PSA: Dudes! Stop hollering!!!

[From the Blackberry Chronicles]

I used to call this "pouncing" back in the day.

pounce

1  /paʊns/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [pouns]bv verb, pounced, pounc⋅ing,noun

–verb (used without object)

1.	to swoop down suddenly and grasp, as a bird does in seizing its prey.

2.	to spring, dash, or come suddenly: Unexpectedly she pounced on the right answer.

–verb (used with object)

3.	to seize (prey) suddenly: The bird quickly pounced its prey.

The rarity of this method actually working is slim and requires a number of factors to be in alignment for it to work:

• Timing
• Mood
• Mutual attraction
• Execution
• Wording
• Tone and pitch

(must all be flawless. I mean Shakespearean flawless.)

On a train the other night, some guy came into the car and tried to "holler" at some young lady sitting across from me. I was shocked bc its been a minute since I've seen this. I didn't think this platypus of a practice still existed. Needless to say his approach in the previous criteria was mediocre at best. He didn't even take a seat next to her so she could hear him. I could have used some nachos or popcorn.

Fellas! You're doing a real danger to the herd if you persist. Reason being, if a man sees the woman of his dreams, and he happens to be her prince charming, she won't even give him the time of day bc 27 Souljah Boys already approached her incorrectly.

I can sympathize fellas. I've seen a few females that made me want to walk across the train car or pull over and throw on the hazards when I'm driving. But I don't. I just observe and keep it moving. First two reasons, I have a "never walk back" and "5 foot radius" policy. Also, I always remember this experience:
I once noticed an attractive female on the train who happened to get off on the same stop as me. Not only did we take the same bus, we got off at the same stop. We even walked 2 blocks in the same direction. Was this fate? Why didn't I say anything? Bc for that short commute I got a glimpse of what her world was like. I didn't count, but she EASILY got hit on 20+ times in just that 2 block walk.

It's not all hopeless young men. I actually had a hall of fame pounce that led to one of my greatest relationship for a good 2 yrs, but the conditions I laid out earlier was textbook. Bottom line/ best advice on "the pounce," a quote from Jay-Z sums it up best:

"If you draw, better be picaso, you know the best/
Cus if this is not so, ha, God bless."

Sidenote: Sad news ladies. Men will never stop especially the crude, disrespectful calls. Why? Good question lil Jenny. I'm glad you asked.

Sidest Note: I was tempted to write a comprehensive "How to" on pouncing, the correct way. Still on the fence about that......

Why men cat call and will never stop.

[From The Blackberry Chronicles]

Ladies: Its not news that men are notorious for cat-calling, doing and saying anything that comes to mind in an ill-witted attempt to get your attention. I've heard directly and second hand some of the most disrespectful mumbo jumbo spewed at women [the crown goes to overzealous, ambitious teenage boy shouting at random women across the street who walk by, "YO MAH!!!? WANNA FUCK!?" CAN'T make that up guys.]

So the question of paramount interest is simply, "why?" Why do men continue to do this?

No extensive, investigation, research or analysis necessary here. I won't even make this blog that long. I'm about to break it down into three uber simple words which irrelevant of its inexorable truth, some of you will adamantly deny and oppose:

.............because it works!

That's it. That was the reason right there in case anyone missed it or was waiting for something epic. Because it works. If it didn't work, men wouldn't do it. Did I say it works on everyone? Extra "Hell" plus some "nah" but I have seen women drawn in by some of the most backwards disrespectful calls ever. It truly is a fascinating sight when you've had one of these internal dialogues: "There's no way in hell she's going to respond to... OMG she's walking over. She's going to slap him for sure. There's no way any....OMG, is she giving him her number???"

To truly understand this point one must become versed in the Law of Averages, which states (succinctly) if you do something often enough you will develop a margin of success to failure. Aka ratio. Common example, batting average.

Men are hunters by nature and hunters understand this concept very well even if they never heard it packaged as such. If a cheetah can run down 50 buffalo, knowing he may get trampled, he's bound to catch at least one. Do all 50 ever get away? More often than you think. But by maintaining persistence and faith in the law of averages, whether 1 in 50 or 1 in 100 or 1 in 200, at the end of the day 1 is still 1 and that's all the predator cares about. Poor batting average? Perhaps, but according to who? No hall of famer has ever batted over a .3. That means in baseball, if you succeed only 3 out of 10 time, your a multi-millionaire hall of famer.

