Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 8 [From the Black Berry Chronicles]

Previously in My $0.02...................

Theory 1
Theory 2
Theory 3
Theory 4

Theory 5

Theory 6

aaaaand Theory 7

If your child is dumb as bricks, then probably the first place you need to start is to let jr. know that, comparatively speaking, they're dumber than a refrigerator magnet.

Where did this come from? Excellent question little Timmy, I'm glad you asked. I'm coming home one night and I'm in a dollar van, front seat. I hear voices behind me saying:

Adult lady: go in the middle. move over
Young lady: why? You know I'm fat.

Adult lady: you're not fat, your head is jus big

............Can anyone take a wild guess what my sitting in the front inquisitive ass did next? Of course I turned around, but I had to turn back quickly. Granted it was at night and dark, (and my melanin enriched ass only appears as eyes n teeth in the dark - looking like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland) but my face has a tendency of saying what my lips won't. [I'm cogniscent of it and actively working on it, but for is what it is sun.] Let's just say I agree with the later half of her statement but not the first.

Not to make this a blog on fitness (but its something I understand quite well, makes sense to me and easy for me to equate to) but my whole fit journey started at age 13 when I one day looked in the mirror and could count the ribs on my chest. Its been uphill ever since but its bc I confronted and embraced that irrefutable truth. Which leads me to one of the greatest hypocrisies in parenting and ultimately, reason #8:

Theory # 8: Parent a too damn lie!(West Indian for, "parents lie too much")

Why do parents lie to children?! I think its one of the most cruel things you can do to a child. We lie about things, where the truth would suffice. And then we tell our kids not to lie and be honest. Here are a few of the most damaging lies to a child:

Santa Claus

Yeah I said it. Why are we lying about Santa breaking into our house to give us gifts? When I realized that Santa wasn't real, that caused such a heart breaking disconnect btwn me and my parents. It didn't take long. We had no fire place and my parents always said lock the windows by the fire escape, so minus half the folklore, the gig was up relatively early. Like the kids arent going to recognize uncle Louie in a hat and white beard?

"I'm not home!"

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who was told to pick up the phone and say a parent wasn't home or lie to a solicitor at the door while my parent is sneaking a peak in the window. It was even more entertaining when it occurred either before or after I got a beating for lying. I've seen and heard my mom say several times "she's not here," mind you, she's has always been the only female resident in the household.

Sidenote: I don't know about other cultures, but you don't confront a west indian parent about hypocracies and double standards ESPECIALLY as a child. Talking back is grounds for additional beatings. In many households, you aren't allowed an opinion until you're paying some bills or at least earning a paycheck.

"I cannot tell a lie"
Did the rest of you hear that bs story about George Washington and the cherry tree? How he chops down his pops tree and when confronted confesses with that infamous line? "I cannot tell a lie. It was I.". You know I was well into high school when I found out that never actually happened? Not that I wasn't that sharp but who thought twice about that story past 3rd grade.

Columbus Day
How do you discover a place that has been inhabited for centuries? Why we still celebrate this day, is beyond me. Let's make a holiday for the first slave ship or celebrate the start of crack while we're at it. You all do know that the king was convinced that Columbus was going to sail off the edge of the earth so the only ppl he would spare to accompany him were prisoners. It kinda puts a lot of history in perspective when we acknowledge that western civilization was founded by thieves, murderes and rapists. What lessons did we learn here: even in a royal fuck up, you can salvage the situation and come out on top, and who cares if something belongs to someone else. You want it, take it. Then you wonder why little Ben is stealing ppl's lunch money. I guess at the end of the day, I can't hate bc if it wasn't for the brutality and growing pains of this country, none of us would be here right now.

Sidenote: Look up the research of Dr Ivan Van Sertima

Tooth Fairy
Another pointless lie that a childhood can do without. Then you wonder why little Suzie grows up and let's strangers willingly into her bedroom or exchanges oblong favors for financial rewards.

Sent via The RrChitect by some Provider who doesn't pay him to advertise for them.

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