Thursday, May 14, 2009

Signs that the sky is falling #3 (no more slacking on my journalistic duties!)

Previously on "My $0.02"..................Signs that the sky is falling #1
Signs That the Sky is Falling #2

Hell in a hand basket I tellya. IN A HAND BASKET I SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!

[insert theme music here] in another window and let it play as you read.

Ok, so Obama is rock starring all over the world and internationally is the biggest thing since Paul McCartny and Ringo Star reunited. (sidenote...not exactly Mr. Current affairs huh? Gives you a good idea how long ago I wrote this). SO the Eff WHAT!!? Obama needs to get his black ass back home and mediate this stifling crisis. Let's continue our third installment in our dramatic dramatization, our investigatory investigation and exposing expose (or rather, expozay?)into the hemorrhaging economic debacle that is crippling our very way of life.......through an analytic analysis.

For those of you who don't know, AVG aka the poor mans Norton, has graced a generation of internet bloggers, chatter, emailers, file sharers and porn enthusiast with the blessings of free pc protection against virus' spyware, malware, shareware, tupperware, Delaware and other internet wares, malities or boo boos that can monkeywrench an otherwise seamlessly operating personal computer. Nowadays, unprotected internet usage is arguably just as lethal as unprotected sex.... and in some instances, moreso. AVG, through much unknown benevolence, has allowed users (private, home or personal) to download software that scans emails, your files and keep you safe from said cyber threats.....including Delaware.

SIGN THAT THE SKY IS FALLING #3 (oooh! "#" and "3" are on the same key, ahsum!!)


For the last few days, everytime I start up my pc, I get a pop up window notifying me that "as of april 12th my virus protection will no longer be free and if you don't hold our pockets like a good fish, we're gunna pull your pants down and let aaaall the inmates have a field day on you"................well I may exaggerate a little but you get the general message. For those of you who haven't fully digested the seismic ramifications of this action allow me to ellaborate.
If you never got a chance to use this great program, you never will......for free that is.
If you already have the program, its not exactly like they can go on your computer and yank it off now can they? However, no more will you bath in the glory of free virus information updates. This is the real bollocks choker.

Much like the flu (sidenote: I'm sooooooooo debating whether or not I'm going to even bother to attempt to touch this swine flu nonsense when more ppl have died from the regular flu this year already.........sidernote: I may be a tad biased, bc I been anti-hog for years) computer viruses come a new everyday, every year. And much like our bodies, our computers should have an immune system which is comprised of collected information of all our old flus as well as various minor strands we come into contact with everyday. Now imagine that your immune system was named AVG, and it decided one day.......lets just say arbitrarily April 12th, for arguments sake, they were no longer going to adapt and protect against any strand of flu beyond that date.

Now amidst all the cutbacks ppl are doing to stay afloat amidst this economic turmoil, from cutting down cable packages, cell phone plans, cancelling excess memberships, walking more, accepting dinner dates from guys you would typically say no to, (what!? don't act like I invented that one. I know tons of girls who only call CERTAIN guys or accept CERTAIN dates only when they're money's low or they dont feel like spending. Don't stone the messenger.) now millions of users have to now ad virus protection to the list of things we have to pay for. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Thanks AVG! You guys suck. I hope your CEO falls from somplace very high.....yet....not high enough to kill him.....just hurt him very bad....and lands on something very hard.........and preferably with sharp objects....but thats another conversation.....I digress.

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