I don't give two flying soda pop bottles whether its right or wrong, it makes sense. As long as it still works from time to time, there's nothing us good guys can do to help on our end. Sorry, hate to put the onus on you but we tried. The only other option would be for women to stop being appealing or looking nice and I'm sure thats a loss for both sides. What yall need to do is form a "Million Women March"- international convention and decide as a ppl that women globally will never respond again to catcalls. Cus you know what they say about that one bad apple?


Sent via Raphael  "I am Raphael Charles and I approve this message"

Moving in together & the "Terrible Two's"

[From the Blackberry Chronicles]

I had a conversation with a good friend of mine the other day (based on the time I actually wrote this, we could now say "months ago"). We are completely platonic but she has a running joke about us getting married and I play along just for kicks. She will remain nameless bc her newly acquisitioned bf is not too thrilled with his lady always mentioning my name, and doesn't believe there's nothing btwn us...egh.

Sidenote: Ladies, women and girls alike. Be very very very careful how you throw the "M" word around with a fella. ESPECIALLY if its a recent acquisition, a romantic interest, you like or are just feeling out........[no pun intended but gladly welcomed] figuratively that is.......but literally too. Unless you are completely platonic or in an instance where interest and circumstance is not mutually beneficial, DO NOT fling the "M" word around all willy nilly. There are few quicker ways to scare a man off.....hmmmm......note to self: write "Gone in 60 seconds - 10 ways to turn a man off in less than a minute."

Sidernote: I remember I needed furniture so a friend and her ex took me to....uhhh...errr....a furniture selling chain store thingy place. I'm looking for dressers and cabinets and she took this guy into the baby furniture section. I tried to pull her aside n warn her but she ignored me. And they were together less than a year at that point. Such shake my headism. Now, is that the reason why they broke up? Of course not, but I'm sure that left a psychological footprint that lead to his short of lunacy behavior later on.

So amidst one conversation, we're planning out our wedding and so forth and we discussed living together. My rule was...........is, I'd have to live with a female for at least 2 yrs before I could even propose to her. She said "well we can't get married then bc I'm not moving in with a man UNTIL I'm engaged."

From what I gather, her stance is rooted in some pre-disposed moral ideology whereas mine is rooted in past experience in my life and times. Might I add, she has never lived with a man before. Baby's aren't the only ones who have "terrible twos," relationships do too. Its one thing to spend a night here and there, a weekend, even a whole week, but you really got to know a person when they're angry bitter or annoyed as well as cheery. Nothing helps you grow like sharing a space with someone who hates you more than life itself at the moment, but you have to share the same space, home, car, bills or bed. If facial hair in the sink and gratuitous nut scratching grosses you out, find out before you say yes. If you "can't be bothered" or grossed out when "Aunt Dot" or "T.O.M." comes to visit for a week, you need to hatch that out before you go ring shopping.

Sidenote: Who invented the concept of the man sleeping on the couch???! Eff yall, if I'm paying rent and or bills, I don't do that whole sleeping on the couch bs. I never understood that assininity. You sleep on the couch since you're the one who's so pissed off.

Sidernote: Two televisions = happy household. Not all men are sports fanatics, but for the ones who are when a game is on, we're not trying to hear about Desparate Housewive, The Real housewives or any other housewives for that matter.

By-the-waySIDE note: T.O.M. = Time of Month. There's always at least one head scratcher out there here's a balm for your scalp.

So now that my tiny doc and I can't get married, I pose the question to you all. When is a reasonable time for a couple to move in together?

Sent via Raphael  "I am Raphael Charles and I approve this message"

WHY 2009 made me a kid again....[oops]

So I started this topic and amidst my multitasking, re-prioritizing and self-diagnosed A.D.D., I never got around to finishing the point. However, I learned something: in my nievity, I thought that when you click "save now," it saves as a draft. Little did I know that closing the window commences the saving AND publishing process.

Background: At one point in my life there were 5 things that were more important to my childhood and personality than life itself:


Transformers
G.I. Joe
Street Fighter
Comic Books
Music

So allow me to elaborate on WHY 2009 made me a kid again.

