Monday, June 1, 2009

The EX-Files

Question(s):

After a relationship is over, do you keep in contact with your ex? Or do you cut off all ties with them (especially right after it ended)? Do you delete them from your contact list, facebook, messenger, etc.?

What measures do you take to heal and move on?

Feel free to answer all or parts of the question posed.
This question was posted by *nycyahdie* on one of the blogs I frequent:
*Misconceptions of Me* and my response kinda grew into this.........
PROLOGUE:
Sidenote: I would like to thank Stan Lee, Chris Claremount, and the good ppl at Marvel Comic books for making me the only kid in my entire elementary school who knew what the word "Prologue" meant. In addition to good cartoons comic books did wonders for the vocabulary. You give your kids some "Thor" comics and I promise you Shakespeare will be a walk in the park.
When the weather gets warm, a handful of my buds and I get together early Sunday mornings for a couple hours of basketball. We always say "lets take it easy and have a calm relaxed game............." Yeah! OK! As aggressive and competitive as these dudes are? In three years it hasn't happened yet. In our first game dudes usually have to stop for water when the score is only 4-6.

So in my overzealous defensive fervor, one time in an attempt to save a ball from going out of bounds on a turn over, my feet slid out from under me and one of my knees banged and skidded the ground. It cut pretty bad and deep and blead. It's okay... I saved the ball. No one had bandages so on some Rambo shit, I proceeded to:
-walk it
off
-rinsed it with my drinking water
-lick the wound and declare how great my blood tasted (say what you want, the other team got shook)
-band up the wound with a paper towel, a du-rag (the official head wrap of the black community) and spare wifebeater
-help my team win 3 games in a row.

....probably more residual affects of watching 300 2-4 times a week at the time.

Now granted I clearly would not last too long on E.R., Greys Anatomy, M.A.S.H. and couldn't even practice medicine in mehico, but to make things worse I proceeded to pick at and peel off the scabs whenever they healed for the next few days. Lord knows between sand flies, mosquitos in the caribbean and growing up a boy with two older brothers I have my share of scars on my leg, but most of them have healed realatively smoothly. Had I left it alone, it may have healed a little smoother, but now I have what looks like half a raisinette raised on my right knee.
Sidenote: I am notorious for that and picking bumps. Yet another thing I blame my brother on, who used to break pimples on my face during my glorious acne adolescence.

Sidernote: To all Mehicans and Mehico enthusiasts, its a joke. Don't weigh too much into it.
EPILOGUE:.........if a teacher accuses you of plagiarism, take is as a compliment.
Of my two major relationships, in one we stopped communicating for a few months and today we're cool. Ironically, I tried to maintain communication with the second and now we don't even talk, nor do I want to right now. I still have her number somewhere... just not in my phone book...rather a note on my phone. We're not facebook friends...but I have her email, should I need to reach her and we check on each other from time to time. I feel like we tried to force the "still be friends" phase right after, before I even got passed all the issues that lead to the break. I may have been extreme but the more accessible they are, the more tempted you will be to reach out to them, and that doesn't help you to progress or move forward. I'm good friends with a lot of girls I dated or "had relations" with but it didn't happen in a week, month or even a year in some instances. A break up is a wound and it won't heal properly if you keep picking at the scabs right after it stops bleeding.

In another sad irony (which unfortunately is the constant theme of my life) both of them are out of the country, which for my sake makes it easier for me. However, with local ex's that may be trickier. Most of us either experienced running into an ex who looked like crap on one of our good days (YESSSSSSS!!!! VICTORY IS MINE.............OH EFF yall. Don't act like its just me or I'm the only one who thinks like that), or ran into an ex when they're having a "you can get it" day. If you hang out with your ex for a second, sparks may fly, especially if it was hard for you to pull away or you were the one who was dumped. You DID after all see something and have something with them, not to mention if the sex was good (this is moreso true for ladies, bc its harder for a lady to find a good sex partner than it is for guys) the prospect of ex-sex is always lurking. You may be tempted after cruising down memory lane to pull over on the nearest off ramp for a pit stop and grab a bite....reload the tank.....quench your thirst....relieve your pelvis...or just simply get some,is what I'm trying to get at for the slower audience. BUT, here's the inevitable revelation you will come to.....THERE IS A CLEAR SPECIFIC REASON WHY YOU AND THAT PERSON ARE NO LONGER TOGETHER, and the longer you spend with them, the more apparent this will become and all the reasons why you parted will come rushing back to you faster than the blood in the vessels of a horny pelvis.
Sidenote: Luckily, Maxwell is finally back with a new single that slaps me in the face bc each verse in his new song is about said two major relationships. If Badu was my wife back in the day, Maxwell was my best man and wedding singer.

Sidernote: For those of you who do not speak Maxwellian, he sings in such a manner that tends to gel words together, so until you can decifer on your own, heres a clip with the lyrics in it. Seriously, at one point I thought some of his songs were in another language.

Sidestnote: Damn near 99% of the females I know who are hung up on (pun not intended but welcomed) a certain dude, its because some aspect of the sex or the tongue was amazing.......but will never admit that it is a factor. You women are just as superficial as guys if not worse sometimes. GEEZ!!!
Take time. Focus on you. Not to get over the person, but to heal yourself. When you give, you give yourself away (shout out to U2)and you need to makeup for and repair that missing part or else you'll be of no good to the rest of the world and scarred for life. In regards of moving on, keep busy. The chains of worry are heaviest in the idle hours. Nuh linga! NO LINGA!!!
Sidenote: I warned yall about bs dancers before, so just to help you steer clear of that, here's the best, most comprehensive break down of the dance I've seen if yall want to learn. KETCH DI DANCE!!

"I shall lose myself in action, less I wither away in despair" -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Hope my convoluted answer helps CM.

Well readers, what do you guys think on the subject?

2 comments:

Adama Paddyfoote said...

It depends on the situation. I believe in an amicable break up, but if someone hurt me so bad to the point where I can never trust them, as a friend, then yes, I would definetely cut off all ties with them, delete them from my myspace and facebook etc. It's a matter of whether or not this person is of any value to the rest of your life. Fortunately, there is only one person I had dated that this happened with, and there was a lot of confusion as far as my status with that person, more over, this person failed to be honest, lied to me and then boasted about his manipulation, it was basically like a split personality thing (2-faced, for lack of a better description), but some how I was the "crazy-delusional one." On a better note, I pretty much still have a friendly relationship with all other guys I had ever dated. Life is too short, why hold grudges?

*nycyahdie* said...

Thanks for your response to my question. I will post my answer to the later on this week.

**I'm also placing a link to this post on my blog!