreso you simply enjoy, get a kick or slight belly-achery out of the particular ways I choose to say it. I'm also fascinated by all the followers who I have no idea who on earth you are, but welcome. Juice and cookies to your right.........

OK Denisha! I'm hitting publish and not looking back!!

...........ok Denisha, I lied to myself. I cant help it! I'm an Rrchitect. I measure 10x and cut once.

[Dismounts soapbox and goes home to play Super Streetfighter 4 and COD Black-Ops]

Sent via The Rrchitect


Anonymous said...

ah! This was excellent! I like unfiltered. I posted on your BLOG now maybe you can answer facebook posts. mmhmm.

dsmcpherson1 said...

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally and I actually literally laughed out loud.

EnabledOne said...

Bwhahahahahaha...I literally love this post. Thank you!

lmr said...

concurs with anonymous from 12/29. good stuff, dude.

Karen said...

Oh that was helluh funny.

Starr said...

Oh Rrchitect!!! How I've missed you soooo!!!!! I love this post. You've said so much that I've been saying or haven't got to say in such a long time.

August Rules!!! ;->


And I expect more blogs like this in the future. ^_^

Francine said...

About time you finally blogged again. Thumbs up.