Street Fighter 4
Street Fighter videogames were perhaps the greatest stress relief I have known my entire life. There are few ailments in this world that cannot be solved or alleviated by "forward, down, down-forward + Punch." lolcats funny cat pictures" border="0"> Ppl have asked me for a few yrs now "why don't you get a second generation system?" And my answer has always been....."they didn't have any SF games." Every system I ever had, some incarnation of SF was always my first game. After a billion variations of sf2, sf2 turbo, sf2 hyper, super, alpha, alpha 2, alpha 3, alpha just because, virtual, zulu, beta, lalala, and FINALLY part 3 five years ago, '09 marked the 20th anniversary of the original game, which revolutionized fight games, and probably one of the most imitated games of all times. One of the best games I've ever played in my life. Its been years since I shared a roof with my brother (who I probably had AS many real life fights with bc of the game) but now with these online networks who needs a roommate, brother or arcade. I can go online and play against live players around the world any time of the day.

G.I. Joe - The Rise of Cobra [SPOILER ALERT]
If you don't know how much I heart G.I. Joe...........
So this was a movie long overdue, but well worth it. First off, after the first X-Men movie, The first Hulk, Daredevil, and the first 4 batman movies, I lost faith in Hollywood's ability to maintain creative integrity in any storyline re-adaptation. Lord of the Rings and 300 are probably the best fiction story to movie adaptations I've ever seen. They always have to change something, remove something, create something new and ruin something.

Saying this to say, I'm not surprised anymore when they stray from the original storyline. G.I. Joe was an easy sell for me. Guns, CHECK. Explosions, Check. Cobra trying to destroy some stuff, CHECK. Cool military weapons and vehicles, CHECK. Snake eyes doing cool ninja stuff.....CHECK!!! They even threw in Storm Shadow too. As an added bonus they actually did a good job of explaining Cobra Commanders lisp and why Destro has a metal face, yet can move his eyes and lips.

Sidenote: Why did Snake Eyes have a nose and lips??? Who ever seen a ninja mask with nose and lips??!!! How could you ruin the simplest part of the movie?

Sidernote: Peter Jackson may probably not possibly iono maybe a racist, but you got to question his choices of films. King Kong and Lord of the Rings have some of the most racists undertones in all of fiction, but that's another conversation.

X-Men Origins - Wolverine
There is no man alive that did not want to be Wolverine at some point in his life or at least have his powers and retractable claws. Let's disregard that fact that Hugh Jackman is about 1 foot taller than Wolverine actually is, I was actually quite surprised. I must say, the prospect of a PG-13 for a film about one of the bloodiest comics of all time was an immediate turn off, but it ended up to be quite a gully, enjoyable Wolverine flick....which basically all three X-Men movies were.

Sidestnote: NOTES TO SELF
Write a blog on why Peter Jackson is a racist
Write a blog on all X-Men movies suck
Write a blog on "why 300 is the best movie ever!"

For example: Hands down the most anti-climactic, worsest, WACKEST finisher punchline in the history of cinema.................

.......Clearly these writers have never seen an Arnold Schwartzenegger movie....Ironically, Ray Pack who plays Toad, got the roll of Snakes Eyes in the GI Joe movie. He's much better when he has to shut the heck up.

Transformers - Revenge of the Fallen [SIGH!!!]
I would say spoiler alert, but the whole movie was spoiled, far as I'm concerned.
This movie was so bad it made me un-like and HATE the first Transformers movie. Throw everything I said about understanding out the window. I thought "Revenge of the Fallen" meant just that. Who knew they had to change the whole storyline and create a character named "FALLEN!!" And how did they manage to ruin Devastator, a giant mega robot composed of 7 construction vehicles merged (the original Voltron of the Transformer universe) into one of the coolest robots ever conceived. He was an evil Voltron on steroids. To help understand my frustration, this is the image of Devastator we've all had for 25 years.............


But noooooooooooooooo!!!! Kiss-me-ass Micheal Bay and the new folks at hasbro had this Ro-beast in mind............

WHY is he a dog, sucking up sand?!

Sidenote: Should have known not to trust Micheal Bay. After all, this is the man who made Pearl Harbor!! SIDEnote to self: Write about "Why Pearl Harbor is the Worse Movie EVER!!"

Terminator - Salvation [Spoiler Alert]
Terminator is one of the all time greatest sci-fi and action movies ever (albeit stolen from a storyline written by a woman who inspired both the Terminator and Matrix series). I loved this movie. After the third movie and recent beach pictures, they finally decided to have the governator sit this one out. Proved impossible to make a Terminator movie without Arnold but I was surprised.

