Why kids today are so DUMB!! Theory 7

Previously in My $0.02...................
Theory 1
Theory 2
Theory 3
Theory 4
Theory 5
Theory 6

Folks! We've unraveled 7 paramount contributors to the dilapidation of our children's learning skills. I seriously should consider PhD'ing this Nobel caliber research. I think we've laid down some substantial groundwork. I taught and worked with high school students for 8 yrs and over that span of time, there was a noticeable decline in attention span, learning skill sets, reading comprehension, math computation and even basic communication just grasping basic English. We've known that public schools are trash for years, the antiquated public school pedagogy is not working, etc, etc, but in my experience the factors outside of the classroom are of greater significance than what you learn in school. We know that guidance counselors (MOST: there are some good to great ones) are trash. I had a recent convo with a high school classmate about how our guidance counselor traumatized most of our classmates (Bernard Chorney, Canarsie High School mid-90's). Some ppl went off away to terrible schools they knew nothing about. He never helped anyone prepare for college, yet a classmate of mine saw him dropping his son off at a KAPLAN test prep center. But this is about as new as police brutality (perhaps we need to make an equivalent Rodney King tape for guidance counselors....hmmmmm).

Sidenote: At one point he told me to if my grades don't reach a certain point, give up on college and look into the armed forces. Coincidentally that was the last time I visited his office, sought out my own guidance, and got accepted to 9 out of the 13 schools I applied to, Eventually going to The Cooper Union. HOLD THAT!! It frightens me to think how many ppl he might have suggested that to and scarier, who actually took him up on it.

YET STILL!! We had terrible schools and terrible guidance counselors for ages, which is why I beg the question, what is so different TODAY? What is different about these times than when my peers and I were growing up? Why does today's youth squander under the same conditions where we flourished? You know how hard it is dodging 5 gangs on your way home and still staying on the honor roll? So without further adieu, lets unveil......

Theory #7: No Toys in Cereal

I adamantly believe that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I can not eat an entire day as long as I have my breakfast and I never miss it. Typically I'll have oatmeal or cereal (i rotate btwn several brands that are high in oats, grain, fiber and bran with the occasional super sugary-corned-puffed-fatkid-goodness), but when I have the time I'll make more elaborate dishes, some turkey bacon, bawla-ass omelets, a grit, some fruit, etc. However, one morning this week I had THE best breakfast I've had in years. Its the same box/type of cereal I've been eating on and off for weeks, but this morning, something fell out of the box!

Sidenote: I haven't seen a toy in the actual cereal box in about 10 yrs that didn't require x # of proofs of purchase plus shipping and handling, so my heart kinda dropped for a second as a relatively large foreign object (larger than a loop) fell out of my cereal box onto my bowl. I thought we had "visitors" and "stowaways" for a second.

Now I'm a grown ass dude, I don't play with toys, but I who would not be hella elated upon sight of a free toy? Now imagine what would that do to a child? Its a good thing I spent most of that day by myself. I would have been the most annoying roommate, mate or friend for the day. I spent the rest of the morning and afternoon playing target practice. Granted, there are more spectacular toys than a rubber FIONA water squirter from the new SHREK movie, but I would have been filling it up and blasting everyone in my path with my brand new water shooter toy thingy. When was the last time a box of cereal has brought so much joy and happiness? What happened to all the little surprises and treats life had to offer?

Children today undoubtedly have a world of new stresses that we didn't have to worry about growing up, but unfortunately have a fraction of the joy and joyness that we had as well. Everyone has a rage meter, that fills up just a bit commensurate to the amount of stress, irritation, struggle and trials in your world, and periodically we need to release and drain these tanks or we'll burst. Stress is like your expenses and joy is like your revenue/income and far too many kids are stressing out of their means of joyness and snowballing closer and closer to bankruptcy. Lets bring back the joy and joyness, bc few things in life were more exciting, than a free toy!

ADDENDA!! UPDATE!! THIS JUST IN!! I GOT ANOTHER ONE! DONKEY!!! WATCH ME GO FIGHT CRIME OR DO SOMETHING OF EQUAL OR GREATER EPICNESS NOW!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!