Sidenote: As big a story as that may sound, I actually had to google it to get articles bc funny enough it was not on the homepage on CNN.com and when I tried looking it up in their search engine, they looked at me like they never heard of the place China. Ostrich technique is what I call it.Sign That the Sky is Falling #1: Grocery bags now cost money!!!!!
Now this is where the alarms blare, panick is spread, evacuation announcements are made on the PA and the Godzilla theme song plays as Japanese ppl run, arms flailing, pointing and screamimg "GODZILAAAAA!!!" .......Aaaaaah, Gojira. My favorite man in a rubber n foam suit....Seriously, I digress...
Remember the days when you had a choice, "paper or plastic" and you didn't have to ask them to double your bags on the more heavy items? There was always that pleasant immigrant who couldn't work anywhere legally or that little local neighborhood kid who wasn't old enough to work anywhere else...........Dont act like I'm effed up! You go to Associates, Keyfood, Pathmark or Mets around the way and act like thats not what you see? Ah the Bag boy or Bag Lady (shout outs to Eryka Badu). THESE SUNZABISCUITS CHARGE YOU FOR THE FRICKEN GROCERY BAGS NOW!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!
Sidenote: Eryka Badu is a blasted genius. I been reminiscing on how "Mamma's Gun" is one of my favorite albums of all time. I remember that she dropped a single/video for "Bag Lady" that was soooo comercial and un-Badu, AND on the album she said "get that comercial shet outta here" and she dropped the most Badu-esque version of "Bag Lady" possible!!I firmly believe that in the heart of every tragedy is a great opportunity and new market, so before I even began to bitch n whine about it, I notice in catologs that theres a whole new market of "Grocery Bags," some of which are thermally insulated to keep your stuff cool. I remember hearing my folks try to justify buying this like they absolutely NEEDED it, so I had to remind em they collectively have lived over a century without em. The raw fish and icecream will survive the 3 block walk home. I'm sure. Paper and plastic will do just fine.
Sidernote: By comercial version, I mean the old "hey lets used a well known song from a well known producer so it strikes a cord in ppl's memory and its an isntant hit even before you listen to the words...." Shout out to Dre on the "Xxplosive" beat. WARNING!!! its spelled "XXplosive" for a reason!!
Sidenote: I absolutely loath Whole Paycheck.....uh I mean, Wholefood Warehouse or whatever the heck that starbuck grocery store is named. Perhaps thats where ppl got the idea of buying reusable bags. I want my infinite supply of plastic bags that I use as garbage bags, laundry, travel bags for shoes and a billion other around the house uses. I bet you guys who been throwing away your bags so wrecklessly will think twice and woe the days you did such careless practices!!In the words of the ever wise, immortal Al Bundy, "slowly but surely, our freedoms are being taken away from us," as he recanted about simpler times when you can park on the street for free while he was complaining about parking meters. This is so true. Why are we so docile and supersizely, ez-passly passive?? If this happened in France, they'd storm the capital and streets and demand change. Don't be surprised when they start putting meters on our homes and start charging for air.
Sidenote: I won't even bother supplying a link. If you don't know who Al Bundy is, well you need to. Congrats! You've waisted half your life away.
Sidernote: Actually looking back at it, the Bag Lady video was quite clever. The song is great, I just love the album version so much better. If you've seen her perform live you'll understand.....and if you can count how many times you've seen her perform, then you havent seen her enough.
Point of clarification: I was MADLY in love with Badu.....we were engaged in my imagination.....until I found out that her golden locks that fell down to her calve was a wig..... I always wondered when she revealed that she was bald, did all the women who she inspired to go natural, cut perms, and lose jobs and relationships over their locks cut them off too?