Star Trek
Never really was a Star Trek fan, but loved this movie.

V
One of the best sci-fi sitcoms of all time was remade this year. Haven't been keeping up with this series. But who could forget the lizard faced aliens who ate live, whole mice and gerbils? Good thing they remade it, bc after recently watching the original....we were in desperate need of a special fx upgrade.

Maxwell, Genuine, Joe, we already talked about, but at the final stretch Boyz 2 Men AND R. Kelly drop albums???? What a 90's flashback!!?

Twas fun to reflect, and open a portal into my year to share with you all. Although I may appear a flagrant offender of TMIatry, I'm very calculated about what I choose to share and not share. Alas, this was..................IS a joyous year.

2009 made me a kid again

I'm always a kid at heart, but this year really brought me back. Due to creativity being an endangered species, rather than creating anything new, media entertainment turned to the 80's and 90's to entertain the masses. All the while helping me relive my childhood

Streetfighter 4

G.I. Joe - The Rise of Cobra

X-Men Origins - Wolverine

Transformers - Revenge of the Fallen

Terminator - Salvation

Star Trek

Maxwell

Genuine

Joe

V

Boyz 2 Men

R. Kelly

YAAAAAAAAY LABELS!!

So I'm now incorporating "Labels" into my blog for easier navigation for new and regular readers alike.......and myself when I need to cross reference something.

It'll take me some time to appropriately label all of em so check back periodically. Don't forget to click on "Follow" and subscribe to keep up to date......and massage my fragile ego so I can feel better about myself :(


Tis all. La la la - lala!!

Black Eye of the Tiger

[....oh I get it... cus he got beat up n bruised...]

How sad. Our President/Commander in chief outlines his strategies for military action in Iraq and Afghanistan with detailed number of troops, dollar amounts and exact dates. You would think that that would be the top story of the day. Right? No? No good?

WRONG!!!!!

Christmas came early this year for the media. They are having a field day with this Tiger Woods debacle. [Controversial statement of the day] The American media loves nothing more than bringing down a prominent black person from glory........YEAH I SAID IT!!

"AAW fiddle sticks RrChitect! How can you say such treachery!?" I know, I know little Timmy. The truth is sometimes inconvenient (shout outs to "film-making-cant-win-an-election-ass" Al Gore) and hard to swallow, but lets take a historic audit. [Just to name a few, bc the actual list would be a few pages long:

• Paul Robeson
• Martin Luther King

Sidenote: King died years after his "I have a dream speech" yet you can't find (rather, would be hard pressed to find) any of his speeches after that one. Look them up and you'll see why....that's your homework assignment for the day.

• Muhammad Ali
• Mike Tyson
• Micheal Jackson
• O.J. Simpson
• Micheal Jordan
• Kobe Bryant
• Barry Bonds

Sidenote: I love the fact that the Crucible-like witch hunt for Bonds actually lead to a downfall of epic, Titanic proportions which taints almost every record, all star and hall of famer of the last 10 yrs.

And now added to the list, one of the most powerful black celebrities (we're talking Oprah and Obama star power)....Tiger Woods. Take black off of that sentence bc Tiger is actually one of, if not the, wealthiest athletes in the world.

Much like the whole Chris/Rihanna fiasco, I'm going to reserve in-depth commentary until I have all the facts. Sorry, but I think its a sad zeitgeist when TMZ and US magazine are respected and credible sources of news....and the actual news stations are quoting them. Oh the dilapidation of journalism. So far, the buzz is that his wife found out he's been cheating and apparently did one of these....albeit speculation.....

....And allegedly he crashed the jeep, damaging his car, a fire hydrant and causing $200 in damage to tree.

Sidenote: Perhaps Tiger should have taken classes from the "Chris Brown Defensive Driving Institute." [Eff'd up comment of the day] As messed up as it was, the part of the whole story that fascinates me to this day is as bad as CB beat Rihana.............he did it while driving... on a highway and through local traffic.........in one of those foreign European sports cars.........WHICH IS A MANUAL CAR!! So you mean to tell me he was driving with one hand, and with just one other hand free, defending himself AND whipping the left pituitaries out of Rihana WHILE shifting gears??!! It's not right but its FASCINATING!! I bet you Chris Brown wouldn't have crashed that jeep.

