Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Moving in together & the "Terrible Two's"

[From the Blackberry Chronicles]

I had a conversation with a good friend of mine the other day (based on the time I actually wrote this, we could now say "months ago"). We are completely platonic but she has a running joke about us getting married and I play along just for kicks. She will remain nameless bc her newly acquisitioned bf is not too thrilled with his lady always mentioning my name, and doesn't believe there's nothing btwn us...egh.

Sidenote: Ladies, women and girls alike. Be very very very careful how you throw the "M" word around with a fella. ESPECIALLY if its a recent acquisition, a romantic interest, you like or are just feeling out........[no pun intended but gladly welcomed] figuratively that is.......but literally too. Unless you are completely platonic or in an instance where interest and circumstance is not mutually beneficial, DO NOT fling the "M" word around all willy nilly. There are few quicker ways to scare a man off.....hmmmm......note to self: write "Gone in 60 seconds - 10 ways to turn a man off in less than a minute."

Sidernote: I remember I needed furniture so a friend and her ex took me to....uhhh...errr....a furniture selling chain store thingy place. I'm looking for dressers and cabinets and she took this guy into the baby furniture section. I tried to pull her aside n warn her but she ignored me. And they were together less than a year at that point. Such shake my headism. Now, is that the reason why they broke up? Of course not, but I'm sure that left a psychological footprint that lead to his short of lunacy behavior later on.
So amidst one conversation, we're planning out our wedding and so forth and we discussed living together. My rule was...........is, I'd have to live with a female for at least 2 yrs before I could even propose to her. She said "well we can't get married then bc I'm not moving in with a man UNTIL I'm engaged."

From what I gather, her stance is rooted in some pre-disposed moral ideology whereas mine is rooted in past experience in my life and times. Might I add, she has never lived with a man before. Baby's aren't the only ones who have "terrible twos," relationships do too. Its one thing to spend a night here and there, a weekend, even a whole week, but you really got to know a person when they're angry bitter or annoyed as well as cheery. Nothing helps you grow like sharing a space with someone who hates you more than life itself at the moment, but you have to share the same space, home, car, bills or bed. If facial hair in the sink and gratuitous nut scratching grosses you out, find out before you say yes. If you "can't be bothered" or grossed out when "Aunt Dot" or "T.O.M." comes to visit for a week, you need to hatch that out before you go ring shopping.
Sidenote: Who invented the concept of the man sleeping on the couch???! Eff yall, if I'm paying rent and or bills, I don't do that whole sleeping on the couch bs. I never understood that assininity. You sleep on the couch since you're the one who's so pissed off.

Sidernote: Two televisions = happy household. Not all men are sports fanatics, but for the ones who are when a game is on, we're not trying to hear about Desparate Housewive, The Real housewives or any other housewives for that matter.

By-the-waySIDE note: T.O.M. = Time of Month. There's always at least one head scratcher out there here's a balm for your scalp.

So now that my tiny doc and I can't get married, I pose the question to you all. When is a reasonable time for a couple to move in together?

Sent via Raphael  "I am Raphael Charles and I approve this message"


Lady in Red said...

Two years? Wow. What's this time span based on...would you only then discover new personality traits that didn't make themselves apparent before two years?

I have lived with a guy and 9 months to a year suffices, I'd say.

1st 3 months = honeymoon
6 months = first signs of true personality
9 months = required assessment and follow up action
A year = the last leg for the idealistic that didn't take action at the 9 months juncture.

When people show you who they are believe them. Unless one's partner is a "True Lies"/ "Mr and Mrs Smith" character a few months in should accomplish sufficient unearthing to indicate the ability to stay or the need to pack yuh/their georgie bundle and bounce.

R said...

Sadly, there are lot of Pitts and Jolene's out there. I could understand one year, but I still think that's a small window...unless youre active intention is to weed out and eliminate.

Camille said...

I think people have been "shacking up" for a very long time and I haven't seen how it has decreased the divorce rate or impacted it positively. I don't see this as a solution or the reason why marriages fail. I'd even go as far as to say that it's these kinds of actions that hinder your chance of getting married and also wastes your time with this trial period. (what's that saying...? 'why would he buy the milk if he has the cow for free'...I think that's pretty fitting)Yea you might be saving yourself from enduring the scratching of the balls and too much desperate housewives talk, but this is two years that you could have been either taking more time to build together the need or desire to stay committed no matter who is scratching their balls n leaving the hair in the sink. Its time that you could be actually married and working on figuring out how to stay til death til you part. I don't agree with living together before marriage period, Not even engaged. There's just a value towards marriage that I hold sacred and would want to keep it blessed by God. One way I'd do that is by striving not to block those blessings through playing house with someone who is not my husband.

Lady in Red said...

You should know the person to whom you are about to become legally bound. And one never truly knows another person until one has lived with said person. Never.