Sidernote: "$200 in damage to a TREE??!?!" Seriously!?!? DUDE!! I have never heard of anyone crashing into a tree and getting charged for the tree. Have any of you? Please enlighten me. They will milk whatever they can out of his rich behind.

Will Tiger recover his image...only time will tell. He shattered many barriers in a sport that 100 years ago.........50 years ago, he wouldn't even be allowed to step foot in if he wasn't a servant. I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few powerful ppl pissed at him. Perhaps its time we stop putting athletes and celebrities on pedestals and accepting that they are human beings, and not our pillars and beacons of morality. [MESSAGE!!!] Poor poor Tiger. I'm sure this will get way more scrutiny than McGreevy, Spitzer, or that dumbass South Carolina Governor who had an affair in Brazil, and thought FATHERS DAY would be the most discrete weekend to disappear for a rendevue.

Why arer ppl still watching BET?

[From the Blackberry Chronicles]

Prologue.... Once you start reading, this blog begins to date itself. It apparently fell by the wayside and I was reminded of it in lieu of last weekends Soul Train Awards show.

Why are ppl still watching BET?

Seriously??

First, let's look at one rudimentary fact......Black Entertainment Television is not even owned by black ppl!! Yeah, I'm sure there are many black avp's, vp's and svp's and managers and directors but nothing says power like ownership. Its like Chris Rock's joke: "Shaq is rich; the white man that signs his check is wealthy" but remove money and equate it to power and influence.

How authentic would we look at any other business if the owner was not of his own product?
-How would you look at "Original Southern Food" owned by Filipino or vice versa?
-Would mainstream America take seriously a Black owned Chinese, Italian or Indian restaurant?
-Would Israeli's buy kosher goods from..... Ya know I was trying to name a black neighborhood that was a notoriously infamous hood...but can't think of one that hasn't been partially watered down and gentrified in some areas.
-Should a Muslim trust a halal meal from McDonald's?

I say this bc last Sunday, news feeds all over the net from......sites that don't pay me........were flooded with commentary on how terrible the BET awards were. The phrases I recall seeing most frequently: "hot mess" "ghetto" (although yall should know by now how much I detest that word), "bootleg," "low budget," "half-assed," "piss poor...." and an armada of synonyms along those lines.

My response to them all was........"are you surprised?" Seriously!? Bc of BET, ppl all over the world (and many parts of America) think that all black ppl in America do is watch rap videos. They used to show variety and good music from gospel, to island, to soul........but someone decided "let's make a separate channel for that"....that's not even in HD for that matter.

Sidenote: why isn't BET JAZZ or SOUL in hd? And Starz Black for that matter? Why does Stars even have that channel to begin with? I swear I saw Pretty Woman and Silence of the Lambs on that channel.

We're talking the same BET who invented "Uncut". The same BET who showed infomercials on New Years Eve 2000! I recall turning to see how they were ringing in the new millennium to see infomercials.

Sidenote: I recall that new years eve quite vividly bc I spent it in Jersey City.... Clear, visible, yet very safe proximity to NYC. The news had us believing that all the lights would go out and everything from al queda, the four horsemen of apocalypse, the Internet and an army of ones and zeros were coming to kill us if we were in new york. That's what i think this 2012 crap is about. They made a killing off of batteries and canned soup. My parents still have a kerosene lantern somewhere in its original plastic wrapping.

Another common comment (looks up, thinks twice about that grammatical assonance) was that many BET pessimist watched with a common, hoping anticipation. Hoping that just this once. Just once! The mothership harbinger of black ignorance would pull it together. If for nothing else, out of a fleeting hope, that they would, at least in Micheal's name, pay decent tribute and homage to the greatest entertainer ever. But 10 yrs later, alas. Much like a battered housewife, Redsox fan (sans that one anomaly) or a New York Knicks fan who got their hopes up after a mid season trade or shift in management........no dice!

Gimme five on the Black hand SIDEnote: I think "American Gangster" is the most God awful production in the history of television...........followed closely by "Cops" but thats another conversation. When half of the world, arguably more, don't even know who Elijah McKoy is, why do we have a show glorifying and displaying criminals?!!!!

Let me tune into TV-One and cross my fingers.


Sent via Raphael  "I am Raphael Charles and I approve this message"

Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 3

Previously in My $0.02................... Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 1

Followed by................................Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 2

And at long last, the third installment in the controversial series dedicated to solving the quagmire of our time.

Theory #3: Lazy ass moms!
[From the Blackberry Chronicles]

Yeah imma get some flack for it but its my $0.02, aint it?

Disclaimer.....or ill-conceived attempt to cushion my behind from all the stilettos currently aimed at it.......now I know being a mother is arguably the hardest task on earth, second to being a single mother (technically I don't, and I understand my perspective emanates from hearsay, anecdotal data and census before you come at me with that "you will never know" nonsense - save that for a talk show). I have many dear friends who happen to be mothers, mostly single (aint that what they all say? "I can't be racist, I have tons black and Hispanic friends"...not exactly helping my case now am I?) and I've witness the trials, struggles and innovations that a mother has to come up with to raise a child and still maintain some quality of living. I'm not talking about those who give their all and fall short or who don't have all the resources and support they need.

[Now that we got that out the way...]

At the end of the day, some things I see are just flat out lazy and hilariously foolish, IMO of course.

The Baby Backpack
This is the one that triggered this brain fart. I can support the frontal kangaroo sack, not 100, but I can at least think about it for 2 seconds and find some amicable justifications (despite depriving you of a simple excellent workout and the subsequent "mommy arms").

I mean, this is a new era, day and age and this generations moms have waaay more to worry about than baby boomers and even generation x'ers. Reports of mommy's dropping babies for more important tasks rose to alarming heights so something had to be done. Today's mommy needs her hands free for a myriad of critical operations of vital consequence. Three for instance:

-the number one reason: momma gotta pick up her cellphone. Blue tooth don't send text messages and operate her camera phone, blackberry messenger (you can't PING!!! someone with a headset, don't be ridiculous!) or switch tracks...which is a good segway to the next one
-mother has to operate her mp3 player. We love the kids, but heaven forbid you get btwn a woman and her Souljah Boy!
-Momma gotta swipe her transit card. She gotta pay her fare somehow. Are you volunteering to drive her everywhere?

But my biggest justification with the kangaroo sack is....AT LEAST YOUR BABY IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!! Who on mother earth thought it was a good idea to carry your child on your back -literally- needs to be thrown out in the street and shot. Unless they start equipping those with surveillance cameras or some system of rear view mirrors, anything happen to your baby you're the last to know. If I can be extreme for a second, a sniper can take out your baby and you'd walk a good block or two before you found out. We need a recall on this idiocity!

Sidenote: [Commence venting] I wish ppl would watch where they were going while walking down the street. I'm typing a blog damnit! What's your excuse? [Conclude venting]

Sidernote: "Idiocity" was intentional. Its been a long hobby of mine fuse words, language and tenses together (since I have little respect for the english language, but thats a nother conversations... and "a" and "nother" were intentionally spaced) to form hyper-zoanoid hybrid words. "Irranoid" is my favorite of recent times. I needed to invent a word to express my heightened level of.....irranoiance at the time...............and apparently spell check has no problem with that!

The Leash
Kat Williams affectionately coined the most appropriate name for this: "material for black ppl to laugh at." If you can't keep your child at arms distance, there's a deeper rooted discipline issue you're not addressing. Perhaps this was invented so mothers can check their txt messages, switch Souljah Boy tracks and not lose sight of little jimmy. I'm a jerk, I know right? What's my problem? There is something fundamentally and ideologically wrong with the times where people put clothes on dogs, pets in strollers and LEASHES on children.
















The SUV Stroller......that you CAN'T manage
I know that your ecstatic that you got someone to get one of the top 5 most expensive items on your registry. You all have seen it, the stroller/crib/rocking chair/high chair/car seat/ computer desk/hdtv entertainment stand/ minibar/smoothie maker/subway space consumer with the retractable sunroof top, that you can't carry up a flight of stairs by yourself. Understand something: its not meant to be an all purpose, all terrain, surface-to-air missile stroller. In tight, crowded, congested places, please have the courtesy to carry one of those fold up strollers that are designed for mobility. I know jr. loves his Batmobile stroller with the front porch, plasma tv, dvd collection and jungle gym, but let's think feasibility.

Last but seriously not least (most of you know I prefer to commence or conclude on the most paramount)

GROWN EFF'ING CHILDREN BEING PUSHED AROUND IN STROLLERS!!!
In case your thinking: "Gee RrChitect! Aw hamburgers, that's a pretty subjective statement. How can you say what and when is too big for a stroller?" I say, good question little Timmy, I'm glad you asked. Here are some clues:
-if his/her legs are dragging on the floor
-if the child has to put in considerable effort or work to stay in or balance is an issue
-if he has facial hair
-if they have a cellphone
-if they can operate YOUR cellphone
-if they have an mp3 player and can sing Souljah Boy verbatim
-if they can operate a nintendo ds or psp
-if your arms and legs start to burn after a few feet
-if they can pick up and carry the stroller like or better than you can
-if they're the one helping you carry the stroller up the stairs


THEN YOU PROBABLY DON'T NEED A STROLLER FOR THEM.

And then you wonder why their monkey ass don't wanna read, study or go to class.......and their asses surrrrrrre are monkey.

Sidenote: note to self - remember to write blog on why I feel Souljah Boy is the truth.

Sent via Raphael  "I am Raphael Charles and I approve this message"

People who need to stay the hell away from Black Friday

It's this time again. To some ppl, black friday is the only day they shop. It's the day Jesus and Moses tag teams in a match against departments stores nationwide. You've cleared space on your card all year for this one day. You've watched a 13" black and white tube TV with bunny ears all year waiting for this. I first heard of Black Friday around 2005. My lady at the time raved about this and even left our bed at 1, or 2am to go camp with some friends.........awaiting the stores 5am opening. When invited, I said "I'm good."

Sidenote: At first I thought, "what kinda racist sh.." but then I remembered, finance is one institution when "black" has always been a good thing. [MESSAGE!!!]

The following year I participated, regrettably, for the first and probably last time. Despite the range of age and background, the feverish fervor felt like I was amidst adolescent girls on line for free Jonas Brothers tickets. Some people really need to get priorities in order. The same ppl I hear complaining about money all the time are always the first to bring up black friday. I couldn't help think, "why in tarnations am I in this debauchery?" I wish someone had better advised me with such a list:

Sidenote: These are merely suggestions and friendly recommendations with some well intentional humor. Adults will do, what adults will do.

People who need to stay the hell away from Black Friday
-People who hate cold weather (warm states need not apply)
-People who hate lines and crowds
-People with short tempers and tendencies of aggravated assault.
-People who have not played high school, college, and or professional football. You will get "pushed," real talk.
-Fathers who haven't seen their children in over a month and are behind in child support
-People who are unemployed and do not know where your next check is coming from
-People who's credit score dropped this year
-People who will not receive any return or investment on their purchases.....which applies to most ppl
-People who are past due or over drafted in other accounts, bills and credit cards
-People who have more collective debt than the amount they have set aside to spend on Black Friday
-People who owe other ppl money. Forget the banks, where's my money? I'm not FDIC insured! (seriously, I know ppl who owe me money and are buying new shit and travelling the world. WTF!!?)
-People who use the excuse "I'm saving on my christmas gifts" yet everything you buy is for yourself. Kinda like the stripper with the corvette who claims they dance to get through college......

And most importantly, ppl who don't intend to pay in cash or have anything higher than a 0.00% apr.

I joke a lot, but I know ppl who seriously dig themselves into serious financial holes off of this one day. Yes, this one day puts many companies in the black, but it puts many PEOPLE in the red. And you wonder why everyone's new years resolution is to do better with money. Depending on what your apr is, the interest of buying in bulk may offset whatever it is you saved.

One thing I've learned about technology is that something better always comes and the prices only go down. Buying good electronics requires the attention and patients of fishing or hunting. How many times have you researched a computer, camera, phone etc. and when you finally bought it, you found it much cheaper a week later?

Sidenote: Golden rule, once you've purchased, stop looking. Prices will only disappoint you.

Time is money. How much do you value your time? Is waiting 4 hours in the cold and wrestling with the consumers most savage worth saving $50 or getting a 50" bigger tv for the same price as a 40"? Here are the two most important questions:

• Do I ABSOLUTELY need this [insert item you're looking to purchase here] RIGHT NOW?

• What is the MOST VALUABLE usage of my money RIGHT NOW?

I don't remember anything from my 12th grade economics class, not even the teachers name, except for this one quote, that has served me well.

"The costliest thing I ever purchased was something inexpensive that I didn't need"
-Mark Twain.

Best economics lesson ever!!